sex after 60

Discussion in 'Sexual Health' started by linda walter, Jul 1, 2013.

  1. linda walter

    linda walter Amber Angel

    Well, I am not sure I can say much about this. I am 72. And have not had sex in 11 years......the year after we married I had breast cancer...Jan 2000. Then march 2000 I had to go back and have more removed......gosh, what has this to do with sex??? well the husband decided after 3years, he loved porn on his computer better. I was Crushed...... he moved to a bedroom upstairs.......and as far as I know, he is still up there. Do I want sex?? Hmmmm yes I do. An
    M I a little concerned?? Yep I am. Every man I have met, wants sex.........yet I mostly hear oral sex.....and then there are days I ask myself, what are you saving it for?? Hmm. Another. Thought. We are older and wiser today.. but there are more disease out today. /so, tell me what all you think about sex
  2. victoria

    victoria Diamond Diva

    Hi Linda, what's age got to do with it, if you need it, go for it. but as you say we are wiser now, so protect your self.
    So take the lead be a modern woman and go for the type of sex you want.....
    I am 72 also. I was visiting a city and was looking for a card or book, well I saw this brightly coloured shop, so thought, Aaaa! they would surely have something and went boldly inside, only to find it was a sex shop, with lots of do-dars standing up proudly. The assistance stammered " can I help you" as we both looked at the do-dars I smiled and said, " no thank you love, you don't seem to have what I want" and walked out of the shop with a smile on my face. I really should get my eyes tested.......:)
    Claudia, Grellan, Terri and 15 others like this.
  3. Ajaye

    Ajaye Diamond Diva

    Specsavers???????
    Terri, Trish, victoria and 1 other person like this.
  4. Freeflyer

    Freeflyer Diamond Diva

    LOL, Victoria. But why should we feel that, because of our ages, we are too old to go into a sex shop? Seriously, though, I do think that our priorities change as we get older and 'having a shag' is somehow not as important as catching up on the latest 'Vicar of Dibley' :) Gone are the good old days of having sex almost every night, sadly. But, then, neither my husband nor I truly feel like it these days. Having companions of both sexes seems to be so much more important to us, really, wouldn't you say. Someone you can share you innermost fears with, have a laugh with, go to the cinemas with, or even just for a nice meal. Who needs sex when you can have all that without it?

    Having said that, anything can 'spark' off the 'desire' volume in one, or even both, of us occasionally. Even at 72, my husband can put on quite an act! Like so many before us, we've been through the 'I have a mistress' stage, and even the 'I enjoy porn on the computer than with you' stage. It's at times like that that I've had to remind myself that we are, first and foremost, friends, and that we can get through these episodes. As I've gotten older, I honestly don't worry about what he's viewing on the computer when I'm not around. I like to think it's nothing more than marking out a route for our next bike ride, and it probably is, but to be honest, I wouldn't go ballistic any more - in other words, age seems to have mellowed me somewhat. But, still, there is something to be said for having sex with someone who's company you enjoy, and that is why I think we all crave friendship with people of the opposite sex. If I didn't have my husband? I'd probably march right into that sex shop with you, Victoria - if only to see what they have to offer :)
    Karen65, Spanishlady, vania and 7 others like this.
  5. mia

    mia Diamond Diva

    OMG!
    That made me laugh!
    So funny!
    I am still giggling .....
    vania, Janice AM and Trish like this.
  6. mia

    mia Diamond Diva

    At first, after I left my ex (2005) I did miss sex.
    But, as I didn't want another relationship, I just dismissed it, then forgot about it.
    Now, I don't even think about it.
    vania, Maggie, Violetta and 2 others like this.
  7. Viirukatti

    Viirukatti Diamond Diva

    Hi Freeflyer, I have been married 46 years and I think like you about sex. Friendship is the most important part of our life. We have many times talked about our life and both of us think that this is the happiest time in life we have had together.
    Spanishlady, vania and Lynne H like this.
  8. Freeflyer

    Freeflyer Diamond Diva

    I couldn't agree more, Viirukatti. Of course, the menopause often halts our once insatiable desire for sex, but it's still nice to have a kiss and a cuddle now and again - just not as often! I have to laugh at my husband sometimes because he thinks that his waning desire to have sex might be construed by me as his loss of interest in me, lol. Occasionally, he will say "I'm sorry if I don't feel like it so much these days, perhaps you should look for someone else" and all along I would have been thinking "thank goodness he doesn't feel like to so often" :rolleyes:

    I love these years because we can still be friends and close companions without sex even coming into it, on the whole. And if it does, then usually both of us are up for it at the same time because it's been so long since the last time - now, that didn't used to happen, lololol.
  9. Ajaye

    Ajaye Diamond Diva

    I left my husband 10 years ago for one reason and another, but one of them was I just couldn't bear him anywhere near me sexually anymore. I have not had sex since, in fact if I think someone is getting too close I freeze!!! Having said that I have been in love with someone for a long time now but sadly we are not together, but I very often 'dream' of having sex with him and that keeps me going!! I am happy with the way I live now but wouldn't say NO to this person visiting for a night of erotic sex!!!
    Terri, JeanCR, Trish and 4 others like this.
  10. Dr. Susana Mayer

