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Raising the Next Generation Box-Free: What We Can Teach Our Kids and Grandkids

By Betsy Pepine March 18, 2025 Family

Children are like sponges, absorbing the world around them and learning not just from what we say, but from what we do. As parents, grandparents, and mentors, we have the opportunity to help them grow up without being confined by societal boxes – whether those boxes are about gender roles, career expectations, or self-worth.

The goal isn’t to hand them a perfect roadmap but to equip them with the tools they need to navigate life freely, authentically, and courageously. Let’s dive into how we can inspire the next generation to live box-free lives.

1. Encourage Curiosity Over Conformity

One of the best ways to raise box-free kids is to nurture their curiosity. Instead of teaching them to fit into predefined roles, encourage them to explore their interests, ask questions, and think critically.

Tips to Inspire Curiosity:

  • Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of “What do you want to be when you grow up?” ask, “What are some things you’d like to try or learn about?”
  • Provide Diverse Experiences: Expose them to different hobbies, cultures, and ways of thinking.
  • Model Curiosity Yourself: Let them see you learning new things or challenging your own assumptions.

2. Celebrate Effort, Not Perfection

Society often pressures kids to achieve perfection, whether it’s in academics, sports, or behavior. But focusing on effort rather than outcomes helps them build resilience and a growth mindset.

How to Celebrate Effort:

  • Praise them for trying something new, even if they don’t succeed right away.
  • Share stories of your own mistakes and what you learned from them.
  • Teach them to see failure as a stepping stone, not a dead end.

Example: If they get a low grade on a test, say, “I’m proud of how hard you studied. Let’s figure out together how to improve next time.”

3. Challenge Gender Stereotypes

From an early age, kids are bombarded with messages about what boys and girls “are supposed to” do. These stereotypes can limit their potential and self-expression. As role models, we can break these patterns by challenging traditional norms.

Ways to Challenge Gender Stereotypes:

  • Encourage boys to express their emotions and girls to assert themselves.
  • Let kids explore toys, activities, and clothes without labeling them as “boy” or “girl” things.
  • Highlight examples of people who defy stereotypes, like female scientists or male caregivers.

4. Teach Them to Question Societal Boxes

Kids grow up surrounded by societal expectations – from how they should look to what they should achieve. Teaching them to critically evaluate these messages helps them think for themselves.

How to Foster Critical Thinking:

  • Discuss media and advertising: Ask questions like, “What do you think this commercial is trying to tell us?”
  • Encourage them to share their opinions, even if they differ from yours.
  • Show them how to research and gather information before forming conclusions.

5. Be a Living Example

Kids learn more from what we do than what we say. If you want to raise box-free thinkers, show them what it looks like by living authentically and challenging your own limitations.

Ways to Lead by Example:

  • Pursue your passions, no matter your age.
  • Set healthy boundaries and prioritize self-care.
  • Speak up for what you believe in, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Tip: Share stories of how you’ve stepped outside your comfort zone or overcome fears. These real-life examples inspire them to do the same.

6. Encourage Empathy and Inclusion

Living box-free isn’t just about personal freedom – it’s also about recognizing and respecting others’ unique paths. Teaching empathy and inclusion helps kids value diversity and build meaningful connections.

How to Teach Empathy:

  • Encourage them to imagine how others might feel in a given situation.
  • Expose them to different cultures, perspectives, and experiences.
  • Model kindness and fairness in your own interactions.

Activity Idea: Read books or watch movies together that showcase diverse characters and discuss what you learned.

7. Give Them Space to Define Success

Success looks different for everyone. Instead of imposing your idea of success on kids, give them the freedom to define it for themselves. Whether they dream of being an artist, a scientist, or a stay-at-home parent, what matters most is that they feel fulfilled and true to themselves.

Questions to Help Them Define Success:

  • What makes you feel happiest and most alive?
  • What kind of life do you want to create for yourself?
  • How can you use your strengths to make a positive impact?

Conclusion: The Gift of Freedom

Helping kids and grandkids grow up box-free is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. By nurturing their curiosity, celebrating their unique qualities, and challenging societal norms, you’re empowering them to live authentically and boldly.

The world doesn’t need more people who fit into boxes. It needs individuals who think outside of them, break barriers, and create new possibilities. And with your guidance, the next generation can be exactly that.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Is there a young person in your life who needs your input on various matters of life? How do you contribute your wisdom? What advice have you given to a younger person?

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Jeanne Arnold

I contribute to my grandchildren’s growth by being an example. I’m pursuing my passions such as acting, singing and dancing in a funk band, and exercising. I set an example of empathy and inclusion and listen to their feelings, hopes, and anxieties. We attend spiritual services together, and discuss finding our purpose in life. We create things together. We play music together. I am really blessed to have them in my life. We inspire each other to continue to grow – to build our connections, help others,and live authentic, kind, fulfilled,creative lives.

Last edited 1 year ago by Jeanne Arnold
Betsy Pepine

I love this Jeanne. What wonderful experiences you are giving and memories you are creating!

Janet

This article really spoke to me. When I was growing up, my dad was definitely expecting me to focus on the sciences in high school but I never had the courage to take on the challenge of following that type of career track. I was so scared of failing. Funny thing though, I chose psychology but ended up really enjoying the scientific and research side of the discipline.

So, you would think I would have learned from my own experience to let my daughter choose her own path. But no. When my daughter enrolled and excelled in all the engineering classes in high school, I was very excited for her. A female engineer could write her own career ticket. But guess what, when she got to college, she hated it.

Fortunately, she was smart enough to realize that she needed to change her focus and she ended up choosing (ironically) psychology but she loves the counseling aspects of the discipline and is so good at working with kids struggling with anxiety, depression, and the negative behaviors that can accompany those mental health issues.

I’m so glad we each found our own way to go beyond the parental boxes that were placed on us. But those decisions were tough for each of us to make because we were so young and trying to live up to our parents’ expectations.

We have chatted a lot about this. And I think we have both learned the lesson that this article conveys. Guidance and encouragement are absolutely essential but we need to be careful not to push too hard so that our own expectations become boxes for the next generation.

Betsy Pepine

Janet – I love that you and your daughter were able to talk about it and that she was able to pivot in a way that was more authentic to her.

The Author

Betsy Pepine is a best-selling author of Breaking Boxes and a serial entrepreneur in real estate. Passionate about helping at-risk families, Betsy founded Pepine Gives, a non-profit that helps families facing housing insecurity. Betsy earned an economics degree from Duke University and an MBA from The Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania.

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