Long-Distance Friendship after Retirement: Staying Close Across the Miles

A crazy, somewhat sad thing began to happen as my friends reached their post-parenting, pre-retirement years. Many began to build or buy second homes in fun locations with the idea that they’d retire in a destination where adult children and grandchildren would love to visit.

Over the years, my friends spent more and more time in these faraway retreats, meaning that our monthly book club meetings and girls’ night out events became less frequent and with fewer and fewer in attendance. It broke my heart a little, missing these wonderful women who had been such a big part of my life.

As a writer with a flexible schedule and fully charged laptop, I’ve often joked that I could toggle between these beautiful retirement locations while working on my long-dreamt-about debut novel. Surely those seaside views and mountain top vistas would inspire a compelling book about a midlife woman pursuing love, adventure and wild wealth in guest rooms across the country.

While my gal pals are more than willing to pay host to my wanderlust, a year away from home is not in the cards at this time, so the answer to keeping these important bonds intact despite miles and time zones is to get creative.

Here are a few ways I’ve discovered to keep faraway friends close:

Ditch Old Paradigms

Start by abandoning the old premise that those who move away are responsible for keeping in touch. That’s an outdated idea that places an enormous burden on someone who is already setting up and getting acclimated to a new life. Just as the joys, memories, and love of friendship are shared, so is the responsibility for keeping in touch.

Use Technology for Something Good

At the very least, set up a text group that includes close friends and commit to using it in a way that is comfortable for you. My best friend of 40+ years and I have lived apart most of our adult lives, still we are as close as when we shared a dorm room in college. We keep our connection fun by exchanging weird and funny memes and gifs that keep us laughing across the miles.

Of all the social media platforms, Facebook is still the preferred platform for women over 60. It’s also the easiest for setting up a private group of close friends where the feed is free of ads and junk posts. A Facebook group is a terrific way to post family updates, plan a trip together, or send birthday greetings. The group administrator controls who’s allowed in, so there’s a degree of privacy. Check out YouTube for set-up instructions.

Schedule regular Zoom calls where you and your group can spend dedicated time catching up and connecting. My friends in a long-distance book club make this a monthly event where they share a book-themed cocktail (or two) while discussing plot and character development.

And don’t forget to make use of the phone, only consider trying a video call. There’s something really special about being able to see your friends in their new or old habitat.

Drop a Note

Remember letters and postcards and how exciting it was to receive one from a faraway friend. Sending a quick note or funny card is a great way to connect with friends, especially when you are navigating multiple time zones. And don’t wait to wrap all of your communication into a holiday letter (AKA brag letter.)

Pack Your Bags and Create New Memories

There’s one big advantage of having friends who live in beautiful places – the opportunity to plan an adventure. My friend group includes homes in Florida, Texas, Colorado, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and North Carolina. We’ve established a tradition of rotating homes, which is a great way to share in our old friends’ new lives.

And when life intervenes and friends aren’t up to hosting, consider picking a new destination that everyone can enjoy. Sites like midlifeglobetrotter.com help with planning fabulous excursions tailored to the interests of women in the later years. Glamping in Yellowstone, scouring flea markets in Paris, and visiting the floating villages of Cambodia provide exciting opportunities to experience new places, bond with old friends, and let someone else handle all the logistics.

Friendships don’t have to fade with distance. Staying connected with friends who have moved away keeps your social circle vibrant and your spirits high, no matter the distance.

Let’s Talk About It:

Have you counted the number of friends who downsized and moved away? What is your favorite way to stay in touch with faraway friends?