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Single Over 60? Alone and Fabulous? Don’t Worry… You’re Perfect!

By Elizabeth Dunkel August 01, 2022 Dating

“If I’m so fabulous, then why am I single?”

This question came to me and I realized I have to write about it. I often ask it of myself. I see my friends with their various backstories, neuroses and impossibilities, in relationships. High maintenance types, neurotics, just plain crazies, you name it, they have a partner.

And here I am accomplished, attractive, a lovely home, financially solvent, a dynamic home chef and baker. I travel, I have hobbies. I write a popular blog. I go to yoga and Pilates. I have two cats and a dog. I am capable, well read, sensitive, fun loving, intellectual. And single.

Then starts the useless self-examination. Am I too demanding? Am I a loner? Is there something wrong with me? This is society’s way of making us feel there’s something wrong with us. There is nothing “wrong.”

Single Ladies, Relax!

Even at 70, after an abusive marriage, apparently I am supposed to want to find a companion. Why is there this constant pressure to couple? There are questions to be asked, issues to be considered.

First of all, society is obsessed with coupledom. Obsessed! Remember Noah’s Ark? We singletons don’t stand a chance, with Noah’s command of “animals two by two” coming down to us through the millennia as the only way to get on the boat.

Is Success and Fulfillment for Couples Only?

Do you ever ask yourself why society tends to view you as successful and fulfilled only if you are in a couple? Look at the marriage industry created around coupling, the must-have diamond, and if it’s not big and super white you’re led to feel a little less. The big wedding. The glorious honeymoon. The quiet divorce. Or, not so quiet. 50% of marriages end there.

Society continues to not help single people feel like “enough.” Singles are punished in solo travel by paying a 200% extra for a single room on a cruise. The phrase “2 for 1” is in the vernacular cosmos. Yet, Google “solo travel” and see what a huge industry it is. There’s a reason why the Bridget Jones movies were such blockbusters. We are obsessed with treating single life as a condition to be overcome.

Okay, one of the reasons I’m single is: Dating, finding someone to date, cultivating a social life is work! A lot of work. And I don’t feel like working so hard at it.

When I was young, my Mother used to say, “You won’t meet anyone sitting in your apartment.” Well, a 65-year-old friend met a grand passion by answering the door of her apartment to the tenant upstairs, thank you very much.

I’m a believer that if it’s meant to be, it will happen. That, if you follow the course of your life, invest in your interests and passions, you will come across like-minded souls and maybe a soul mate.

If you’re going to try online dating, it’s work. You’ve got to choose a dating website, write up a profile, upload a photograph, think about your answers to questions like: “What are five things you don’t like about you?” and “If you were an article of clothing, what would it be?” You might have to pay some money too. Then you get to spend hours combing through profiles and pictures looking for Mr. or Ms. Right.

If you’re going to skip the virtual dating world and go out, well that’s work too. You don’t need me to tell you that. Deciding what event to go to, buying tickets, getting dressed, driving, paying parking and then striking up conversations.

If you’re single, it doesn’t mean you’re alone. You can be single but have lots of friends. Redefine the word “intimacy” and you’ll realize you have lots of it in your life. Work friends, old friends, new friends, gym friends, class friends, walking friends, church friends.

I Refuse to Feel “Less Than”

I am a solitaire. A diamond white, shining bright, huge. I am a queen. As Beyoncé says, “I’m not bossy, I’m the boss.” I dine out alone and feel like the most interesting woman in the room. I never let being single stop me from going to an event, theatre or museum.

And here’s the thing: I can score a ticket to almost any show at the last minute (except for, maybe, Hamilton) because there is always a single ticket available, somewhere.

The same thing with restaurants. I was in Paris and wanted to eat at Le Comptoir, a bistro that Anthony Bourdain featured on his show, No Reservations. There is a waiting list of three months to get in. I walked in and got a table for that same evening, because there is always one space where they can’t fit two, but room plenty for one person.

In fact, my table for one was in prime café street watching position in the front row. I ordered a bottle of rose and took home half the bottle. I had a splendid time being the most catered to person by the wait staff.

