When the QR Code Becomes a Mirror: What a Fundraiser Taught Me About Ageism
Recently, I attended a fundraiser for a friend running for state senate. As part of the event, everyone was asked to scan a QR code to reach the donation page. Simple enough. I pulled out my phone but could not find the actual paper with the QR code on it. So, I asked a staffer where that was so I could take a picture.
A well-meaning 20-something staffer swooped in and guided me to the paper. “Do you need help with that?” she asked gently, as if I’d just pulled a flip phone out of my pocket. I smiled. The truth is, I’m probably more tech-savvy than she is – I run multiple online platforms and stream music programs for older adults. But in that small moment, I saw something bigger at play: the quiet, often unintentional assumptions we make about age and ability.
That’s ageism in its most ordinary form – not malicious, not overt, but ever-present. As Ashton Applewhite, author of This Chair Rocks, reminds us: “Ageism is the last acceptable prejudice.” It shows up in job interviews, in healthcare, in media, and yes – even in something as harmless as a QR code moment at a fundraiser.
But if we’re going to dismantle ageism, it can’t just be older adults doing the talking. We need younger people in the conversation too. Because the truth is, ageism hurts everyone – it robs younger generations of models for aging well, and it makes older adults feel invisible long before they actually are.
So how do we fix this?
1. Start with Empathy, Not Assumption
Younger people often assume older adults are fragile, confused, or out of touch. But they rarely pause to ask what someone actually needs. A simple, “Would you like a hand?” instead of “Do you need help?” can make all the difference. It shifts the dynamic from pity to partnership.
2. Reclaim Curiosity as a Superpower
Older adults, on the other hand, can push back against stereotypes by staying curious – not to prove something, but to keep growing. Learn the new app. Try the AI tool. Ask questions. The best way to fight the “tech-illiterate senior” myth is to live outside it.
3. Call Out Casual Ageism – Kindly
That staffer meant no harm, but I could’ve easily let the moment pass. Instead, I smiled and said, “Thanks, I’ve got it.” Moments like that are teachable for both sides. Humor and grace go a long way in shifting perceptions.
4. Build Intergenerational Bridges
Workplaces, neighborhoods, and even friend groups thrive when people of different ages collaborate. Older adults bring experience and pattern recognition; younger people bring fresh perspectives and energy. When those forces mix, innovation happens.
5. Watch Your Language
When we say things like “I’m having a senior moment” or “You look good for your age,” we reinforce the very bias we claim to reject. Age is not a flaw. It’s a data point. And it’s one we all share, if we’re lucky.
Back at that fundraiser, I found the QR code and made my donation and had a great conversation with that same staffer later on. She told me she wished her grandparents were “more like me” – engaged, confident, and online. I told her they probably are, just not in the ways she expects.
That’s the beauty of aging when we shed the stereotypes: it becomes less about decline and more about evolution.
And next time someone assumes you can’t handle a QR code?
Smile, tap “Done,” and show them what experience really looks like.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you had an “ageism moment” you’d like to share? How did you handle it?
Tags Getting Older
In 2016 worked for major bank. Attended a meeting about staff productivity.
Manager looked at me and questioned me in front of an entire division “are you confused?” I responded to her “yes I am”. I just recalculated your numbers for the previous quarter. They are incorrect because your formulas are wrong. She created an excel spreadsheet.
Completely incorrect. I then posed this question to her “ would you like me to correct the errors?” Division Manger responded to me THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
Very foolish to assume I was confused due to age.
There are just some moments that smack you in the face. The QR code was what prompted me to write this article.
A doctor said (of my frozen shoulder), “You should be able to get back to your hobbies–gardening or whatever.” My “gardening” is wielding a chain saw as I live in the middle of a forest and regularly cut back brush and dead trees. But I also laugh and say, “Hey, Boomer needs some help here,” with some tech things. Am I promoting ageism when I
do that? I’ll give that some thought.
Yes. This morning I played pickleball for two hours then went to my fourth kickboxing class of the week. I’m 68 BTW. Plus I was climbing trees stringing lights for Halloween.
I teach social media marketing in a variety of venues. People look at my gray hair and age (72) and underestimate me more times than not. Once they sit through my class, the always ask how I learned all of this about a platform that didn’t exist until I was out of the corporate workforce. My answer is usually…to communicate with people like you! (and my children and grands). And…..it’s mostly just good old marketing concepts.
Tell them they need to know that those who live a quality of life usually are curious and lifelong learners.
When my dog got sick and I had to take it to the vet my family member told me in a text: Now don’t be “scattered”! Really? The medical knowkedge I have saved my dogs life. I take scattered as being too chatty, providing details, and being very socially oriented. I make people feel valued when I meet someone, in this case I ask if they have pets. Common things in a conversation make people feel comfortable. I immediately know if someone is not socially receptive and stick to plain and simple. I have best friends who love me just as I am for over 50 years. I’m not perfect but some adjectives don’t fit, I think it made me feel like: Your old, you are boring, no one is interested.
Keep being your wonderful self! I am always delighted when I run into beautiful, engaging people like you!
Ironic. I received QR codes for my 65 th birthday discount from two different restaurants When I presented the QR codes to pay, both restaurant’s much younger staff did not know how to process/apply the discount. Our generation was on the forefront of the computer and AI revolution coming out of electric typewriters and word processors we know what we’re doing!
Goes along with not being able to do basic math without the tech help.