As a dating coach focused exclusively on women over 50, I have some thoughts to offer on how to determine whether you are settling with the wrong man.
Men who practically trip over themselves to make you happy are great catches if you love them. But if you don’t, you are marking time and making it more and more difficult to leave a man and a relationship that isn’t right for you.
You deserve to feel happily in love with the right man, not the wrong man who wants to make you happy. So, if you’re not feeling it, maybe you need to go back and look at why you were attracted to him in the first place.
Was it his looks, his money, his communication skills or was it just his ability to make you happy? No matter how much he does for you and how good that might feel right now, in the long run, without a strong heart connection, chances are you’ll feel like something is always missing.
Sometimes when you’re so tired of doing everything on your own and you’re feeling vulnerable and lonely, any man in your life starts feeling better than no man. You just want companionship for dinner, someone to travel with around the world or just a date for a wedding so you don’t have to go alone.
You begin feeling desperate to stop the loneliness cycle and end up attracting a project man who is needy and wants someone who will take care of him. As a nurturing woman, it’s easy to feel a strong attraction to this type of man.
Why? Because there is nothing better than a good project to keep you busy, especially when its a man you can mold into a customized version of what you want.
If you’ve ever gotten involved with a project man, you know the way it usually ends. In the beginning, he loves all that you are doing for him, but over time, he starts to see you as smothering and begins moving away.
When he’s back on his feet, he leaves because he wants someone who – at this point – accepts him for who he is versus someone continually trying to change him.
You end up devastated because you’ve given your all, investing in him both emotionally and financially. And you resent him for taking so much while giving so little back to you and the relationship.
Most of the time, a project man is not worth the financial and emotional expense just to have a man hanging around who’s available for a Saturday night date.
Instead, own that you are a fabulous single woman with a great life. When you do this, you’ll be setting standards for yourself that remind you to keep playing the dating game until the right man comes into your life for the right reasons.
When you’re dating a man you’re not absolutely crazy about, what you’re doing is making it hard for the right man to come into your life. All of your time and energy is going into the wrong man and a relationship you don’t love.
If he’s not the right man, be honest with yourself, and with him, and end this fake love relationship. Or better yet, ask if he’d be your friend instead.
It might be fun for the two of you to hang when neither of you is dating anyone special. Then get yourself back into the dating pool. You both deserve to be loved, cherished and adored by your forever person.
Do you think that you are settling for the wrong man in your 60s? Do you think your partner is your one true love? Please share why you think you are currently with the right (wrong) man. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Tags Senior Dating Advice