Angry About Your Divorce After 50? Here’s What to Do
As you recover from your divorce and move on, there is one all-too-common emotion that causes way more headaches than you need.
Anger. Being ticked off. The persistent rage that will not leave you but could jeopardize your future relationships.
Anger Is a Thief
You worked really hard to obtain and keep the things that give you joy and comfort in life.
You probably keep your house or apartment nice and cosy, and you likely have homeowner’s insurance to protect it in case something happens to it. Your beloved heirlooms and the mementos you treasure are probably tucked away with the greatest of love and care.
You wouldn’t leave your door unlocked and invite a thief in to destroy the things you treasure, would you?
Of course not!
So, why on earth are you leaving the door to your life and happiness open to anger on a daily basis? Just as a thief will break into your home, wreck it, and take away everything that is dear to you, so will anger.
It’s time to lock the door and install one of those baller home security systems. It is time to protect one of the most precious things that anger will rob you of: your happiness and chance to heal.
Don’t Let Anger Get a Hold of You
Anger is other people’s stupid stuff trying to control you. Why let it?
When you are ticked off at something, your body is all too happy to let you know it. Your blood pressure, breathing and heart rate increase because your adrenal glands are being set into “fight or flight” mode.
This physiological reaction may have served Neanderthals when it was time to fight off whatever prehistoric beast threatened their survival, but that same anger disrupts your calm. Why let it control you like that?
The fact that your ex didn’t treat you right, the fact that the marriage is ending or has ended, and the fact that the ex and their lawyers may still be disrupting your peace of mind is just a simple fact. None of those are indicators of how you are obligated to react as a result.
Do you remember the delightful Pirates of the Caribbean movies with Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow? He put it too well:
“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.”
Your attitude about the problem is your anger. The stupid stuff that you are reacting to doesn’t have to disrupt your peace of mind.
How you choose to react to the problem – in this case, the facts – is what makes the difference between navigating this process with less drama and stress for yourself, or letting all the madness drag you down and leave you exhausted.
You’re better than getting pissed off at something that you cannot control. It’s time to focus on the things you actually can control.
If It Does Not Serve You, Let It Go
Some years ago, I was sweating my butt off in a hot yoga class. I was frustrated that I could not get into a back bend because my arthritis decided it didn’t want to play nice. My stomach was churning because of the third argument I had had with my boss that week.
On top of that, my heart was sinking because a man who I had been seeing and who I really liked had called the night before to break up with me. I was a knot of rage that afternoon in yoga class.
“If it does not serve you, then let it go,” the instructor said.
Although the yoga teacher probably meant for the students to be kind and patient with themselves, reassuring them the back bend would happen when the body was ready for it, those words stuck. And I remember bursting into tears.
Not because I wasn’t flexible enough during that moment in time. Simply put, I was letting the fact that I was inflexible in life cloud my ability to just be and move on.
We have to understand that if a negative emotion is not going to improve our lives, we need to show it the door. There is no place for anger holding us hostage.
Anger It Has No Place in Your Life
The next time you start to feel pissed off about the divorce drama, do the following:
- When your pulse starts to quicken, take a step back.
- Close your eyes and take three deep breaths.
- Remember that whatever BS is coming your way does not have power to piss you off.
- Remember that if the anger is not contributing to your well-being, then breathe that negativity out.
- Inhale in the fresh air and focus on the beautiful life and calm that will be your guide.
- Carry on, because you have way too many awesome things going on to waste your precious emotional energy on anything toxic.
What struggles do you experience when it comes to dealing with divorce anger? What steps have you taken to kick it to the curb? Please share the strategies that have worked for you!
Martha Bodyfelt is a divorce coach, whose website “Surviving Your Split” helps readers navigate their divorce with less stress and drama, so they can move on with their lives. For your Free Divorce Warrior Survival Kit, stop by Surviving Your Split or drop Martha a line at email@example.com. You can also visit her on Facebook.