3 Tips for Deciding if You Are Settling with the Wrong Man After 60
As a dating coach focused exclusively on women over 50, I have some thoughts to offer on how to determine whether you are settling with the wrong man.
Staying with a Man You Love Because He’d Do Anything for You!
Men who practically trip over themselves to make you happy are great catches if you love them. But if you don’t, you are marking time and making it more and more difficult to leave a man and a relationship that isn’t right for you.
You deserve to feel happily in love with the right man, not the wrong man who wants to make you happy. So, if you’re not feeling it, maybe you need to go back and look at why you were attracted to him in the first place.
Was it his looks, his money, his communication skills or was it just his ability to make you happy? No matter how much he does for you and how good that might feel right now, in the long run, without a strong heart connection, chances are you’ll feel like something is always missing.
Being with a Man Because You Just Have to Have a Man in Your Life
Sometimes when you’re so tired of doing everything on your own and you’re feeling vulnerable and lonely, any man in your life starts feeling better than no man. You just want companionship for dinner, someone to travel with around the world or just a date for a wedding so you don’t have to go alone.
You begin feeling desperate to stop the loneliness cycle and end up attracting a project man who is needy and wants someone who will take care of him. As a nurturing woman, it’s easy to feel a strong attraction to this type of man.
Why? Because there is nothing better than a good project to keep you busy, especially when its a man you can mold into a customized version of what you want.
If you’ve ever gotten involved with a project man, you know the way it usually ends. In the beginning, he loves all that you are doing for him, but over time, he starts to see you as smothering and begins moving away.
When he’s back on his feet, he leaves because he wants someone who – at this point – accepts him for who he is versus someone continually trying to change him.
You end up devastated because you’ve given your all, investing in him both emotionally and financially. And you resent him for taking so much while giving so little back to you and the relationship.
Most of the time, a project man is not worth the financial and emotional expense just to have a man hanging around who’s available for a Saturday night date.
Instead, own that you are a fabulous single woman with a great life. When you do this, you’ll be setting standards for yourself that remind you to keep playing the dating game until the right man comes into your life for the right reasons.
Dating the Wrong Man Until Someone Better Shows Up
When you’re dating a man you’re not absolutely crazy about, what you’re doing is making it hard for the right man to come into your life. All of your time and energy is going into the wrong man and a relationship you don’t love.
If he’s not the right man, be honest with yourself, and with him, and end this fake love relationship. Or better yet, ask if he’d be your friend instead.
It might be fun for the two of you to hang when neither of you is dating anyone special. Then get yourself back into the dating pool. You both deserve to be loved, cherished and adored by your forever person.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you think that you are settling for the wrong man in your 60s? Do you think your partner is your one true love? Please share why you think you are currently with the right (wrong) man. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Tags Senior Dating Advice
I separated from my husband 10 years ago and we are both living separately happily single but are best friends and go on holiday ir meals out together. Sometimes I remember why we separated but most of the time we get along. It’s the perfect marriage for me.
I am currently dating a man who treats me like a queen. He’s attentive, intelligent, we have great conversation, he’s lovely to wait staff, & truly revels in making sure I am satisfied😉 ……. But this is when I feel I’m waiting for the show to drop.
I have been disappointed so many times by men who seemed into me but only wanted “into me”.
so I’m not sure if I just ride it out and enjoy our time together and see what builds or I cut & run early. I’ve been single for 5 yrs, no true relationships, 2 4-mo situationships only.
he’s uttered the L word but I’m not there yet. Would love your thoughts on this.
It sounds like sex may be the basis of your “relationship”….I learned a long time ago, sex is easy….a loving, caring relationship is work! If you do not care emotionally about this man, let him go….it is not fair to either of you. The physical side of a relationship should only happen when your heart says “Yes!”..not just your sex drive
Well sex is not the basis – we have a great time together and the conversation is full and engaging. Sex is just a part of it – a good part – but just a part.
I dated, then married, a man I didn’t love but who adored me… in the beginning. I married him because – I realize now – I was afraid of how I’d support myself when I got laid off. Unfortunately it didn’t work. It depleted my severance, I no longer own the beautiful condo I had when we met and am now a renter on partial assistance due to him treating me as his saviour and a very expensive divorce (he prolonged the whole process out of spite). The divorce took longer than the length of our 2 year marriage. Now I am very happily independent and love and enjoy my life as the single woman I was when we met.
Glad you got back on your feet. I felt like that after my divorce
Because I’m highly sexual, I have been meeting men who are great lovers but they don’t connect deeply emotionally. In a way I don’t believe I can have both. Should I wait to meet the right man?
I can relate to what you’re saying. It all depends on what YOU are looking for. If you are looking for a serious committed relationship refrain from intimacy until you get to know him. If you want something casual with no strings that’s okay too.However sex without love or commitment becomes boring after a while. I have had many lovers, and got married after 60. Sex i
Is good enough but the companionship and life we share together makes up for the mind blowing sex I had with others.
Well there is a commitment – he truly cares for me as I do him. I’m just not quite at the live stage yet but I truly enjoying spending time with him & looking forward to seeing how it grows.
I understand that feeling and would have agreed with you until now. Here I think I can have both – just patiently letting it grow and see. Keep looking Maryse
I dated a guy for about a year. We knew that it wasn’t right and parted ways for about a month. Then we realized that we made better friends than lovers. He’s my plus one when I go to the opera and have no one else to take. I’m his plus one at the ballet. We’ve traveled the world together as singles and had a ball. He has been the best guy friend. I’ve had in many years. Some nights he’ll cook dinner for me and I’ll fold his laundry. We make a good friend team. We encourage each other when we meet new people online and we console each other when it doesn’t work out. He has been a great friend and confident, and I will actually miss him when he finds that love of his life. We still plan to be in each other’s lives, but we are also realistic and know that it will change. I am very hopeful for this change because it means we’ve both found our soulmates even if it isn’t with each other. Good luck out there. Finding a friend like mine is more difficult than finding that love. But they do exist. It’s a really good article and I appreciate you writing it. Good luck in your quests!