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If You Experience Dating Frustration, Give Yourself a High Five

By Michele Burghardt December 11, 2023 Dating

As you date, it’s not unusual to experience frustration from time to time. The men you meet may be disappointing, second dates may be scarce, or maybe you’re not even able to get to the starting line. Frustration comes in all shapes and sizes. If you let it, frustration can cause you to close your heart and stop believing in love.

Starts and Stops

Frustration sets in for me when there are starts and stops along the three-step introduction process I teach and use when I’m just getting to know a man. If it gets choppy because there are starts and stops to getting to a coffee date and doesn’t flow, I can almost feel whether we’ll actually meet each other and how successful that meetup will be. In fact, that’s what inspired this article.

I met a man online; after a few messages within the dating platform, I used my three-step formula to ask him if he would be interested in having a real convo on the phone. He said “Sure” and then never called. His excuse was a bit lame, but plausible so we tried it a second day. Again, he didn’t call. INSTEAD, he called me early in the morning on the third day.

My lie detector was beeping so I kept the call extremely short. When I told him I had expected his call the night before, his response was that he got home late and then went out for dinner. WHAT???? You text me to say you’ll call me when you get home from work, and then go out to dinner instead?????

Now I’m wondering if he’s married because he only communicates with me when he’s at work. Either way, his words and his actions weren’t consistent, and those are qualities I look for in a high-value man. Obviously, he was just a boy.

When Words Don’t Equal Actions

My frustration wasn’t because he didn’t call me. It was because he told me he would and he didn’t. I’m someone who keeps her word. If I tell you I’m going to do something, I do it. It’s not a high expectation, it’s simply human kindness and good manners.

When you’re meeting someone new, the introduction process and first date set the benchmark for your ongoing experience. If the introduction process doesn’t go well, and you accept bad behavior, you’ll see that same bad behavior repeated throughout your dating-ship. In my case, if I accepted his behavior, he would have continued to disregard my feelings and blow me off any time something better came along.

I started getting frustrated on day number two, and my frustration was in full bloom on day three after our conversation. Then I started laughing at myself because I had an ah-ha moment.

I’m a High-Value Woman

When I first started dating, I would have believed his silly excuses and played along with his games. He would have continued to treat me poorly, and I would have let him. But now, because I’ve done the inner work and increased my self-confidence, I’m a high-value woman who never settles for less than I deserve. I totally understand that if things don’t go well at the beginning, they’ll only go downhill from there. How a man treats me when we first meet tells me so much about him.

If you’re dating and getting frustrated because you’re having similar experiences, congratulate yourself. This means you’re putting yourself first and raising the bar. Dating is always more about you than the men you’re meeting.

To be a successful dater and create a happy, healthy, loving relationship with someone special, you truly need to keep your mindset and heartset strong. It helps you learn something positive from every less-than-positive experience you have.

Yes, Frustration Is, Well… Frustrating!

It’s okay to take a break from dating if you feel yourself getting cynical. There is such a thing as dating fatigue. And you want to take a break rather than get snarky with the men you’re meeting. That’s never a good look, and probably not who you truly are.

When you shift your energy, you’ll feel better about yourself and uplevel the men you attract into your world. Be sure to nurture yourself and surround yourself with positive people you love to keep your vibration level high. You only attract men who are at your vibration level or lower, it’s a universal law.

If you want more information about how to date with more confidence and clarity, check out my inside-out/outside-in coaching system. You’ll feel powerful on the inside, while knowing what to say and do on the outside. The magic happens where these two forces meet in the middle.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

What frustrates you the most about dating, and how do you deal with it? Do you consider yourself a high-value woman? What inner work have you done to get to this point?

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Dateless By Choice

Well, I have no frustration because I choose to no longer date. Why? I refuse to get into the modern adversarial job interview type of dating scene with all the BS, drama, and overall lack of respect or consideration for others. Not worth the time or aggravation. I don’t understand why there is so much pressure for women to keep dating anyway. What you hit your 60, most of the age appropriate men left are the dregs…and I’m just not desperate enough to embarrass myself by dating fellows much younger than myself. Leave that to Cher lol Best to learn to enjoy your own company and get a pet or hobbies.

