3 Sure-Fire Ways to Get Out of a Funk After 50
The other day, I innocently asked my grandson what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He thought for a moment, then gazed intently into my eyes and answered explicitly, “No books, Nana. And nothing you knitted.”
If I had been confronted by his blatant honesty last week, I don’t think I would have had the same lighthearted reaction.
Have you ever been in a deep funk where suddenly everything looked dark, foreboding and hopeless? I call this sudden turn of darkness “going down the rabbit hole.” And I went there seven days ago.
Sure, there were real frustrations:
- The scale was heading north again; my beloved white jeans felt tighter and tighter.
- I was spending more money than my income could bear.
- I had career-related deadlines, setbacks, obstacles and challenges that were beginning to seem insurmountable.
- And I was tired. So very tired.
Down the rabbit hole I tumbled. Isolating myself from family and friends. Viewing every situation and scenario in the most negative light possible.
Things Could Always Be Worse
Yes, I know things can always be worse. My favorite waitress’s mom is dying of a brain tumor at age 52. A high school crony is on dialysis three times a week and has just had four fingers on his right hand amputated due to his diabetic condition. My mother’s long-time friend has just lost her 25-year-old grandson to a drug overdose.
But I’m allowed to wallow in my own “petty” misery, right? I’m allowed a few bad days in a funk? Even if my misery is less than their misery?
Here are three ways to climb out of the rabbit hole.
Perfect the Art of Gratitude
The lack of gratitude causes an over-inflated sense of entitlement, a de-sensitizing to small material pleasures and an inability to be sated. Practicing the art of gratitude is the gateway to seeing our world differently – we reawaken to the pleasures in our lives that are already in place.
I marvel at my orchid’s new bud. I savor my first sip of morning coffee. I drink in my husband’s handsome chiseled profile while he sleeps beside me.
On my climb out of the rabbit hole, I stop focusing on the deficits. I free myself from eagle-eyeing and stock-piling every aggravation, annoyance and slight directed my way; from over personalizing; and from utter self-absorption.
“Gratitude,” says Timothy Miller in How to Want What You Have, “is the intention to count your blessings while avoiding the belief that you need or deserve different circumstances.”
Seek Out the Humorous
Continually looking for the humor in the daily routine of our lives helps us weather instability and change. Finding the lighthearted edge reduces stress and aids us in concentrating less on our disappointments, frustrations and woes.
A sense of humor helps us deal with obstacles, road blocks and bumps in the road. It facilitates our evolving and finding a comfortable place for ourselves. Also, it keeps us out of the rabbit hole.
Try these jokes:
A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money, so I woke up and searched with him.
Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk nine feet through shag carpeting to change the TV channel.
A recent study found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
Feel better?
Keep Things in Perspective
When storm clouds appear on your horizon, how do you cope? I cope by keeping things in perspective. I recently wrote a column on the difficulty of seeing a child off to college. Or pre-school. Or Kindergarten.
My column could easily apply to watching an adult child move far away to a new city. It could apply to watching an adult child or a grandchild embrace a way of life that seems disjointed and foreign. My column could apply when we experience a lack of open and honest communication with our offspring.
It is normal that feelings of loss, anxiety and disappointment can pull us down, but keeping things in perspective will ultimately be the grease that makes climbing out of the rabbit hole easier, quicker and less arduous. It’s all about perspective.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What do you do to get out of a funk? Pretend you are sitting with your best friend at her kitchen table, chatting away about how to stay out of a funk or get out of one, and how to keep things in proper perspective. Please dig deep in your toolbox and share your wisdom below.
Tags Finding Happiness
Thank you Iris for sharing your thoughts in how you mastered the dilemma of ‘Getting Out of a Funk’ and successfully climbing out of that notoriously dangerous rabbit hole.🐇 Your solutions and/or remedies are stellar! Also, thank you Lynn for your honesty in expressing your lonliness and frustrations. I empathize with you completely regarding loneliness and frustrations. In fact, I was walking right behind on that dreadfully lonesome road UNTIL discovering Margaret’s Sixty and Me. I cannot thank all the ladies enough who contribute to this support group. They have become my online friends. They have changed my life in every respect. No matter what is on my mind, ironically, the Sixty and Me gang offers possible solutions. Lynn, I can picture us having lunch while discussing similar issues we share. Then, i picture myself not walking down the road BEHIND you but walking the road BESIDE you! Please know you have friends. ‘SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND’. You will find comfort because you are still seeking. That, my new friend, is what counts! Sincerely, Molly.❤️
Hi, Iris, and thanks for your column. Whatever you give energy to, that’s what blooms and grows. So choose carefully.
My sister is going through a rough time right now so I sent her your three jokes to bring her a smile. Thank you so much for that! I agree that humor is really good. Getting outdoors for a walk every day helps a lot (even in bad weather). Also journaling, as long as you don’t wallow.
And at the end of every day I write down Three Good Things about that day. I even did it while in the hospital with a serious illness, sometimes scraping the bottom of the gratitude barrel and writing things like:
1) I didn’t die today
2) the spinal tap only lasted a short time
3) I get to sleep now, at least if the meds work.
So there is ALWAYS something to feel good about; you just have to look a little harder at times.
Great article, thank you! Exercise helps, also as you suggested I talk myself down by putting things in perspective. And for me if I am feeling angry and need to calm down. looking through some of my favorite books on decor or travel helps to calm me and bring me back to center. I’m interested to read your book! Just ordered it :)
Go out for a walk……..around the neighborhood, a park, just get out. Too cold, try walking around a Home Depot, Lowe’s, Target…….walk the perimeter, then in one lane until u get to the center……..just try it.
I’m so tired of authors who have children and grandchildren writing about this subject. Those of us who are isolated and have neither, nor have any support system, need articles to help us. I wish this site would find those writers.
Please don’t give up Lynn. I have been in a place like that before. I started walking and just meeting new people that were out walking in my community. A bit later or like 6 months later I discovered that I had made my own support system. There are people online and different support groups you can join. I feel for you as I have been there but you can change it. Just give yourself a break and appreciate the small things everyday. I only have 1 child and 1 granddaughter (she lives 600 miles away) and no family close. I do understand and they do have articles for those of us that are isolated. Please hang in there, I know it will get better.
Lynn, I hear you! (Me: Estranged daughter who has no kids, and 1000 miles away from all my best friends and son. Served my time raising children, not interested in more of that.) BUT I found out, just like Julie, another commenter here said, that right here in my fairly isolated location are some great things to do and see. Even in bad weather, gtting out and taking a walk is a mood lifter. I splashed around like a duck the other day in my rain boots under an umbrella and felt great about it. Who cares if someone saw me—I enjoyed my rainy day walk.
And maybe you could write an article for Sixty and Me from the “Solitary 60-somethings'” perspective. What kinds of things would you want to read about? Then write some for us. I would read you gladly. Looking forward to the topics you want to write about!