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9 Things I Wish My Married Friends Knew About Being Single Over 60

By Lisa Copeland October 22, 2022 Dating

They say you never know what it’s like to stand in another person’s shoes. This is such a profound and true statement when it comes to the relationship between married and single friends in their 50s, 60s and beyond.

As a dating coach for women over 50, I hear the pain in women’s voices when they talk about their married friends, and the lives they miss being part of. They longingly wish they could share what it’s like to be single and alone at this time in their life without coming across as needy or unhappy.

My hope is that this article opens everyone’s eyes to being more compassionate and aware of what it’s like when life changes, you’re on your own, and no longer part of a couple.

We Need Your Encouragement and Love

We know you mean well when you tell us what a great catch we are and that we’ll be married again before we know it. But when it doesn’t happen right away, we feel like we’re a failure in your eyes.

Instead, we’d love if you could encourage us to go out and date when we’re ready and that you’ll be there to listen when we need a loving ear.

We Need You to Honor Our Choices

Please try and give the men we’re dating a chance. We know it’s hard for you to adjust to us being with someone else, especially when we’ve shared a long history together.

Whether he is in our life for six months or we marry him, if you and your husband could make an effort to get to know this new man, we’d so appreciate it. When you tell us that you don’t need to make new friends, what we hear is, you don’t care about our friendship anymore, and that hurts.

We Need Your Support When It Doesn’t Work Out

Please don’t share you thought a man was bad for us after we’ve broken up with him. Sometimes, even if you didn’t like him, we did. Our hearts are hurting, and we could use support at this time.

We Would Appreciate a Call

If you haven’t heard from us in a while, instead of asking all our common friends if they’ve seen us, give us a call to make sure we’re ok. It would mean a lot to know we’re still on your radar.

We Would Love to Be Included in Parties

Please consider inviting us back to the holiday parties we always enjoyed over the years. We miss connecting with our couple friends, both male and female. We were part of the group a long time and it hurts to be left out.

We Need Your Support in This Time of Change

Please understand we’ve had to experience a lot of change on our own such as downsizing, loss of people in our lives, and suddenly being single after being part of a couple for so many years.

You have a partner to share your emotions with. We are doing it all alone. This is a time we could really use some support.

We Miss the Friendship and Weekly Get-Togethers

We can spend a lot of dinner times on both weekdays and weekends alone, especially if our kids live far away. Let’s do dinner together sometime and bring your husband too. We’re not interested in them in anyway but as a friend, and we miss the friendship all of us shared.

We Appreciate Your Loving Ear

Many of us are strong successful women. We have a tendency to hide the pain we’re feeling and will act as if everything is alright.

Sometimes if we feel close and safe with you, we will dump everything that has been happening in our lives on you because we have no one else to share our thoughts with. We don’t mean to do that, but we are so grateful you let us express what is on our mind.

You Can Lean on Us Too

We so treasure our friendship and we’re here for you too when you need us.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you feel around your married friends? Does it feel awkward to be in the company of a friend who has become single after 50? Why do you think you feel that way? Do you think you can keep an open mind and heart and accept your single friend for who she is now? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Judith Sturman

I’m quite shocked by this. It seems a bit old fashioned….as if the only goal in life is to find another man! A retired vicar told me recently that in his experience – in his words – ‘widows blossomed’!

Lisa Copeland

Hi Judith. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Yes, many women love being single and others want to find a man to share their life with. That’s what I help them with. This particular article is about what married friends don’t understand about being single.

Stephanie Wall

I just turned 70 and I’ve been single 14 years. I’ve had many dates over the years with just a couple of meaningful relationships. I’m not looking to get married – just have a great, close relationship with a man who is my friend and lover.
What’s the issue when it comes to my women friends? All of these women are married! Now, that is unusual! They’re all in long term relationships. They have no clue what it’s like to be single and dating at this age. Several have been skeptical about online dating, telling me that they would never do that, would never look for another man if their husbands were gone. Some simply cannot understand why I would want to. I even think a few are a bit envious! They jibe me about the number of men I’ve “gone through) not understanding my “pickiness”.
I feel a bit judged because they cannot put themselves into my shoes. I’d like to have that person by my side for company, someone to talk to, to share intellectual and physical intimacy; to go to the store to buy chicken soup when I have a cold. Maybe my girlfriends can relate to that! I still love them, though!

Lisa Copeland

Hi Stephanie…thank you for sharing this. Many women feel judged by their married friends for the reason you mentioned. It’s hard to really get where someone else is if you haven’t traveled that same road. Glad you still love them. I always tell my clients to only share their dreams with people who will support their actions. It makes a huge difference because when other’s don’t support you without judgement, they can be displacing their fears onto your dreams. Make sense?


After I retired art 66, the lady who I worked with that I was really close to had not kept in touch. She was a very close trusted friend, or so I thought. It really hurts that she hasn’t reached out but only once in 3 months. I’ve tried to reach out to her but she hasn’t responded.
I feel like it was only a friendship to help get her through the stress at work and not a lasting true friendship. Breaks my heart.

Lisa Copeland

Oh Phyllis, that must be so hard and I can understand the heartbreak you are feeling. Are you doing things to make new friends now that you’re retired?

The Author

Lisa Copeland is a leading internationally recognized Love Coach and Dating Expert for women over 50 inspiring and teaching them how to feel confident, empowered and joyful dating. You can get a free copy of her eBook “The 5 Little Known Secrets to Finding a Quality Man” at

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