The Forgotten Art of Being Present

Not long ago I was out to dinner with friends. We had ordered and were waiting for our drinks when one of my friends immediately pulled out her phone and began scrolling.

When the food arrived, my friend set down her phone and picked up her utensils.

At first, I was caught off guard. We hadn’t seen each other in a month, and I had been looking forward to catching up.

“Sorry about that,” she said between bites. “I had over 200 work emails, and I wouldn’t have been able to relax until I got through at least some of them.”

While I was waiting for her to disengage from work and join in with the conversation, I noticed that I was also fighting the urge to check my own phone.

That moment stayed with me. It made me realize how much technology has changed the way we live and how rarely we allow ourselves the simple act of being present.

The Sheer Speed of Communication

When I first started working, we typed letters and mailed them, often waiting weeks for a response. Now we fire off a text or email and find ourselves staring at the screen, waiting for a reply. Everything moves so much faster than it did even a few decades ago.

But there’s a downside to that kind of speed as we are always connected. Work, family, and the outside world are always within arm’s reach.

Studies suggest that we check our phones nearly 100 times a day and for many in business, it can be far more. What began as a tool for convenience has quietly become an obsession.

I can remember when even having a home phone was a luxury. Contact with the outside world was daily and for the most part, enjoyable. Any news you receive comes from TV, newspapers and the radio. You would actively need to tune in to get updated on events.

Now, we live with the steady infusion of local, national and international news in real time. The majority of which is negative and can lead to anxiety, emotional fatigue and fear.

Falling Victim to the Computer in Our Pocket

I have good friends I haven’t spoken to in years. We exchange texts, admire photos and have discussions without picking up the phone.

Even when we are together, I feel that often we are not fully present. Phones come out to share a picture or look something up, and before long, we are responding to emails or checking messages.

We can hardly get through a discussion without someone reaching for their cell to look something up or fact-check, turning what should be an easy exchange into something that feels more like deposition testimony than a chat.

Have you noticed how difficult it has become to go even a few minutes without looking at your phone? Many of us don’t even bother to tuck it away in our handbags or pockets.

Unless you are a trauma surgeon or a stockbroker, it is unlikely that you need to be constantly connected and yet, leaving home without creates a feeling of disconnection or FOMO (fear of missing out).

The effects of constant cell phone use are not just emotional but can be physical as well: eye strain, neck pain, reduced attention span, and the subtle but powerful pull of the need for constant stimulation.

For older adults, there is an added concern. While we may feel more connected, we may actually be engaging less. The illusion of connection can sometimes replace real interaction, contributing to loneliness and isolation.

So, What Can We Do?

Give Yourself a Phone Curfew

Phone use at night can cause insomnia and the blue light can disrupt circadian rhythms.

Don’t Text and Drive

Put your phone away while driving unless you use a navigational app. Even having the phone in the holder and a text message coming up can be dangerous as you glance at it. Also, resist the urge to scroll at traffic lights and in congested areas.

Never Walk and Scroll

Older people have less flexibility and stepping on an uneven surface or into a hole can lead to an injury.

Do Not Sleep with the Phone Next to You

It makes it too accessible if you are having problems sleeping. An old-fashioned alarm clock should be used instead.

Resist Scrolling During Down Time

Don’t reach for your phones when you are waiting in line, in an elevator or at a crossing. Look around and engage with your surroundings.

Cellphones can make an amazing contribution to the quality of our lives when used correctly. Unfortunately, they are extremely addictive, and we often lose minutes and sometimes hours doomscrolling when that precious time could be used to connect with the outside world.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How addicted are you to your phone? Have you changed the way you use your phone and how did it make your life better?