Michele Burghardt

Thanks so much for your comment. I’m glad you’re where you want to be. I wish you the best of luch. xxoo Michele

LeeinNY

“Frustrating” is putting it mildly. To use the street vernacular, I’m finding that older men “got no game”. On dating sites, they put up very basic photos with poor lighting, no smiling, etc, almost as if they don’t even bother to look at the photo before posting. If you don’t bother to present yourself well, why would a woman be interested? Additionally, the last few men who contacted me and SEEMED interested kind of fizzled out. They stopped calling or just didn’t make much of an effort to get to know me. I haven’t given up, though. I won’t settle for being treated badly, for sure. But I’m lonely. I’ve been alone a long time and I’m really tired of it.

JLS

Another thing is ghosting. Sometimes I’ve had very good phone conversations, sometimes on Zoom, with a man who said he really enjoyed talking to me and he couldn’t wait to meet me….And then he disappears. I never hear from him again. It’s not a reflection on me because anyone who does that, well, that’s on him. It doesn’t hurt my confidence at all. But it is discouraging. I don’t know if men do this because there are so many women to choose from.?

Michele Burghardt

Hi JLS, There are so many reasons why men may ghost you. Check out my blog post to learn more. I’m so glad you don’t take it personally because you’re right, it’s all about them. xxoo Michele

Wendy

A man who ghosts you is a coward. He doesn’t have the maturity to let you down gently. His bad behavior at the beginning just told you all you need to know about him. Good riddance.

Michele Burghardt

Hi Wendy, there are so many reasons men may ghost women. Regardless, it’s simply such bad form. I’m so glad you dont waste time on low-quality men. Wishing you the best in love for 2024!

Michele Burghardt

Hi Lee, thanks for your response I totally understand that many men can be ‘lazy daters’ but you’re right, not all of them are like that. Dating at this stage of life is a marathon, not a sprint and you want to simply keep your heart open and stay active so you’ll be able to catch Cupid’s arrow when it comes your way. It sounds like you know who you’re looking for which is a good for step. If you want more help, feel free to check out my book, The Perfect Dating Guide for Women over 50. I think you’ll love it.

JLS

Sadly, there are a very small number of quality men available for over-60 women. Men’s shorter life spans, combined with the sad fact that many 60-70 year old men won’t look at a woman older than 40, further shrinks the number of “candidates.” Then you take into account the large number of men who are into polyamory – that leaves us with a tiny number of “dateable” men. That said, I do know 2 women, both older than age 65, who found serious love on dating sites. It happens, but it’s extremely rare. Michelle’s warning that if a man is unreliable or inconsiderate at the get-go, it won’t improve – that’s good info. But unfortunately, if we have standards, the number of real candidates is even smaller.

JLS

Also, meeting single men in real life – if you find any – it’s no better. Anywhere you go, it’s mostly women, often with their husbands. So the problem is not the dating sites – the problem is men. Not all men, I’m not talking about married men. But the men who are likely to be single at this age are often a certain type. And I’m a woman who met her late husband, many years ago, on a dating site! So yes, it works, sometimes. But not often. I’ve had bad experiences with men I’ve met in real life, too.

Michele Burghardt

Hi JLS

It sounds like you’ve had some bad experiences, and I’m sorry for that. Even with my crazy situations, I still meet so many nice men online. Yes some men like to date younger women, but that’s not the majority. The research I’ve seen supports the fact that mature men tend to date women who are approxiamtely three years younger then they are. And Zoosk reports that ‘relationships’ are the third most mentioned situation on dating profiles in dating profiles for men over 50.

If you’re looking for love, I hope you’ll consider looking for the positive and see if that changes what you find.

Thanks for your response and best of luck.

xxoo
Michele

JLS

Michelle, yes there are certainly nice men out there, I’ve met some – but nice isn’t enough to fall in love.

Stephanie Bryant

I don’t feel bad I’m in a Facebook group that has all ages of woman and the younger ones, 20’s-30’s are having a hard time. Lots of scammers and fake accounts and men who just want one thing. I am trying to meet someone organically, like I did with my ex-husband, a much different world out there now. All of the single groups I tried joining for activities, events out 99% women the one or two guys that are there look very desperate. Trying to live my life and I hope it happens. It would be sad if I didn’t have anybody for the rest of my life but I also I’m not picking a loser, just to have a boyfriend. My marriage was tough and abusive so my shell on the outside is much harder now. I won’t accept anything less than a decent guy who really cares, not sure that exists.

