4 Ways to Do What You Should Instead of What You Want
It’s Monday. You’ve decided you’re going to finally lose those post-menopausal pounds. Starting today, you’re going to eat better. You make a yummy salad and bring it to work for lunch. You vow to cut down on sweets and exercise for an hour three times a week.
Then you stop in the grocery store, and they are giving out free doughnuts to the customers. You had oatmeal for breakfast and aren’t hungry, but you grab a chocolate glazed one and wolf it down while walking to the cash register.
At lunch, your coworkers order some pizza, and you decide to join them. You put your salad in the fridge and think, “I’ll eat it tomorrow.” And you’re too tired to stop at the gym at the end of the day. So much for good intentions!
Probably everyone who has ever tried to lose weight has had an experience like the example above. Since the first humans evolved in Africa, people have acted against their better judgment.
The Greeks Called It Akrasia
We’ve been doing it for so long that the ancient Greeks coined a name for it: akrasia. It’s when you choose to do something you want even though you know you ‘should’ be doing something else.
Aristotle described two different kinds of akrasia. The first one is motivated by impetuosity or the passion of the moment. This can cause a lapse in reason that leads you to make a choice different from what you know is the better course. Like when you say something in anger that you immediately regret.
Aristotle described the second kind of akrasia as weakness of will. Many of my weight loss clients start out telling me they are weak-willed, but I discourage such thinking.
It is just an excuse, but when we actually believe it, we unknowingly look for ways to prove ourselves right. Plus, it isn’t true. We are all strong-willed when we put our minds to it.
The Marshmallow Test
Years ago, a psychologist conducted what was known as the Marshmallow Test. It demonstrated that a person’s ability to delay gratification correlated more to success and a higher quality of life than other factors like IQ or personality tests.
But, unfortunately for humans, that’s not how our brains prefer to work. Instead, we have a preference for immediate gratification over future benefit, especially when that future benefit takes a while to attain. Losing weight is a perfect example.
Even though you decided to eat less sugar, you still ate that doughnut. And it gave you an immediate taste of pleasure and a little sugar rush, both of which are very short-lived.
Choosing not to eat the doughnut, so we can be slimmer and healthier, requires us to put the best interests of our future self ahead of our current impulses.
But deep down, we really do care about making good choices. So how do we do it? How do we get our ‘should’ self to win out over our ‘want’ self?
Create an Immediate Reward for Making the Long-Term Choice
Emotions create habits, so whenever you make a choice for your future benefit over immediate gratification, create some good emotions around it. Celebrate it!
Say to yourself, “Hooray! I did it!” or something else that will congratulate your success. Really feel the accomplishment of making a good choice. Give yourself a pat on the back.
You can also give yourself small non-food rewards for consistently making the same good choice so that you form a new positive habit. For example, let’s say you commit to eat sitting down every time you eat for a week so that you can enjoy your food more and be aware of what you’re consuming.
Each time you sit down to eat, congratulate yourself. “Yay for me! Way to go!” Then after sticking with it for a week, buy yourself a little gift that you promised yourself ahead of time. By the end of that week, eating sitting down may become natural for you.
There are several ways to create accountability. One is to proclaim publicly that you are going to do something.
Let’s say your goal is to go for a half-hour walk four times this week. Post it on Facebook or tell your spouse or friend that you are going to do that and ask them to check in with you about your progress. Or commit to paying them $10 for each time that you don’t take your walk.
Even better, have a walking buddy. Find a friend to take those walks with you. That way, if you feel the inclination not to go for a walk, your choice is affecting someone else.
Make It Easier to Make Good Choices
Want to get in the habit of eating more vegetables? Do some food preparation in advance. Make a couple of salads that you can grab from the fridge, or a pot of soup that you can eat for a few days.
Keep some hummus and sugar snap peas in the refrigerator for a quick snack or lunch. You are more likely to make a good choice when it’s easy to do so. Another strategy for making good choices is to have the choice be as painless as possible.
Want to start doing some yoga every morning? Roll out your mat the night before in a place where you can’t miss it. Then decide you’ll do five minutes of yoga right after your morning shower. Connecting the new yoga practice to something you already do every day will help you remember, too.
Visualize Yourself Making the Right Choice
Let’s say you’ve decided that you don’t want to overeat at the party you’re attending this weekend. Sit down in a quiet place, close your eyes, and picture yourself at the party enjoying talking with people and intentionally choosing what to eat instead of mindlessly overeating.
You can actually train your brain using visualization, just like if you have the actual experience. You can take this a step further by visualizing your slimmer self and thinking that you would rather forgo immediate and fleeting pleasure in exchange for the long-term joy of being in a healthier, leaner body.
Rather than using the excuse of being weak-willed, try some of these approaches so you can experience the true joy of achieving your health and weight loss goals.
What good choices are you making in your life to form positive aging habits? Are you having trouble making commitments to a healthy lifestyle? What changes do you plan to make to create a more positive aging philosophy? Please share your insights and tough choices, and let’s have a discussion.
Shari Broder works with foodies who want to be a healthy weight. She teaches them how to enjoy the foods they love while ending their desire to overeat so they lose weight and keep it off. She is a life coach, attorney, arbitrator and mediator. You can check out her website here.