You did it! You took the online dating plunge, ignoring naysayers, your nerves, negative thoughts and fear of the unknown. You are now part of the millions of people over 60 ready to date. Congratulations!
Moreover, you are on the right online dating site/app, have an engaging profile and fabulous real current photos. Well, that all seems like a recipe for success, yes? Nope. The key ingredient is coming up – your messages to singles you are interested in. It’s an art and a science.
Yes, it’s partially a numbers game – the more you send, the more you receive back, or at least that would be the conventional outcome. However, that’s not always true. It’s all about what you write – and it can’t be a bunch of cut/paste sentences from previous messages as all that will result in frustration and discouragement.
Spending a minimum of 30 hours each week online as a dating coach with clients on all dating venues – from Bumble, Zoosk, Match to Our Time, etc. – helping craft messages that get good responses from quality singles you’d like to meet in real life is key. Thoughtful, fun messages reap rewards; bland messages pretty much give back nothing – no matter how many you send.
Clients constantly ask me during the coaching process if there is a booklet of responses I can send them. There is not. We need your voice and your personality injected into each message to get the responses that will result in a first date. That’s what I teach!
So, here are my 3 tips for you.
If it can’t be said in under 3 sentences, skip. Remember, this is cyberdating – it’s a fast-played game and as our attention spans have grown shorter, no one has the patience to read 2 paragraphs.
Is this message fun, a bit flirty and casual like you are talking to a friend? Formal won’t work.
Example: Susan (a client, 62, living in Boston) and I read an interesting man’s profile this week on Our Time; he had bullet-pointed a few things that were important to him. Susan’s response?
“Hey Jack, Cute photo with your daughter. Tennis? Check. Stand up paddleboarding. Check. Indie Flicks. Check. Ready for a glass of wine or lunch this week? Warmly, Susan
Two hours later, she had a response – and they had a glass of wine (oops, 2) on Friday. No long sentences needed and while it might look like I’m breaking Tip 1 it was short, sweet and had an end goal!
If your opening salvo could have fit 500 women/men online, well, it is not unique at all.
Another example is Jack, 59, from NYC. We were browsing via his Match account, and we spotted an interesting 63-year-old woman who also has the travel bug – and has traveled to many of the unusual places he has. Jack wanted to say, “Hi Christa, wasn’t climbing Denali amazing? Love the souks in Marrakesh too. Never thought I’d sleep in a treehouse in Kenya. Best, Jack.”
You’d think, “Ok, what’s wrong with this? He regurgitated back that they’d been to the same places.” The issue? No question asked at the end, so what should he expect?
Instead, I said, “Jack, let me type it.” (Yep, my job is support all the way through.)
“Christa, great pic with the Māori Chief. Ok, up next for me, I’m thinking of the Orient Express and perhaps Quito – looks gorgeous. Perhaps lunch Thursday or Friday as I’m totally interested in meeting you?!? —Best Jack”
So why is this a better message? He identified she was with a Māori Chief without there even being a caption identifying this. He shared some new things about himself not in his profile. He expressed interest and asked for a lunch date. We’re making progress here to a meet in real-life versus a long texting/messaging chain.
Also, an exclamation mark adds excitement and interest. But don’t use more than one.
Assume the date will go well. We all know likes, hearts and winks get you nowhere, but an enthusiastic message followed by the suggestion of lunch, coffee, or a drink oozes self-confidence.
How many messages do you send when actively looking for a date? How many do you receive? What do you notice that spikes up interest – yours and others’?
Tags Senior Dating Advice