5-Day Dating Rule: How to Speed Up Online Dating and Get Real Dates
Ever heard of the 5-Day Momentum Rule? It’s a very powerful concept.
As a dating coach/counselor with over 25 years of dating experience, I know this for a fact! This rule has gained even more importance in the past five years as our attention spans have shortened due to social media, TikTok, texting, etc.
Very often, a guy is interested one day – gone the next! So, you need to use your 5-day super powers with online dating.
How to Apply the 5-Day Rule?
I speak with my clients weekly, helping them navigate online dating and this is key to actually meeting someone in person – because you are not looking for text buddies, right?
The 5-Day Online Dating Momentum Rule gives you 5 days from first contact to first date to meet in person. If you don’t, the odds of meeting him… ever… drop dramatically to less than 20%. (UCLA study, 2021)
Day 1: Message Volley
When you’re interested in someone, send him a message. If you receive a message, respond immediately. No game playing with online dating. If you remember The Rules or other dating books from the 1990’s to 2010’s, toss them. They don’t apply any longer.
If you hear from the person, that’s great news!
Day 2: Share More Info
Now, share a bit more information – perhaps why you moved to Chicago (or some other place), what you love about two of your interests, upcoming travel plans, etc. The tidbits you share must not be written about in your profile or exist in a questionnaire form on the dating site/app.
This speeds up the process of getting to know each other without writing a novella!
TIP: Do not write about your ex or children!
Day 3: Virtual Call
Time to schedule the 5–10-minute virtual call. You can use whatever app suits or use the video link provided by the dating app.
Why 5-10 minutes? You need to set boundaries. You are not looking for a video/phone buddy, you want to see what the person on the other side looks like; to see their smile, hear their voice.
TIP: Please make sure you’ve made the intention of this call very clear. Here is a good message to establish this with a potential date: “Wow, it’s been fun texting. How about we take this to a 5–10-minute video call to see if we want to meet in real life? I could do tonight at 8:30 pm or tomorrow around 4 or 5pm. How’s this work with your schedule?”
What Did You Establish with This Message?
- Self-Confidence! And yes, this is sexy!
- Boundaries: the call will last 5-10 minutes (plenty of time to know if you are interested, and if you’re not, you’re off the hook in under 10 minutes).
- The call has a clear purpose: to see if you want to meet in person.
- You have given specific times for the call – after all, you are busy, right? Not just waiting around for someone to ask you out!
- Your potential date now knows the intent of the video call and may respond with a few other times that work with him – totally fine and reasonable!
Remember, you are at the make/break time with this person.
Day 4: After the Call
From this point onward, a couple scenarios can ensue:
The Video Call Is a Bust
Well, you didn’t waste time meeting them in real life! Easy end to this call call: “Thanks for chatting and I wish you the best.” Then delete them from your app/site.
They Are Indecisive About the Call
Not a good sign! Hey, we are paying money to do online dating, and they can’t find 5-10 minutes for a video chat? You’re a smart person – there’s clearly an issue here, and we don’t care what it is – terminate this person on your account.
They Say They’d Like to Continue Texting/Messaging
Haven’t you exchanged the basic info and established a bit of a friendly rapport in the first 3 days? Be self-confident about yourself and terminate this potential date. Why? Because it’s never going to happen – time to move on. (How do I know? Well, 25 years have taught me a bit!)
TIP: Of course, you shouldn’t be rude. It’s a good practice to text them back politely before you terminate, by saying something like, “Oh, thanks anyway – I’m ready to meet via FT and I wish you the best.” Hit send. Terminate contact.
Day 5: Yay!
Finally, if the video call goes great, and you schedule a date for lunch, drinks, coffee… YAY! You made it!
Why do I work as a dating coach? I like to help singles. I get genuinely excited when you like someone! 5 engagements in the last 3 weeks of dating coaching… That’s why I do what I do!
So, follow the 5-Day Dating Rule and you should see the results pretty quickly!
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What is your usual online dating ritual? Do you follow any rules? How have they worked for you so far? Do you think the 5-Day Rule can help you establish a practical routine with dating apps?
Tags Senior Dating Advice
Great advice! My problem is getting a man to message me back. No this is not for sissy’s but how much can one ego take.
Dont sweat the small stuff girl. Keep tryin. When we were young the fellas were in our shoes now it our turn.
Google searches really provide a wealth of information. This helps tremendously!
When I was online dating for about a year (summer 2020-2021), things were a little difficult, due to COVID, and it was more challenging to actually meet in person. Therefore, particularly at the beginning, I did message/text, and talk on the phone more. I also realized many men in the age range I was seeking (late 50’s-mid 60’s), weren’t very tech savvy and not comfortable with video calls.
After the first real conversation turning out to be a scammer, I became much more accomplished, and did develop a strategy.
By the time I met the wonderful man who is now my husband, I was using Been Verified, a background check site, every time we got into several days of communication to check that what he was telling me was accurate.
Online dating is not for sissies, but it was sure worth it for me!
Lee Ann—-You made my day! You’re right—Online dating isn’t for sissies but it seems you put together a good strategy and persevered—that’s where most people lose—they give up after 2 weeks. Way to go and Congrats on your marriage! Warmly, Andrea
I also used a verify site called truth Finder… I also found that a lot of men were not up to me with technology. I had difficulty communicating with android users because I was used to an iPhone… I also looked up their residence on the local tax collector site. The one man that I looked up described his house as cozy. It was an eyesore in a questionable part of town. I definitely preferred knowing that rather than going out with him and finding out later, I am currently dating described his house as cozy. It was a eyesore in a questionable part of town. He listed the community as 1 over instead of the actual town. I definitely preferred knowing that rather than going out with him and finding out later, I am currently dating a wonderful man who lives in my neighborhood… Online dating isn’t the only way to go!
I have used those sites for other reason, not dating. However, they don’t give a lot of details of things and also I have noticed that some of the information is old and not up to date.