Memoir Made Easy: Everyone Has a Story
As Flannery O’Connor famously quipped, anyone who has survived childhood has enough material to write for the rest of her life. That’s good for us because memoir writing is one of the most popular pursuits in retirement, but also daunting for many people. What to say, and how to say it can be stumbling blocks.
How to Start
Marian Roach-Smith, in her latest book, The Memoir Project, believes memoir writing has three basic truths.
The First Is, Tell the Truth
Tell your story as you lived it with all the hilarity, pain, delirious enthusiasm, or regret you actually felt. After all, it’s your story and it’s emotion, the feelings you convey, that pull us into the narrative and engage our attention. Tell us what occurred, but also what happened to you through the event.
Move the Story Along
Next, everything you include should drive your story forward, that is, the one story you’re recounting. A memoir isn’t the same as an autobiography. It’s an informative piece that recounts a specific aspect of life so keep it simple. Go for an event that teaches the reader something, or provides greater insight into you, which hopefully, will also have some useful takeaway for the reader.
After all, how your life was changed or improved through your experience should help us as well. Or, as Roach-Smith advises, “teach us something about all human behavior, that sheds light on our fears, dilemmas, happiness, or wide-eyed wonder.”
Pick Your Topic Carefully
Finally, she advises is to remember that just because something happened doesn’t mean it’s interesting. Best to pick a universal theme and go with that and delete anything that doesn’t support the theme. Be strict and stick to your point.
Who, What, Why?
The Institute on Aging also offers some recommendations for memoirists.
Note Your Audience
First, determine who you’re writing for. Most people want to leave memories for family and friends as a way to pass along wisdom and life experience. Writing about your life has the benefit of revealing aspects of yourself that your family may be unfamiliar with and shows grandmother as a real person with her own hopes and dreams.
Decide What You Want to Include
Writing about your authentic experiences can leave a wonderful and valued family treasure for generations. The lessons learned and wisdom gleaned can be a comfort and a guide, as well as a source of inspiration, and maybe a few good belly laughs connecting family through time.
Personally, I hold dear the stories of my Irish immigrant relatives, especially Eliza. At 17, as the oldest child of a large family she was tasked with the shopping for her seven siblings and parents. When she learned her parents were in serious discussion with a widower with several children of his own, and that he was an old man in his 40s, she got busy. She kept delaying the marriage until she had scrimped and saved enough from the shopping money to pay her passage to America. And off she sailed, alone and nearly penniless, to an unknown country! I’ve remembered her pluck and courage many times when things looked tough.
Maybe your family has a unique character, a special tradition, or history, you’d like to share so they’re not forgotten. Writing them down and including anecdotes about these relatives and times will preserve them. Adding pictures can make the stories even more engaging. Perhaps there are old friends or far-flung relatives who also played a part in the stories. It could be fun to reconnect with them and add their memories.
Outside Assistance
What to include, and how to say it can be streamlined by enlisting outside expertise. A writing coach can cut right through the overwhelm and help edit out the unnecessary parts while keeping the narrative moving so your intention is realized in a clear and meaningful way. More importantly, a skilled professional can tease out your authentic voice, so the piece carries the best of you to those you love!
Thea Fiore Bloom, a writing coach with decades of experience helping novices and professionals alike craft their unique stories, has this to say about writing a memoir:
“You want your memoir to be deliciously readable, right? You don’t want people to pick through it out of obligation. But how can you accomplish that? Narrow the focus. Don’t go from your birth to the present moment. Don’t write about the whole cake; instead, select a slice of the story.”
Roach-Smith suggests a slice of a slice is even better. And she’s right. Pick one poignant episode out of the arc of stories you were considering. Pick a story that excites you and that you feel affirms a life teaching your reader may relate to.
A good example of what I’m talking about is my story of Eliza above. It’s a slice of a slice. The story is important to me, but it will also encourage readers to have courage and take chances in their own lives.
A final word is that memoir stories are typically rather brief, somewhere around 750 words, which makes the task less formidable. Who knows, you may just enjoy the process enough to write several shorter pieces, which you can then string together into a book and voila, you’re an author!
