Dating After Divorce: Practical Advice for Older Women (Video)
Unlike in previous generations, dating after a divorce is an accepted option for women over 60.
Of course, not all of us will feel like getting back in the senior dating game. That’s totally fine. But, for those members of our community who are still interested in finding love – or at least a little fun and romance – this episode of the Sixty and Me show is here to help.
Is Dating After Divorce Worth the Trouble?
On the one hand, nothing hurts your self-confidence more than a divorce. For years after my divorce, I couldn’t imagine going on a date with another man. At first, I was afraid of getting hurt. Then, as the years passed, I learned to love my independence. The idea of letting another man into my life simply wasn’t appealing.
Now, I’m starting to feel like it may be time to give dating a second look. Over the last few years, I’ve interviewed dating experts like David Wygant and Lisa Copeland. I also just interviewed divorce expert, Martha Bodyfelt.
Martha is an expert on recovering from a divorce. She is also the founder of survivingyoursplit.com. So, as you can imagine, she has a lot to say about dating after divorce. Enjoy the show!
Thinking About Dating After a Divorce? Ask Yourself This Question…
Martha says that there is one question that every woman should ask herself before dating after a divorce. The question is: “Are you completely ok going for the rest of your life by yourself, relying on friends and family, but, not having a man by your side?”
If your answer to this question is “yes!” you probably shouldn’t be dating. There are so many wonderful things that you can do with your time and being single is absolutely a viable lifestyle for many women.
At the same time, many of us, if we are honest with ourselves, really do miss having a man in our lives. We miss the support that being in a relationship can bring and we crave physical contact. This is also ok. The important thing is to know what you want.
Remember that We Are All Faking It
If you fall into the latter category and decide that senior dating is right for you, Martha has some advice. She says that we need to remind ourselves that everyone – men and women – feel insecure and nervous when it comes to dating.
This is completely normal. The trick is to “embrace the awkward” and not let our fears about our appearance or our inevitable mistakes get in the way.
Martha agrees with me that dating after 60 doesn’t have to be so darn serious. Men are just as nervous about dating as we are. We all need to just relax and enjoy ourselves.
Set Your Expectations Appropriately
Many women hate the fact that older men judge them, in part, based on their appearance. These same women have absolutely no problem expecting a man to be rich and devilishly handsome.
The truth is that both men and women need to be realistic when it comes to dating after 60. Most older men are not going to look like George Clooney. Most women aren’t going to look like Helen Mirren. That’s ok.
Do most men prefer younger women? Yes. But, most older men simply don’t have the confidence, looks, financial resources and charm to compete with men 1 or 2 decades their junior. In a strange harmonious way, we’re all in this together. The sooner men and women over 60 accept who we are, the better. There is more than enough love to go around!
Martha recommends that older women take the time to write down what they are looking for in a partner. At the same time, she invites us to be realistic.
If “good looks” or “money” are at the top of your list, you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. There are so many other factors that are better predictors of relationship success.
Make Your Own Luck
When it comes to dating after divorce, it pays to be proactive. The best way to meet interesting men is to be an interesting person. What are your passions? Are there places where you could share your passions with others? Do you like to travel? Why not consider group tours? Do you sit silently on the bus? Maybe it’s time to reach out and talk to that person next to you?
Finally, don’t feel any pressure to jump back into the dating game until you are truly ready. Recovering from a divorce after 60 is a long and difficult process. Take the time that you need to heal. When you do feel like dating, try not to take it too seriously. The important thing is to have fun. If you find love along the way, so be it.
Are you dating after a divorce? What advice would you give to the other women in our community? Please join the conversation.