    Dr. Susana Mayer Sapphire Sister

    First I wish to apologize for no photo, seems that all my present ones on file are too large for this space. Shall remedy at some point. My website has photo if you are interested. www.susanamayer.com
    I have a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality and I specialize in women's libidos. I have read all your responses, because I'm curious as to how women are dealing with their changing libidos. In the process of compiling a book on how women, especially ones in committed relationships, deal with these changes.
    One thing I would like to add, is that most of the inquiries I receive are from men who are perplexed by their wives lack of interest in sex. Sometimes referring to their wive's pain, which then creates a domino effect of men's advances being dismissed, then at wits end and not certain how to proceed. Hoping I can wave a magic wand, because they are about to do something they will probably regret or ask for a divorce.
    Hormonal imbalances can wreck havoc with a women's desire for sex as she ages. If it doesn't bother you then it is not an issue as far as I'm concerned, but if you are in relationship or planning on having one you might want to consider the consequences of not having sexual relations. BTW, I believe the term 'sexual satisfaction' changes meaning as we age. A good conversation to have with your partner.

    I'm new to this website and hoping women are willing to have me as part of their conversation. I'm almost 65 and received my degree later in life. I have not only studied the libido but lived with the ramifications of hormonal imbalance and how it wrecked havoc with my life.

    I live part of the year with my 'chosen' mom who is 96, an incredibly vibrant, sexual person. From her I have learned that sexuality is expressed more than in the physical act of 'having sex,' it is also a state of mind.
    Terri, JeanCR, Janice AM and 5 others like this.
  11. Viirukatti

    Viirukatti Diamond Diva

    Welcome Susanna, thanks for your opinions concerning sex it was interesting to read.
  12. Violetta

    Violetta Diamond Diva

    Dr.Mayer, I just saw a movie about three generation women and their sexuality. I don't know about others but when I see an old man that lost his hair, has a stomach, wrinkles and all that comes with advanced age it just is not a turn on, sorry. I gained almost fifty pounds over the last few years, and I shore do not like looking in the mirror. I think it is different if you live with the person for a long time, somehow you do not see the changes. Now there are man and women that age well, but be lucky and find one.As for me I prefer to be without a partner than having to turn off all lights while even holding hands. Again this is my preference:)
  13. Violetta

    Violetta Diamond Diva

    Victoria, that is funnyyyy, i had a good laugh..........:)
  14. Violetta

    Violetta Diamond Diva

    Viirukatti, this is the same belief I hold.:)
    Viirukatti likes this.
  15. mia

    mia Diamond Diva

    I agree with you Violetta.
    Like I said before, I am a carer and see the elderly as in older than me lol and no way could I fancy any of them clothed or unclothed.
    However, saying that, if they had long hair in a ponytail and perhaps a goatee beard .... could still ride a trike .... or quad bike ......
  16. Violetta

    Violetta Diamond Diva

    Mia, you are so funny ""goatee beard"...ha.ha. Well as Viirukatti said, a good friend, that is my belief. It is the character that counts. Of course there has to be I call it chemical attraction. I made a huge mistake earlier in life. The man I am talking about, we met as teenagers, he was best friend with the boyfriend of my best girlfriend, and we were buddies. Best of all his mother loved me to. I left to marry someone that I should have run away as fest as I could. "The young man" is of course married, and he lives in Europe, but even after all this years I love talking to him. However I have to be careful out of respect for his wife. I would still see him today as a young man that I left behind after all this years. I think physical part is only the extension of something much deeper.:)
    vania, mia and Viirukatti like this.
  17. Viirukatti

    Viirukatti Diamond Diva

    You have had a hard life, no wonder if you run a mile. I have lived protected life, my dad was a police officer and kept us God's admonition and dicipline. I got a picture that sex belongs to marriage, my head told me that it is something dirty. We have had difficulties in that section. But we have had many discussions over it and had some kind of compromission. We live without sex sex but we are close to each other. My heart and back problems in fact are helping the situation to live without sex.
    vania and Margaret Manning like this.
  18. Violetta

    Violetta Diamond Diva

    Mia, I think there are many women out there that went true simmilar experiences like you. I think that the new generation of women in general would not put up with the abuse and the low is much more on the side of the women today, still not there but better. Also there are more support groups for women.I am glad that you are not focusing on that aspect of your life and had moved forward in your life. As I said sex should be the extension of what goes on between the two people, but unfortunately was and is used as power tool. :)
    vania, mia, Viirukatti and 1 other person like this.
  19. Violetta

    Violetta Diamond Diva

    Viirukatti, unfortunately the sexual part of a relationship was for centuries dragged down as dirty or made to be dirty. I think the religion had a lot to do with it. In one hand it teaches you to multiply meaning having kids, and in the other hand it teaches you it is dirty. When a young girl got pregnant, it was her fault and never the man's fault. When a girl is raped others decide what she should do, and that she was a slut.
    Northern cultures have to a greater part evolved out of that type of mentality, but in southern and eastern cultures things are starting to change. The movie that I spoke in my post about three generation of women speaks exactly about the issue. Women are from Mexican decent and very traditional, and yes sex was looked up as dirty. It affects your day to day living, and that is what I found very fascinating about the movie. You ultimately give control of yourself instead of being equal to your partner.:)
    vania and Viirukatti like this.
  20. victoria

    victoria Diamond Diva

    Hi Mia, you should write a book or at least a short story for a magazine. there's money in short stories, I have written a few. For at our age we all have a story to tell. The youth of to-day would be surprised what happened behind closed doors in our time.
    Mindy, Viirukatti and Violetta like this.

Share This Page