When Grief Feels Silly: Mourning Someone You Never Knew
The news of Charlie Kirk’s tragic death hit me in an unexpected way. I was in shock and disbelief.
I didn’t know him. Not really. We never met, never shared a conversation, and yet I felt a wave of sadness I couldn’t quite explain.
It almost feels embarrassing to admit. I shared this feeling with a friend, who was feeling the exact same way.
It made me pause and reflect.
Why grieve someone who was never part of my life?
But the more I sat with it watching the world continue to live, the more I realized – this says something about the way we’re built as humans.
The Social Media Connection
Even without knowing Charlie Kirk personally, I knew of him. Through posts, interviews, and endless scrolling, his face and voice became familiar. Social media has this funny way of weaving strangers into the fabric of our daily lives. You watch, you listen, and before you know it, there’s a thread of connection.
It’s not friendship. It’s not family.
But it’s something.
Why It Lingers
Sometimes I wonder: am I grieving him, or am I grieving the story I saw on the news? Am I simply mirroring what I picked up from others?
Or is it more about the reminder that life is fragile – that one day someone is here, and the next they’re not?
Grief doesn’t always make sense. It doesn’t ask if you were close enough, or if you’re “allowed” to feel it.
It just shows up when something in us resonates with the loss.
Wired for Connection
Humans are wired to connect. From the very beginning, survival meant being part of a tribe. That instinct hasn’t left us. Even today, our brains light up when we see familiar faces, hear familiar voices, or follow someone’s story.
So, when someone we’ve “known” through a screen disappears, it’s no wonder it stirs something inside us.
Familiarity feels like connection, and connection makes loss sting, even if it’s only one-sided. And maybe it also hits harder because our lives today are more scattered.
Families don’t always live close. Neighborhoods aren’t as tight-knit as they used to be.
So, when a public figure dies, it feels like a shared moment – a rare time when strangers all feel the same thing together.
Sometimes, though, I think it’s not just about the person who passed.
It’s about what they represented – a certain season of life, a perspective, or just the reminder that none of us are here forever.
Their absence pushes us to look at our own lives a little closer.
The Quiet Lesson
In the end, maybe the sadness isn’t silly at all.
Maybe it’s just proof that connection – any kind, big or small, near or far – matters. It’s a reminder that we’re part of a bigger human story, always overlapping with others.
And instead of brushing the feeling away, maybe I can let it nudge me to do the obvious but easy-to-forget thing: reach out to the people I do know and love.
Because connection is what keeps us steady, and it shouldn’t take a tragedy to remind us how much we need it.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you grieved the death of a person you never met or knew personally? Have you reflected on why that happens? Please share your thoughts and let’s have a conversation.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and writing this article. May God bless Charlie Kirk’s family. RIP Charlie Kirk 🙏
I felt grief when Jimmy Buffett died, a man who loved life & gave us songs celebrated joy, helped us laugh at ourselves. Both things sorely lacking today. His loss was our loss. 💙
I leave you with the lyrics of one of his last songs “Bubbles Up”
When your compass is spinnin’
And you’re lost on the way
Like a leaf in the wind, friend
Hear me when I say
Bubbles up
They will point you towards home
No matter how deep or how far you roam
They will show you the surface, the plot and the purpose
So, when the journey gets long
Just know that you are loved
There is light up above
And the joy is always enough
Bubbles up RIP jimmy
Yes, Im sure its the human connection & sense of knowing just how devastating that would be if that would hit home to our own family. So we grieve out of knowing just how devastating that is for the Kirk family & friends . And we all are in shock about how that just happened during broad daylight amongest many people and to such a popular person.
Thank you,it helps to rationalize and gather your thoughts about a tragedy to help yourself get some kind of closure .
I worked at the South Bank in London at the time of Princess Diana’s death and could not understand the outpouring of grief from people who didn’t know her (my colleagues were the same). What I remember vividly about that time is the terrible headaches we all suffered from the scent of the burgeoning carpet of flowers being laid every day. The breeze was carrying the heavy perfume of the flowers along the Thames and you could not escape it.
I was in Scotland when Queen Elizabeth II died and in Edinburgh when her body was lying in state in the cathedral. There was a huge feeling of solemnity in the air and people were going about the streets quietly. Sadly I could not pay my respects at the cathedral as I had a very early morning flight to Switzerland the following day. Instead, we walked part of the route her coffin was going to take to the airport.
I sincerely hope you felt the same grief when all the school children were shot. Not to mention the couple in Minnesota and so many others! Charlie Kirk was a mean, unloving person who spoke ill of blacks, Jews, women and gay people. Not to mention trans people! He was horrific!
Grief is everywhere these days, isn’t it? The tragic death of any person is just that: tragic. Until everyone understands that human life is equally valuable, and should be equally mourned, there will be no change in this world.
Agree, Georgia. The racism and misogyny were stunning. And the hypocrisy of radical pro-gun activism, while “thoughts and prayers” but being strongly against changes in laws after hundreds of children have been murdered because of THEIR gun fetishes. Yes, all murder is horrible. Not just this one.
I doubt you have listened to any of the videos of Charlie Kirk? Your reply is an example of a closed mind attacking instead of opening up to other ideas. The entire government of the United States disagrees with your nasty opinion of Charlie, as do the thousands of young people who love what he had to say about loving God and loving our fellow humans.