I know we all seek connection. When you’re sick, it’s nice to have someone make you a cup of tea, or dash to the drugstore for some Pepto. Yes, there are times that being single sucks. But I refuse to feel less than because time or circumstances have not worked out in the favor of having a partner.

In the end, we are all alone. One partner will die before the other, and you will be single. In fact, you will spend more time single than you ever were married. So get used to it. And be nice to your single friends.

How do you feel about being single? Can you cherish it, or do you feel the pressure to couple? Or, do you genuinely want to couple? All answers are good! As they said in Bridget Jones, “You are perfect, just the way you are.” Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

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If u think it is bad being single try being a retired veteran single female, you are truly way underrated when in the midst of male copatriots.

Victoria Ilgacs

I’m 68. I’ve had my fair share of male connection through my life. No marriage. Lived with a few. Have really never pictured, as a kid, the getting married wearing a white dress down the isle thing. My parents were a terrible example for me of how a marriage might work. I ran away from home at the age of 16 to escape the nightmare. I made my way through life the best I could, falling down rabbit holes here and there. I learned early how to be self sufficient and have continued to be that way. Even had my son and raised him on my own. Did I a pretty good job too. I never lamented being a single mom. Figured I could be with an asshole partner that could make our lives difficult. I know married people who feel lonely and single. There are times I feel lonely, but I have lots of activities and friends. I like coming home to my own space. Learned to get comfortable with travelling on my own too. In fact did a 9 month trip to India, Sri Lanka and Kashmir in my early 30’s. Have also learn to get comfortable with camping on my own. In fact on my last trip camping in Algonquin I met two other women camping on their own. One that camped all the way from Vancouver across Canada to the east coast. Another lost her husband and continued to drive their huge camper to different parks and camp out. Women of my generation were never brought up to consider doing these things on their own. It was always about finding a guy who you could do that with. I like the idea of challenging those ways of being for women. Anyway, I would like singledom to be more accepted and to see that pressure to couple to not be the norm. Both ways are made up of angels and demons. We all need support in our choices. .

Charlene Nelson

I enjoyed your article. I am blessed to be 67 and happily married for 29 years. This is my second marriage, as my first one ended in divorce. Between marriages, I had six years of singledom. I look back on those years with pride and gratitude. I gained so much confidence in my ability to thrive on my own. I learned so much, including how to have a sense of humor about the travails of dating. I loved my apartment and the peace of living alone. And yes, control of the remote was fabulous! There were difficulties, just as marriage has difficulties. Never let anyone, especially marketers, make you feel less than. I wouldn’t trade my single years for anything!


I enjoyed reading this article. It really resonated with me. I am really feeling empowered in my newly single life! I have no one to answer to but myself, and I like myself! The only thing I miss is physical intimacy. I just got off of a a six month gig on a dating site, and yes it is work, but it was also fun. What I found most interesting is not many men in our age group are interested in a friends with benefits type scenario. I found that surprising. I keep wondering if what they’re really looking for is someone to take care of them? Anyways, I’m working on generating more female friendships and enjoying my life as it is (and yes, I’m having sex!). ;-)


I loved this article. It made me feel empowered. I had been married for 48 years when my husband died. I have been single for just over two years. When I go out with friends, I feel envious of the women who are with men but then I try to think that I had my husband for 48 years so I shouldn’t be jealous. I need to remember what you said that it’s okay to be alone. I don’t know that I want to find a permanent man, I don’t want to officially couple anymore. Maybe just a companion to go out with now and then. I keep thinking people are looking me wondering why I am not with a man, but you were right when you said that sooner or later a couple will lose one of the spouses and will put them in the same cateory as me -alone.

The Author

Elizabeth Dunkel is a writer and novelist who recently moved back to the U.S. after living in Merida, Mexico for 25 years. Elizabeth is the proud founder of the Merida English Library. As a Cambridge CELTA certified teacher of ESL, she considers herself not just a teacher but a dream maker. “Teaching English empowers people to reach their dreams.”

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