Over 50 dating could be a challenge, especially if you just decided to have go at it. Are there any quick facts that could help you out? Join us in a discussion with dating coach, Lisa Copeland, who is here to share some little known facts that just might ease your mind. Enjoy the show!
Today we are going to be inspired by Lisa Copeland who is a professional dating coach. She works specifically with women over 50 to help them attract quality men and find love in their life. Welcome, Lisa.
Thank you, Margaret, for having me.
You’re welcome. Our community talks about dating all the time. One thing that I think is a challenge in our 60’s are stereotypes of all kinds. It’s common to hear statements like, “Women over 60, or women over 50, are…” this or that.
I would love to chat with you about some of the stereotypes that we encounter when dating over 50. There are some things that might surprise us about getting involved in the dating scene, and you are an expert in this field. You deal with women all the time, so help us understand the reality of over 50 dating.
Over 50 dating is about fun and choice. Most people in their 20’s are looking for someone to mate with, to have babies with. This is not what you’re looking for now. I think that the best thing about over 50 dating is that you have a choice about the role a man can hold in your life. He could be a friend, or he could be a husband.
I think the second thing that will surprise you about over 50 dating is women’s misconception that every man out there wants a younger woman. That is not true. We get focused on a couple of men that we think we like online, and they may say that they are looking for younger women, but men look at all women. It’s why you want to have a fantastic picture on your profile.
Men are out there trolling those sites and looking to see who’s available. They’ll browse the profiles of women older than them. It’s all based on how you look in your picture. So I advise that you don’t get too caught up in that. If you like a guy who’s still pursuing 35-year-old women when he’s in his 60’s, you should think about why you would want that kind of man in the first place.
Exactly. I think another surprise is that there are a lot of guys out there who want to find relationships. They’re just as terrified about it as women are. I remember talking once to another dating coach, David Wygant. He said, “Don’t think that men are all confident. They want magic, too. They want love in their life.”
They do. Actually, I think men are more into relationships than many women. Women have more emotional connections in their lives with friends and family, while the only way a man has an emotional connection, or a safe place to talk about his stuff, is with a woman.
It scares women, but a lot of men would call you ‘honey’ or ‘babe’ before they’ve even met you. This is how men try you out. They do what’s called future talk. If you go out on a date, they’ll say, “I can see my mother liking you,” or “I can see my kids liking you.” So you’re thinking, “Oh, he loves me and is going to ask me out again,” but he never asks you out because he was future talking.
I’ve never heard that expression before. Maybe it’s part of the psychology of men, to be organizing things and preparing for going on the hunt. That’s an interesting concept.
Yeah, that’s future talking. Next on our list of surprising things about over 50 dating is the number of younger men who are interested in older women. Most of us go, “What’s wrong with them?”
Believe it or not, they think that we are low maintenance, which cracks me up. I always think hair alone, once you’re over 50, is high maintenance. Most women dye their hair; then there’s also the one hair you get on your chin.
So, yes, they consider us much lower maintenance than women their own age. For women who would like a sexual partner — and there are a lot of women who are actually more sexually orientated than men — these younger guys are great.
When I was in Bali earlier this year, I used to go to a place called The Hub. It was a working place where people of all ages would hang out. We did a session where they asked me to talk about my business, and it surprised me that the room was full of young guys. They were in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, but none over 60.
What I sensed was a genuine attraction to someone who was doing something with their live. I told them about my business and the challenges that I face. I was real about the issues. The point is, you can attract people of any age by just being yourself and being interesting.
You’ve got a lot to share. I didn’t create any romantic relationships there, but it didn’t matter somehow. That was okay. It was a surprise to me that I could still be attractive to people just for who I was. Do you find that, too? I know you have younger friends.
Yeah, I have friends of all ages, and I think what you’re saying is true.
Going back to our list of surprises about over 50 dating, something we should mention is the sexual dysfunction that happens both for women and for men. We, especially, always think of men as viral and constantly able to do ‘it,’ but men have tremendous sexual dysfunction issues.
That is shocking, mostly because of what the media and the movies have shown us. Also, because our mothers didn’t talk about this to us. So, a lot of women come to me, and they always say, “Oh my God, I just can’t believe this!”
I think that is a very difficult area for everyone to navigate because men’s egos are closely attached to their ability to make love to a woman. It is interesting to note that some men have become better lovers because of the dysfunctions that are happening. This is all due to drugs and other types of things that are now available for them to take. So I think that is one of the biggest surprises for a lot of women.
I think you’ve highlighted about four or five different surprises about dating over 50. Just like every other stage of life and of relationships, it’s never perfect. When you’re dating at a younger age, you face a whole set of different issues.
You just have to take advantage of the negatives and find other ways to show affection, to be close. You won’t know until you try.
Right. You should remember that this is a time in your life when you can have fun. So many women get focused on dating the same way they did in their 20’s, looking for the man to make babies with. You can go out there and have fun. Get to know new and interesting men. Put them in your life in all different slots, not just as boyfriend or husband.
The other thing is, this is a stage in our lives when we can be kind of stuck in our habits. You don’t have to have a boyfriend. You can have different relationships. You have so many choices, don’t get caught into, “It just has to be one person for the rest of my life.”
That is the biggest surprise of all. There’s a whole redefinition going on about dating over 50. That opportunity to choose the where on the spectrum of relationships you want to be. Life is short, and we need to have friends who are doing the things we love to do and have fun doing them.
I think women over 50 are easy to be around because we give up worrying about what people think about us. We should know what we like out of life, and what types of people make us laugh. So we should share that new, confident person that we’ve become.
I think we share ourselves with women, but when we get around men, we give our power up because we want them to like us. That is still a leftover feeling from when we were young and needed approval. That has to do with a lot of deep work I do with women — coming back to love themselves and feeling empowered within themselves.
We often give that power up, which puts limitations to our personality. We are amazing at this age, and we are beautiful inside and out. I think that is what younger men find appealing — there is a certain beauty inside that reflects in our glow.
We talked about this in another interview, the relationship that we have with ourselves colors every other relationship. I find it great that as a coach you start out with bringing out that self-love in women.
We love you, Lisa. Thank you so much for being here. I’m sure that women in the community will find this so helpful. I would also remind you to go up to Lisa’s website, findaqualityman.com. There are all kinds of wonderful treasures there to explore.
Which of these facts surprised you the most? Do you think there are other facts that aren’t commonly known about over 50 dating? Please join the conversation!
Tags Senior Dating Advice