I have been an advocate for positive aging for years now. I fight against society’s “rules” that an aging woman is no longer beautiful, sexy, relevant. But I recently walked into a large beauty store and looked around me. Everything, and I mean everything, had these negative connotations against women of a certain age:
The message that society still sends about a mature woman is that her face is something that needs to be “fixed.” That her journey is something that needs to be “erased.” And I started to realize that that is a big part of the problem. Women 50 and older are taught by the messages they receive that “youth” is the only way to beauty.
What if that is nonsense? What if the message is wrong?
For most of us, our entire lives have been filled with words like “anti-aging.” As if, somehow, aging is a dirty word. Whether consciously or not, we’ve absorbed this kind of self-talk. And that is why we are constantly trying to “fight time.”
I have looked into the mirror myself at times and thought, “What happened to your FACE?”
But this kind of talk is not good for us. It’s great for the beauty companies. It makes them billions of dollars a year, those words.
Isn’t it time we gave ourselves permission to use different words? Haven’t we earned that?
My face – and yours – tells of a journey. It tells of heartbreak and joy, accomplishment and failure. It’s a testament to our babies, our loved ones, ourselves. It’s a roadmap to our decades of learning, growth, and living. And it’s evidence of a life lived, of wisdom and grace gained, and of struggles we have overcome. We have experienced life.
This all doesn’t need to be “erased.” It deserves to be honored. By you, and by society.
So, start replacing those negative words with positive ones.
Here are some empowering words to use instead of the negative ones you’ve been taught.
And my favorite, captivating. Why captivating? Because this word goes beyond “attractive.” It’s about your face being engaging and unforgettable. And no amount of wrinkles or sagging skin can take that away from you. For more help with this, you can also check out my post, Aged Beauty: How to Feel Beautiful Again.
So, for me, this doesn’t mean I don’t like makeup and skin care anymore. Far from it. I’ve always been a girl who loves using those tools to enhance my confidence and express myself.
But it isn’t about “anti-aging” anymore. Not for me, and I hope not for you. It’s about choosing products and beauty routines that make you feel good; that enhance, not hide. Because why should we hide our character, our history?
I write a lot about the beauty products I love. But they are products that light up your face, enhance your already gorgeous eyes, and make your skin feel luxurious. One of my favorite tricks is to use the right under-eye “concealer” – the beauty industry’s word, not mine! – to brighten your eyes and bring out the radiance in your face. (Not cake up your face with cover up.) You can find my favorites in my post, Best Concealers for Mature Skin.
I’ve stopped chasing youth and want to be present in my own skin. Loving it for who I am and finding beauty in that. Yes, it takes practice. We’ve been brainwashed to believe the lies about aging for most of our lives. But if I can learn to see myself in a new way, so can you.
“Anti-Aging” sends the message that to age is unacceptable. Makes us less. Makes us feel damaged. It’s a word I don’t use anymore. Let’s pro-age instead. Let’s treat our beauty journey with reverence instead of contempt. Be pro-you.
Aging is a privilege denied to many. Let’s honor the journey and refuse to let the words that society taught us define us.
And if you still feel the pressure to look “young”, maybe ask yourself this:
What if my most beautiful self is ahead of me?
Which anti-aging labels and words affect you the most? How do you counter them? Have you fallen into the beauty industry’s trap that insinuates aging somehow makes you “less”?
Brava! Best article EVER! I have been telling my younger women family members that my face reflects my life, and I have no need to change or erase any worry wrinkles, laugh lines, or sagging from age because my life has been full of laughter and sadness too. The joys have enabled me to be happy and the sorrows have given me wisdom. If that is reflected on my face, how lovely! No need for fillers, surgery, Botox. Thank you for your article!
I LOVE your attitude! We need to stand up for one another and with each other to change the way society views aging women… I’m glad you are!
I love this. As a beautiful woman who is about to turn 69, I must constantly practice accepting my aging face and it is tough being bombarded with young women in every ad and in the media. I am blessed and focus on those blessings . Thank you for this article! My favorite thing in the article is the question-“ what if my most beautiful self is ahead of me?”. I think it is.
I love your energy and attitude Jeanne! You know what I like best about your comment? “As a beautiful woman who is about to turn 69″… Love it! Thank you for your kind words about the article… I hope you come visit me at TheMiddleGirls.com! -Kathy
I, personally have always strived to be my “best self”, no matter what that age was. And, for years I was told I didn’t look my age. Now, at 68, I guess I do, because I’m not told that very often. My husband will be 71 soon, and he’s the one that gets the comments-tall, slim, nice smile. And I have friends around my age who brag about not wearing makeup or coloring their hair, and because I’m a firm believer in both, I’m thinking “yeah, we know”. But hey, each to his own, right? I will try to look put together in spite of extra weight and wrinkles.
All we can all do is keep trying to see ourselves how we deserve! I see this photo and see a beautiful woman. I hope you do too! I would love to have you come visit me at TheMiddleGirls.com Lee Ann!
Thank you. I am now 68 and have also thought the ‘ you don’t look it’ comments have become less. Heading toward 70 has felt bit scary.i cant stop those wrinkles and what ever claims creams make they wont either . Im focusing on treating myself to better made clothes and wearing colours I love and smiling more.
I admire your great attitude 🙂
I am in total agreement! I love this article!!
THANK YOU so much! I needed to see this today. I have tried and failed to “erase” the signs of maturing in my face. But why? Instead of fighting it, I am going to embrace it! My face is the culmination of a lifetime of experiences. Trying to hide it is trying to hide me. No more!
Thank you for your wise insights. We all need to listen to them!