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you have an interesting ancestor or family you’d like to write about? Please share your experiences, we’d love to hear about them.
Tags Writing
In 2023 I was gifted with “Storyworth”. For a year, I was prompted with questions weekly to which I did my best to write a story to respond to the prompt. Over the past month, I dug through old photos and included some to support my writing. Earlier this week I submitted my completed “manuscript” and will receive a hardcover book in a few weeks. Looking back, I’m so glad I was presented with this gift as I will have something in writing to enjoy and to leave to my descendants. I admit I’m not much of a writer nor have ever had the desire to write a book (a college professor said that everyone does – ha ha!), so I found this to be challenging at times but am pleased with the final product.
Congratulations, Joan! A book is a wonderful and thoughtful legacy to leave family members. Thanks for sharing your method of writing through ‘Storyworth’. I’m unfamiliar with it but it sounds like a great idea and gift.
I’ve written on all my relatives. Some are full of humor, some to the point. And, I always include how they made a difference in my life, if they did.
A few years ago, my granddaughter’s school did an Oral History. My granddaughter interviewed me. It was adorable!
Great idea Janel, and probably fun for your relatives if they read what you wrote. I’ve thought about writing stories about some of my relatives and compiling them into a book. Someday perhaps.
I do encourage each and all to write their story (for your family or to publish. And, if you want to publish (and I’m close to the end of writing my memoir), it’s much more complicated than is often explained. I don’t want to discourage you. I just want to help you to understand (especially if you’re not already a strong writer), there is so much to learn.
First, I would encourage you to read/take classes/ explore resources – basically educate yourself on writing for your genre. Even within memoir, their are sub-types and certain requirements to meet.
Second, with memoir, it’s critical to learn how to write effective scenes (scenes are core to each chapter). I’ve found Martha Alderson’s books, ex. Writing Deep Scenes and Plot Whisperer, very valuable on that point.
Third, Unless your famous, a celeb of some type, or independently wealthy, you may want/need to self-publish. Even that is not cheap. Once you finish writing, you need to have your book edited: developmental edits, copyediting, etc. — think thousands. You need your manuscript set up, and published writers will tell you, it’s critical to have a professional book cover design (book cover design is a vital link to sales). Fourth, you can self-publish via Amazon, and other places but it too is not as easy as you will be told. Finally, I’m sorry to say, very few authors make large sums from their book sales.
If you, like me are clear about the challenges and costs, and still want to go forward, blessings on your work.
I also want to say I’ve found many published writers (especially women writers) who are quite generous and willing to support your journey. Find the professional organizations that support your book type (memoir of course is non-fiction). There is a Non-Fiction Writers organizational with annual conferences.
I plan to publish in 2025. Stay with it! Best of luck!
p.s. Published Memoirs are 240-520 pages; 60,000-100,000 words … Many are closer to 300 pages, 60-70,000 words.
I am the author of four published memoirs. Note that memoirs, unlike autobiographies, are stories about certain true aspects of one’s life. They are not your life story.
Audrey has provided some bang-on insights, and I echo her sentiments. If you plan to write a memoir for family members only, you need not worry about page count, editing, and book cover; your clan will want to read your story. But if you are a perfectionist, you will do all those things.
Publishing a memoir for public consumption is another matter. Audrey’s points about educating yourself on writing for that genre, having the manuscript edited professionally, and having a great cover are all important. For my most recent memoir, College Life of a Retired Senior, I returned to school and earned an English degree, not because I had to, but because I wanted to write a first-class story. Of course, that was a tad extreme, but I had other reasons to do so. So, if you want to publish your story, do not be discouraged; take your time, learn the ropes, and write your best darn book.
Thank you Yvonne Blackwood, I will look for your memoirs! Wow 4 memoirs!
Thank you, Audrey. Do enjoy it.
Impressive! Four memoirs published, and a college curriculum to back up your efforts is remarkable and something to be proud of. Thanks for sharing Yvonne. You and Audrey have both contributed helpful guidance and real life insights to this piece. Thank you!
Thanks, Barbara. Perseverance is a wonderful thing!
Thanks for your input, Audrey. There’s nothing like actual hands on experience to guide newbies!