Dating for mature women can be an enjoyable and rewarding experience – if we allow it to be! Although most of us like being considered good people, continuing old habits of pleasing others first can lead to us not worrying about our own needs.
If you are wondering if you are at a point in life where you should be putting your needs and desires at the top of your to-do list, you’ll enjoy today’s video with Lisa Copeland.
In today’s Sixty and Me video, Margaret Manning interviews dating coach Lisa Copeland to discuss whether the good girl syndrome holds women back when dating after 60.
Without realizing it, many of us are still being good girls, regardless of our age! We have spent our whole lives looking after others, taking care of their needs, and putting ourselves last to the point where it has become a habit.
Lisa believes this creates a cycle where “We bend over backward to please everybody…and do a lot of things for others.” We are so concerned with making everyone else happy, being kind, and sweet, we forget about ourselves!
At some point, we’ve expertly programmed ourselves to believe doing things for you before others means we are being selfish! We feel like we need to ask permission from others to put our needs, wants, and desires first.
As such, we’re more focused on whether it is acceptable to start dating, who is right to date, or whether our loved ones approve. As Margaret explains, “We’ve asked permission all our lives and been told not to do things.”
The barriers to dating over 60 are simple – they exist entirely in our own minds! Lisa says she finds women coming to her with preconceived ideas and concerns that completely hold them back!
The first issue she sees is a complete lack of confidence that can, unfortunately, make a woman look needy. Men love confident women, and lacking confidence can be an unattractive quality.
The second barrier Lisa sees is what she calls ‘limiting beliefs.’ This is where we create ideas of what we can and can’t have in our lives, and believe it to the point where that is what happens! As Lisa says, “What we focus on is what shows up in our lives – if you think no one wants you, that’s what will happen.”
To enjoy dating after 60, we need to remove the limitations we place on ourselves. As Margaret says in today’s Sixty and Me video, “The I’m not… attitude is very limiting.”
Unfortunately, the “I’m not” attitude tends to have a lot of friends – “Miss I Can’t”, “Miss I Shouldn’t” and the life-of-the-party, “Miss I Won’t”! Having one negative attitude or thought process can spiral out of control and be an insidious influence on the way we live our lives. Lisa believes “We need to go inside and ask ourselves what do I really want?”
Once we learn to stop making age an issue and begin to nurture ourselves the whole world will open up!
As we stop living our lives solely to please others, we will find ourselves feeling happier and more satisfied. We give more to others when we are happy, fulfilled, and have a positive mindset than when we are doing it as a matter of course.
This creates a cycle of positive energy going out into the world – the more we give out, the more we get back!
Have you tried dating after 60? What do you feel stops you from dating? Do you feel more positive after putting yourself first? Join in the conversation!
Tags Senior Dating Advice