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Pulling the “Old person” Card

By Ann Richardson February 09, 2023 Lifestyle

I am on the phone to a major department store in London from which we have just bought a new television (current one bought in 2006, so it was well time).

We think we may need an additional part, but we’re a bit unclear, so I try the telephone “technical” department. They couldn’t help. I am told we need “customer service” and the call is transferred. The new advisor tells us we were right in the first place, so I phone back, get a different advisor and finally get the information I needed.

In other words, the usual run-around that one expects more from government (central or local) departments than from commercial enterprises.

I am tired and fed up. With each discussion, at some point, I mention, “My husband and I are in our 80s. This is really too technical for us, and we just need some help.”

In other words, I pulled the “old person” card.

And each time, it seemed to work. There was a softening in the voice, a greater appearance of the wish to help and a concern that it should be sorted. The issue wasn’t sorted any faster as far as I can tell, but I gained sympathy and general helpfulness.

Was I right to do so?

The Old Person Card

The existence of a special pass applying to old people is not something that is much discussed.

Yes, we know that if someone has cancer, they can throw this into some conversations and get additional sympathy. And sometimes additional services when they would otherwise be refused. This is often called “pulling the cancer card” and makes sense up to a point.

But cancer is something that only some people get, and everyone tends to feel that people with cancer deserve priority in many circumstances. It does raise questions, of course, of whether there should equally be a “chronic diarrhoea card” or an “OCD card” or all the other conditions one could suffer from, but I will let that pass.

The thing about being old is that it comes to us all and therefore, it could be argued, does not single us out for special attention as such. Moreover, emphasising such a “condition” only serves to turn old age into something that deserves sympathy, whereas my general view is that it is a lovely time of life.

I felt there was something ‘cheap’ about using it to attempt to gain some sort of special attention. Indeed, it reinforces prejudices (in the sense of ‘pre-judgements’) about age that I would prefer to dispel.

But many people would argue that old people are frail and less able to cope with modern life and therefore it is reasonable to ask for the extra mile in our favour.

What Is Old?

Perhaps the question comes down to what do we mean by old?

In most societies these days, the specification of ‘old’ begins at 60 or, at most, 65. Perhaps there would be – and should be – less sympathy for anyone pulling the ‘old’ card when he or she was a mere 61.

As we live longer, the concept of ‘old’ crosses a wider span. 20 years ago I was 61. So what about 70? Or 80? Is it OK then?

My friend who is in her late 90s and fighting fit declares that no one is old until they are 90. If so, I had no right to pull the “old person” card.

Moreover, I am hale and healthy (and stand on my head, as I have written before), so why should I expect more sympathy because of my age?

It is a genuine question. The truth is that I don’t expect more sympathy in most circumstances – queueing for an hour might be different. But we all use whatever ammunition we can muster to get a desired result.

Was I right to do so?

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Have you ever pulled the “old person” card? How did you feel about it?  Did it help you to get what you wanted?

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Maeve

Why are people allowed to pull the ” race card” to get special treatment but elders are not allowed to pull the age card? Why are elderly people the only group left that is allowed to be made fun of by comedians( stand up and movies), but you DARE make fun of any race, religion, or sexual orientation and you’ll be blacklisted? I think old folks do deserve special treatment. They’ve put up with much idiocy for a long time.

Holly

It depends. It comes down to this, is it an excuse or is it a reason? is that simple. Blaming hurtful or cruel behavior on being elderly is unfair. Not knowing how to grasp how to use a cell phone in reasonable. As with everything, circumstances are grey and should be looked at on an individual basis.

Val Green

Yes I just did it last week. I locked my keys in my trunk by mistake in a cold lonely parking garage last week. When I called AAA they said it would be 3 hours before someone could come and help me. I told them that I am alone, 73 years old with artificial knees and no where to sit down. They had someone there in 10 minutes!

Kathy Stevens

I don’t need to fake not being able to stay up with tech….it truly is racing along and very confusing at times…and I’m a mere 69!

Erica J Mandell

I think it’s fine to explain a reason you’re having difficulty-whatever it is-if you’re willing to try your best with what you have AND extend similar courtesy back to the other person and in general. A lot depends on how you present it & whether you’re actually limited or just laying a guilt trip. When 21C people assume I speak the language, if I don’t I may mention that I’m a “20th Century Fox.” Then I use their help to improve my vocabulary.

The Author

Ann Richardson’s most popular book, The Granny Who Stands on Her Head, offers a series of reflections on growing older. Subscribe to her free Substack newsletter, where she writes fortnightly on any subject that captures her imagination. Ann lives in London, England with her husband of sixty years. Please visit her website for information on all her books: http://annrichardson.co.uk.

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