Is a Platonic Relationship After 60 Really So Bad? Maybe Not
Do you know an older couple whose relationship still has the romantic spark it did when they were younger? They hold hands, cuddle and coo and even kiss each other passionately in public.
Then there are those over the age of 60 whose coupling has evolved into a more platonic relationship. They still like each other, but may sleep in separate bedrooms or even live apart.
It’s easy to be jealous of the gray-haired lovebirds but is a platonic relationship really a bad thing?
The dictionary defines the word platonic as a relationship marked by the absence of romance or sex. There are various reasons that a once fiery romance gets squelched. Contributing factors may include a physical condition caused by disease, erectile dysfunction or simply a consensual lack of desire.
As we age, our bodies change both physically and emotionally. After menopause, many women lose their desire for sex but, in some cases, it’s the male who has the issue. Even though the romantic part of the relationship has faded, a platonic relationship or cohabitation can be beneficial to both parties.
Platonic Relationships May Reduce Financial Stress
If you don’t have a sufficient nest egg or a steady stream of retirement income and your partner can provide financial help, being in a relationship relieves a tremendous amount of stress. Your relationship becomes one of convenience. Stress kills Baby Boomers and seniors every day.
Financial stress is particularly frustrating because it’s harder to find a job as you get older. When the financial burden is lifted, even temporarily, it gives you time to save up for the future or start your own business.
You Feel Safer in a Platonic Relationship
When you’re living alone anything can happen, especially after 60. You could trip, faint or even have a heart attack. It’s safer to have someone around in case of an emergency or to simply help you change a lightbulb.
You Have a Companion for Outings
Going to events, eating at restaurants or traveling is often awkward when you’re alone. That’s not to say there’s anything bad about going solo. I love being on my own and enjoy having space to myself. But in certain situations, going solo may not be as enjoyable and it’s always nice to be able to share your experiences with someone else.
No Dealing with Dating Sites
For some women, dating is exciting, but for others it’s petrifying. Leaving a comfortable platonic relationship for a romantic one is a crap shoot. You don’t know how it’s going to turn out and it may not work. It all depends on how important the idea of romance is as opposed to being in a relationship that offers friendship and security.
On the other hand, a platonic relationship can be based on the understanding that you have the freedom to seek out a more fulfilling relationship if it happens to come along. This may seem flippant to a traditionalist, but as someone whose husband died at the age of 49, anything can happen in life and you must be prepared to adapt, especially if you’re a woman.
Potential Drawbacks of a Platonic Relationship
Everyone deserves to have love and affection. A platonic relationship may feel like a cop-out because it hinders you from experiencing deep and passionate love. Concerned relatives and friends may feel you deserve more and give you push-back. They’ll ask why you’re selling yourself short. It’s something to ponder.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Is a romantic relationship important to you, or is a friendly platonic relationship all you need? What benefits and drawbacks would you add to the list? Please join the conversation.
Tags Marriage After 60
How refreshing and comforting it was to read this. This subject is rarely spoken about, like its an embrassment or a relationship failure, whereas in fact the relationship is nobody else’s business except the couple themselves.
I met my partner later in life ten years ago, and its been a struggle at times. Im older than him and we’ve done some travelling and various house moves and the personal side of our relationship drifted away fairly quickly. Currently we live together for companionship, and for many other reasons, especially less financial pressure on me. I help him out in his life in various ways. He is basically a good man, but a bit ‘different’ & I try to deal with that on a daily basis, as the thought of the alternative frightens me. Im safe here, live comfortably, have my own tidy bedroom and don’t have to deal with his snoring, his reading his phone late into the night etc, so I can have the best chance of getting better sleep.
I think this article made me realise that I cant compare myself to others that appear to have their relationship altogether..
I need to accept my situation and be grateful for it. I have my independence and im not searching anymore to find the “right” one for me as he is as right as its going to get
I haven’t slept with my spouse in years.
my spouse has been cruel at times. not physically, but very emotionally distant and abusive. I am convinced he is a narcissist. the last incident was the last straw. something changed in me when I finally realized he didn’t love me, and never did. no one with any shred of empathy or compassion could have treated me the way he did.
however, because of age, lack of family, the deaths of loved ones, and other factors, I made a conscious decision to stay with him. I explained to him , tho, that I could not love him the way I used to after the way he treated me, and we would simply be roommates with obligations.
we live together, but there is no intimacy, physical or emotional. we talk about neighbors, chores, the news, etc. we never talk about us. I have a few women friends. he has no friends. we do go out together, but we don’t talk.
it’s a lonely life. sad. but a choice I made. I strive only for compatible companionship. and despite everything, I realize that if anything happened to him, I would really be alone. totally all alone.
so we are roommates. it”s not all bad. it’s all in your expectations, and when you finally give up expecting anything, you are not disappointed.
there is someone to call 911, should you need it.
someone in the house with you at night.
someone to use the other theater ticket you bought; to go places with you.
it’s easier financially. and nice when he cooks for a change.
so it’s ok, if you don’t expect too much.
I was in a very similar situation for many years. Sometimes it’s hard to leave, particularly financially. He died of cancer and I believe it was because he was a heavy drinker. I took care of him and I think he appreciated it. It was nice to have someone to travel with and go to events. We had a lot in common when he was sober. I wish I could have known what type of pain he was experiencing to turn to booze, but I will never know.
It worked out. I am now in a nice situation living with 2 friends my age. We are like Golden Girls. It’s perfect.
Me too. I don’t think it’s uncommon to live this way in our elder years. It’s not fulfilling in any way but it makes sense for some of us.
Wow, I could have written the same letter, Jan. But when I drew the same line you did, my husband asked for a divorce (after 40 yrs). I am moving out and moving on. I wish you luck. I don’t think there is any “right” way of aging with or without a partner.
My partner is not romantic, he doesn’t agree with buying flowers, nor does he want me paying less than 50% of the bills, even though he earns three times more than me
Ive been with my partner for 17 years, its mostly been a relationship of financial convenience. We stopped having sex around two years after we got together, mostly through his hangups. For many years, I felt like I short changed myself and I felt angry and resentful about the situation and toward him.
We both had lots of counselling, although it didnt change the situation it made it easier for me to understand things and be alright staying in the relationship for reasons other than sex.
Ive learned a lot about myself along with my own short comings and limitations in a relationship and what I can and cant do and who I can and can’t be.
I can understand where you are coming from, Annette. I was in a similar situation. You learn to appreciate the good things and work toward your own happiness.