Not long ago, I met a very lovely lady who enthusiastically shared her story of love lost and found again. She explained how her husband had died 20 years earlier. Years later, after vowing that she would never love anyone else, this woman found herself falling in love again.
Even though we probably don’t realize it, throughout our lives, we have been bombarded with images of the stereotypical “cute little old couple.” In the movies and on TV, growing old with someone else is portrayed as “normal.” Single older people are generally shown to be depressed, lonely, mean or anti-social.
When an acquaintance, Michael, shared with me that he had lost his job at a small law firm, it opened a new level of communication between us. We talked about his new situation and he told me he was very appreciative of having my ear. I’d see him most mornings at the dog park where our dogs played together.
Recently, I wrote an article for Sixty and Me about being single and feeling fabulous about it. The response was enormous and the comments were enlightening!
“If I’m so fabulous, then why am I single?”
This question came to me and I realized I have to write about it. I often ask it of myself. I see my friends with their various backstories, neuroses and impossibilities, in relationships. High maintenance types, neurotics, just plain crazies, you name it, they have a partner.
I don’t know who first said that the brain is the most important sex organ, but, whoever they were, they were correct! In our 20s and 30s, it is easy to think of sex as an entirely physical process. Unfortunately, this focus on our external appearance can lead to poor relationship choices, low self-esteem and a lot of confusion.
If you were brought up in the 60’s and 70’s, chances are you were trained to be a strong, independent woman. It’s likely you were taught you didn’t need a man in your life. You thought that anything a man could do, you could probably do even better.
A long time ago, marriages commonly occurred when two people grew up together in a small town and got to know each other over time.
The definition of Ghosting according to Urban Dictionary is, “The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date.”
A better definition is… you and I meet, we have amazing chemistry, we hang out and have awesome sex. I bond to you and then you disappear, ultimately breaking my heart. You don’t answer my calls or texts and I am so confused and concerned.
I am not a sexologist. I am a “normal” sixty-year-old woman who wants to ponder in public. By the way, I hate the word “normal” – it doesn’t mean anything. I don’t think I’m a particularly revolutionary thinker. I’m only stating the obvious in my thoughts below. But I’ll let you decide!