Mothers: Does the Apple Fall Far from the Tree?

Have you been told “you are your mother’s daughter” or at least heard that said to someone else? Or perhaps you look like your mother in some ways? In this month of Mother’s Day, I thought it would be interesting to look at the research and reflect on our own situations.

My mother is a twin, one of her sisters had twins, and my husband is a twin with several twin cousins. We thought we might end up having twins, but we didn’t and neither did any of our adult children. When I was in grade school, we participated in a Twin Study. I never found out much about those results but the research on the topic of growing up to be very much like our parents also included some twin studies. And one conclusion the research confirmed (even for non-twins) is that genetics does play more of a role than most people realize.

We Are a Mix of Inherited Traits

We inherit predispositions toward traits like being introverted or extroverted, how we handle anxiety, or impulsiveness tendencies for example. My mother likely inherited her approach to life from her mother, who was an eternal optimist, at least from my perspective as a granddaughter. Mom’s belief was that every day there are miracles that go on around us and our job is to notice them and be grateful. I didn’t remember that all the time but it sure influenced my adult mindset that every day is an adventure and a gift!

Learning by Observation

Another finding in the research is that as children we tend to learn more by observation of actions than direct instruction. When I meet with women individually or in group settings, I always try to remind them that their financial personality was very much influenced by their childhood. We absorbed the unspoken messages around us which influences our adult financial behavior. A colleague wrote a great book about how to deal with that as a couple to move forward financially in more harmony. Check it out: A Couples Money Guide by Prudence Zhu.

Everything Happens for a Reason

My mother would often say that everything happens for a reason. Even when she wasn’t talking to me, I observed her “finding the silver lining” approach to negative things that would happen. Subconsciously, I often hear that phrase in my head today, and I know for sure that I have shared that same phrase with our adult children and even grandchildren. Having seen that in action, now it comes naturally to me without thinking too hard about it.

My Mother’s Daughter

And the other research conclusion that I found interesting is that we become more like our parents as we age. The research suggests that’s because our perspectives and values change as we get older. Like my mother said often, “too soon old and too late smart!” I am my mother’s daughter for sure.

How about you? What was your mother’s influence on you? It’s not always positive since none of us are perfect, but it does help to reflect on it for better understanding of yourself. Be gentle and forgive yourself was my mother’s advice after I started having children. Acknowledging who we are, as imperfect as that is, and accepting how we became who we are is really just confirming the facts. No judgement or blame or credit, just recognizing our evolution.

The Awe Walk Challenge

Several years ago, I wrote a blog about embracing a Gawk Walk as a healthy way to gain a better mindset. Today, in honor of my mother, the miracle seeker, I have a new challenge for all of us. How about an Awe Walk? Think of it like a forced pause – you take time out to go for a walk. And on that walk, you let your mind find all the abundant gifts around you. Natural miracles are everywhere we look. Perhaps it is the blue sky, lush grass, majestic trees, colorful flowers, singing birds, or anything else that captures your attention.

Let your senses lead your mind. Maybe your ears will be smiling because you hear birds chirping, children laughing, or wind blowing through the trees. Or your eyes will light up as you can almost feel the colors of nature all around you. Or maybe you will smell the fresh air, fragrant blooms, or ocean winds. Let nature lead you into a state of awe, glad to be alive as you breathe deeply and take it all in.

Thanks, Mom!

Let’s Talk:

No one is perfect but what is one trait or message you carry with you today from your mother? What examples have you seen that confirm the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree? Let’s have a discussion.