9 Things You Wish Your Married Friends Knew About Being Single Over the Holidays
The holidays can magnify feelings of loneliness and isolation – especially when you’re navigating them as a single woman after years of celebrating as part of a couple.
As a dating coach for women over 50, I hear the ache in women’s voices when they talk about spending the holidays without their partner and feeling disconnected from their married friends during what used to be their favorite time of year.
They wish they could explain what it’s really like to face empty chairs at holiday dinners, couples-oriented parties, and family gatherings without their spouse sitting across from them.
Over the years, single women divorced and widowed have shared their thoughts about the holidays. I’ve put together the 9 most common concerns I’ve heard from them about navigating the holidays as a single person they wish they could share with their married friends.
My hope is that this opens everyone’s eyes – single and married – to be more compassionate and aware of what the holidays can feel like when life changes and you find yourself celebrating on your own instead of as part of a couple.
#1: We Know You Mean Well When You Tell Us What a Great Catch We Are or That We’ll Find Someone Special Soon
But when the holidays arrive and we’re still alone, those reassurances can make us feel like we’ve failed somehow.
What helps most is when our married friends simply acknowledge that the holidays are hard, and they reach out to let us know they’re thinking of us.
#2: Please Don’t Assume We Want to Be Alone – Or That We’re “Doing Fine” Just Because We Haven’t Reached Out
The holidays amplify feelings of loss and loneliness, and sometimes we withdraw because we don’t want to burden anyone or feel like a third wheel.
If you haven’t heard from us, it means more than you know when you reach out with a specific invitation – not just, “Let me know if you need anything,” but something like:
“I’m hosting a casual dinner on December 20th and would love for you to join us.”
#3: We’d Love to Still Be Included in the Holiday Gatherings We’ve Always Enjoyed
We miss connecting with our couple friends during the festivities we used to share.
We were part of the group for a long time, and it hurts to suddenly be excluded from traditions we helped create just because our relationship status changed.
Even if it feels a little different now, your invitation says, “You still matter to us.”
#4: If We’re Dating Someone New, Please Give Him a Chance at Your Holiday Events
We know it can be an adjustment to see us with someone else – especially during a season filled with memories of our previous partner.
Whether this man is in our life for six months or becomes a long-term partner, it means a lot when you make an effort to welcome him.
Your warmth helps us feel less isolated during a time that can already feel tender and uncertain.
#5: Please Know That Certain Questions at Holiday Gatherings Can Catch Us Off Guard – Especially in Front of Others
Questions like, “Are you seeing anyone?” or “How are you spending the holidays?” are often asked with genuine care, but they can put us on the spot when we’re already feeling vulnerable about being single during the holidays.
A simple, “It’s so good to see you,” or “I’m really glad you’re here,” can feel incredibly comforting and gives us space to share what we’re comfortable sharing, when we’re ready.
#6: We Can Spend a Lot of Holiday Evenings Alone
This is especially true if our kids live far away or are celebrating with their other parent or in-laws.
An invitation like, “Let’s do dinner together sometime during the season – bring your husband too,” can mean the world.
We’re not trying to step into your marriage. We simply miss the warmth of couple friendships and the comfort of being part of a familiar circle.
#7: The Holidays Highlight Just How Much We’ve Had to Handle on Our Own
That might look like rattling around in a house that now feels too big, adjusting to a downsized space without room for all our decorations, creating new traditions from scratch, or learning how to show up at the holiday events as a single woman after years of being part of a couple.
If you have a partner to share both the joy and the stress of the season with, that truly is a gift.
We’re doing all of this alone, and this is a time when your support and thoughtfulness really matter.
#8: Many of Us Are Strong, Successful Women – But That Doesn’t Mean We’re Not Hurting
We’ve learned how to put on a brave face, and we often act as if everything is fine at holiday gatherings.
Sometimes, when we feel close and safe with you, it all pours out – we share more than we meant to, simply because we don’t have many places where we can say how hard this season really feels.
We don’t mean to overwhelm you. We’re just deeply grateful to have a friend who lets us be real.
#9: We Treasure Our Friendship – And We’re Here for You, Too
We know the holidays can be stressful even when you have a partner: family drama, financial pressure, packed schedules, and of course the endless to-do lists.
Please don’t feel like you can’t share your struggles with us just because we’re single.
We still want to be the friend who listens, helps, and shows up for you. Our friendship matters to us, and it absolutely goes both ways.
Now It’s Your Turn…
Does this resonate with you – whether you’re single or married? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Agree? Disagree? Have something you’d add? Share in the comments below. 💗
Tags Friendships Solo Living
Don’t forget those of us who have always been alone every day! Don’t assume it gets easier as the years go by!
Agree, Jan. That’s why hearing others complaining during covid about being alone a holiday or two was challenging when one has had many – plus many normal days like that.
I don’t even know were to start with this article. I found it so insulting. More than half of women 65 and older in this country are single. We are the majority – and most I know are not missing being part of a couple. Many are happier than they have ever been in their lives because they are free and at peace. They have formed strong bonds with other single women and relieved they don’t have to face years sitting across the table from someone who doesn’t care with other similarly dysfunctional and unhappy couples. They are not waiting to be coupled again. Most of them don’t want it (but even if they did their chances of remarrying are extremely low.) Please don’t urge these married couples to take pity on their single friends and invite them over once in a blue moon. They don’t want them to be part of their real circle of friends and guess what? We don’t care. We are busy enjoying life with people who make us a top priority in their life – not just a fun person to see when “hubby” is busy. Better advice for single people over the holidays? Create events with your families or single friends or both that are fulfilling because you are the exact person they want at their table for holidays and every other day. Cultivate and invest in these friends year round and the holidays will be some of the best and most stress free you have ever had.
Hi Sue…Thank you for sharing your perspective so clearly. I can see that the article doesn’t reflect your experience or the experience of many women you know.
In my work with women, I hear something a bit different. The women who come to me have also created very full, meaningful lives for themselves — rich with friendships, interests, and independence — and they still want companionship. They miss having a partner, and they also miss the friendships and social world that were built around being part of a couple.
I completely agree with you that creating events and traditions with family or single friends who genuinely want you at their table is powerful and important. At the same time, there are also women who really value their long-standing couple friendships and feel a real loss when those connections fade after a divorce or widowhood. For them, being remembered and included by those friends can be deeply meaningful while they are rebuilding their lives.
Your experience is an important part of the larger picture of what life can look like for single women later in life, and other women may experience this stage differently. Thank you again for adding your voice to this conversation.
Amen!
so true……..
Spot on! Could not be happier being on my own. Article was very insulting.
Your opinions are strong, and I respect that immensely. This has been a wonderful topic of discussion. I thank the writer for their opinions as well. Not everyone feels strong during the holiday season, and I hope our friends married or otherwise think to offer us compassion befitting our own personal opinions and circumstances.
Exactly and extremely well said, Sue!
How true – being alone often feels like nobody sees you – thank you for writing this
You’re so welcome Brigitte.
Wow I never thought I’d ever see an article like this!
I’ve been divorced for years and have no kids. My closest family live out of state..not convenient for travel. But they don’t invite me anyway.
What hurts most is friends here that don’t include me or even ask what my plans are. One lady won’t even wish me a Happy Thanksgiving…she avoids the subject altogether!
Outside of Holidays I’m very social and invite friends to my home for dinner or casual evenings…but as soon as the Holidays arrive…I become persona non grata.
I now just say Holidays are for people with family….and plan the day around a movie, a good book and dinner by myself.
Thank you for the article!
Exactly!
Agree