Last edited 2 months ago by Stephanie Bryant
Gerry

men who just want one thing

I can assure you that men over 60 are not looking for that “one thing” as much as you imagine!

It’s interesting that I have found all the same problems with women on dating sites as you women are reporting with men. Dating sites suck. Meeting people IRL (in real life) is still the gold standard.

As to why men prefer younger women, that has something to do with menopause and the increased receptivity of premenopausal females. It’s just biology, not some evil plot to harm older women.

Last edited 2 months ago by Gerry
Michele Burghardt

Hi Gerry

I agree that men over 60 are looking for companionship and love just like women are. I don’t think menopause has as much to do with why men date younger women as you may think. Most women who are 60 are through with menopause and have been for several years. I think it’s more about the fact that mature women have higher standards and don’t want to settle for a lazy dater.

Thanks so much for your response and best of luck.

Michele Burghardt, Dating Coach

JLS

I don’t think that meeting in real life is the gold standard. The only couples I know who met in real life – met over 20 years ago. The problem with meeting in real life is that your selection is limited, you are limited to whichever random person comes strolling by . Online dating isn’t easy but I can easily think of at least six couples who met online and are now happily married. And some of them were well past 50 years old when they met. It can work, but it takes a lot of time and patience

Michele Burghardt

Hi Stephanie

There is an universal law that states you only attract men into your life at your vibrational level or below. This means that if you want to attract a warm, caring man you’ll want to allow yourself to open and vulnerable as well. In these situations, like attract likes. You want to become the type of person you want to attract. Thanks for responding and I wish you all the best.

xxoo
Your Dating Coach, Michele Burghardt
http://www.DateGreatGuys.com

Ciara Roots

I’ve just about given up. I did the online dating thing for several years, met four guys in person. Nothing clicked, although I have remained friends with one of them. He doesn’t live in my city, so we just text and talk on the phone once in a while.

When I’m out and about, I don’t even see anyone that interests me. The number of older, single men is limited. If all I wanted was a man, and that was my only criteria, I could easily have that. But, like the writer of this article, I want a quality relationship, not just a “man.” I’ll be moving back to the area where I grew up, so I’m hoping that maybe I’ll meet someone once i get back into the community there. I won’t settle, though. I believe I have much to offer someone, and I should be with someone who is also about something. I’m not needy, and I’m not looking for an insecure man. I am quite self-sufficient–I don’t rely on anyone but myself financially. Is it that difficult to find someone who is emotionally mature, in good health, and financially secure? Someone who likes to volunteer and do good for the world? We’ll see what happens when I move.

Beth Rice

Agree with you… I use truthfinder and look them up by the phone number. Then I look up the house address in the tax roles. One guy described his house as cozy, I described it as a shack.

dawn

I don’t think it should be about what they got so much as what they do with it, you can take that anyway you want but that applys to many areas when it comes to men, but not all are perfect. Last man was a gentlemen good manners polite but no money, no house, and no future staring down retirement, will remain friends.

Michele Burghardt

Hi Dawn, if you take a minute to determine what your must-haves and deal breakers are you’ll save yourself some time and frustration by not dating non-applicable men in the first place. The more time you spend dating the wrong men, the less time you have to look for the right men – and knowing who you’re looking for makes it easier to find him.

Thanks for your response. Wishing you all the best on your journey to finding love.

xxoo
Your Dating Coach, Michele Burghardt
Date Great Guys

Michele Burghardt

Hi Beth

Try to keep an open mind. I think it’s great that you do your research but some homes truly are cozy LOL. Thanks for responding and best of luck!

Your Dating Coach
Michele Burghardt
Date Great Guys

Michele Burghardt

Hi Ciara, I’m rooting for you to have a better experience when you get moved and settled. I’m wondering though, if meeting only four men is a large enough sample to draw a conclusion about the success of online dating. I think it’s great that you are a strong, independent woman. When you do meet someone interesting, I encourage you to lean back, take a deep breath, and let him do a little bit more of the work so you can relax and have more fun.

Thanks for responding and best of luck.

Your dating coach, Michele Burghardt
Date Great Guys

The Author

Michele Burghardt is an author, speaker, and dating coach for women 50 and over with 20 + years of experience in the self-help area. She believes loving yourself is the first step to finding love. You can learn more about her transformational coaching style and her book at www.DateGreatGuys.com.

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