14 Easy Ways to Keep Funeral Costs Down
“I don’t want to pay that amount of money for something I don’t want!”
I screamed these words to the funeral director who sat opposite me on the sofa two days after my husband had died.
Tears rolled down my cheeks, I felt beside myself with rage and misery. I didn’t want to have to deal with a funeral, I didn’t have any money to pay for anything, and I certainly didn’t want my husband to have died. It felt all wrong.
Much later, I discovered that what I had paid ($3500) was in fact quite low, even though it had been an enormous amount for me.
Funerals Can Be Very Expensive
With the current average costs of a traditional funeral being around $8-12,000 in the USA, and similar amounts elsewhere in the Western world, it’s no wonder many people feel like I did in this situation.
So, is there anything that can be done to lessen these costs? If you are willing to have an open mind, the answer is yes.
The first thing is to consider your own funeral now, before it is needed – it will have to happen at some point. If you are willing to consider this before somebody else has to, then you may find you don’t want any kind of funeral at all.
You don’t have to have one. A friend of mine simply went to the pub with his children and close family when his wife died – that was what she wanted. There’s no law that states you need a funeral, in the way we usually think of them.
It is simply a ritual – one that has become normalized for us to the extent that we assume when someone dies you ring the funeral director and they will take care of it all. You can, of course, do that, nothing wrong with it, but you have to be prepared to pay!
So, here are just a few of the areas you can address to bring costs down. They are adapted from my book Before I Go: The Essential Guide to Creating A Good End-of-Life Plan.
First of all, decide whether you want a funeral or not. Legally, all that has to be done is taking care of the body according to the laws in your state or country. Otherwise, reflect on these, and make sure your wishes about them are written down and easily accessible:
Cremation or Burial Fees
If these include additional services, such as an organist, ask for them to be removed. Or opt for direct cremation, where the body is disposed of separate from any kind of ritual event.
Viewing
You don’t have to make the body available for viewing. You can simply go on with the funeral and skip this step.
Embalming
It is not compulsory nor necessary to have the body of the deceased embalmed, unless circumstances deem it so for viewing or other purposes.
Coffins
When it comes to coffins, ask for the cheapest. Opt for a shroud if it is less expensive or organize your own beforehand.
Hearse and Limousine
Ask for less ostentatious cars, or just a hearse without other vehicles. It’s also possible to arrange to collect the body yourself.
Funeral Staff
You can ask friends and family to be your funeral staff instead of hiring people, such as pall bearers.
Minister or Another Officiant
Perhaps a close friend or relative can perform the service.
Funeral Flowers
Instead of buying tons of flowers, request people to donate to a charity, or to bring flowers from your own or a friend’s garden.
Death Notice/Funeral Notification
Ask your friends and family to help with notifications by calling others on your behalf, or with posting or emailing home-made notices.
Order of Service Sheets
Design and print out order of service sheets yourself.
Venue for Wake/Funeral Reception
Instead of hiring a venue, use your home, or that of family or friends.
Catering
Ask friends and family to help with making the food/drinks at home, or to bring something to share.
Memorial
Create an online memorial site, and/or link to a charity organization.
Headstone
Plant a tree, create your own home-made offering and have it separate from what happens to the body.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you know what you want done with your body and/or funeral? In detail? Have you told anyone, or much better, written it down? It might be time to think on it. Please share any funeral advice you may have gained in the past years.
Thank you, thank you for this article!! It is very affirming to see in writing by someone who has gone through this the alternatives to the ghastly expensive (gouging!) prices of a “traditional” funeral.
My dad just passed away. He and mom had many conversations with us kids about what he wanted for his funeral (he was 87 with multiple health issues). He and mom also had purchased prepaid funeral plans they made monthly installments that would be paid in full at 3 years. They had made all the decisions about what the funeral home would provide. They are also members of a church that was very accommodating in providing everything for a service at the church. It has been a blessing to have our parents be willing to have the conversations and take care of arrangements to make this time easier for all of us.
My husband and I are donating our bodies to science. We will ultimately be cremated and our ashes returned to our family at no expense to us or them. While this may not be for everyone, I am suggesting it as a possible alternative solution.
It’s a great idea if it appeals and the family all know in advance too. In fact, it’s what I have organised for my own body. (NB it does have to be put in place in advance)
Chris, my mother did that, but they rejected her body because of a internal herpes infection caused by her cancer treatment. Make sure you have a Plan B, because her lack of a plan caused a lot of chaos in my family.
Another alternative is to donate your body to science, as a friend of mine did. She donated it to a medical school.
Another option to think about in the US, there are now 12 states where it is legal to be composted–no taking up good land in a box full of toxic chemicals, no massive energy use for incineration. I signed up and paid for a plan in WA, so my kids can put me back in the garden I’ve worked on and enjoyed during life.
Best for the planet 🙏
Yes, there are new things happening all the time with the funeral industry, and this is one of them. Sounds sensible to me!