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3 Ways to Maintain the Allure of Confidence in Your 60s

By Joan Frances Moran August 07, 2023 Mindset

The most alluring attribute a woman can possess is confidence. Confidence turns heads, makes easy introductions and can stop the world in its tracks.

Some years ago, I spent a week’s vacation with two of my grammar school chums. Each of us is unique, and each of our lives turned out very differently. Also, each of us had the allure of confidence even in our Catholic grammar school.

This Is How We Were Raised to Be

After my divorce almost four decades ago, I chose to carve out my gypsy journey of acting, teaching, writing, and traveling. I raised two sons and kept on dancing as if no one was watching. I’ve had a pretty good sense of self because I was raised by a father and mother who instilled confidence in me. At an early age, I understood and was grateful for the gifts and talents I was blessed with.

I met my friend Charlotte when we were both three years old. She divorced after 18 years of marriage (as I did) because of her husband’s addictions, and she raised two talented and educated children.

Charlotte was strong and beautiful and lucky enough to have fallen in love with a wonderful man 25 years ago. She married him and stayed by his side until his death. She still lives in their home tending diligently and lovingly to their joyful memories.

Her alluring confidence manifests itself in a highly developed social and emotional intelligence. She also derives great happiness from her family, grandchildren, a large circle of friends and her gardening. Charlotte walks like she knows where she is going, what she will be doing at every given minute of the day and carries a sense of urgency about how to live a happy life.

The third member of our clique is Frances. Frances is Phyllis Diller on steroids. She was the funniest girl in school, with a big heart on top. She never doubted the power of her humor, her memory, stray animals, and people, and her less than glamour-girl looks. In fact, Frances was our senior homecoming queen.

It was unfortunate that Frances was raised by two dysfunctional parents. They disliked almost everyone who was anything other than Catholic, German, or Irish. Frances was rebelling before she got out of high school, acting out and defying parental rules.

After leaving home, Frances spent decades in rebellion. She married three husbands, all of whom she outlived. She was never confident enough to find happiness. She searched for a stable life, finally marrying her last husband for money and not for love.

She lived in misery, surrounded by a shroud of alcohol and cigarettes. As Frances lost the allure of confidence, her belief in self ran out. And yet, there was hope because she had enough confidence to raise three children.

It was sad to see Frances lose her way, even though every so often, she has flashes of the young girl who was the homecoming queen, full of humor and gusto. After difficult days of watching someone you love fall apart daily, Charlotte and I decided to forgive Frances for not being what we wanted her to be.

Maintaining the Allure of Confidence

We all suffer from small deaths: loss of autonomy, individuality, or dignity. The enemy is loss of confidence, and that loss leads to self-pity. When we reach the stage of self-pity, we lose respect before everyone’s eyes.

Here’s how we can maintain the allure of confidence for the rest of our lives.

Possess Self-Knowledge

There is nothing more assertive and alluring as self-knowledge. From knowledge comes truth, or as the yogis say, truth to power. Knowing who you are, what your values are, how you want to live your life, etc. instills an overall state of well-being in us.

Whenever I am disappointed, or ask myself if I can be utterly happy being alone, I dig deep into my values, find my bliss, and maintain my autonomy.

Stay Engaged

Nothing is more exciting in life than staying engaged – socially, emotionally, and intellectually. Engagement gives us the ability to stay curious, vibrant, and alluring. Engagement gives us the ability to stay present, active and, focused. Embracing these ideas is a prescription to staying confident with inner peace.

Practice Acceptance

Life is a process of living, and part of living is accepting our journey, our experiences. Acceptance is integral to maintaining our alluring confidence. Acceptance is a form of recognition that we have been given a life that is connected to everything and everyone in our universe.

By approving this life, we honor our mind, body, and spirit. It is then that we can rejoice because we are able to come full circle – from birth to death – giving ourselves permission to create a life worth living.

Our dear friend Frances got off track and lost belief in self and, as a result, lost her confidence and willingness to lead a happy and fulfilling life. What Charlotte and I recognized during our vacation week together was that our individual confidence would lead us through the last decades of our lives. And we felt blessed.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Would you describe yourself as a confident person? Do you accept yourself flaws and all? Please join the conversation below!

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You don’t have to be a social butterfly to enjoy life. I am recently widowed and lost my husband couple of years ago. We were together 40 years and joined at the hip. The grief of losing him was profound. I never had a lot of girlfriends, but when he passed away I realised I had to get out and take the reins. After joining social group that promised ‘fun and friendship’, I found that the group was very cliquey, but I made the effort to join in by taking a role in organising outings. I fell ill at the beginning of this year with several serious conditions one after the other. I was alone once more. My family live at the other side of the world. Most of my new fair-weather friends didn’t call me after I was in hospital and dropped off the radar. So, when I got home and started to evaluate my life, I decided that actually, being at home with my own company was satisfying. I do go out and meet a couple of friends for lunch now and then but I am happy in my own company with many and varied interests. I’ve overcome social anxiety and low self esteem and have become the stronger woman I am today. I love wearing bright colours, had my hair cut, get my nails done and I am happy and pleasant with everyone I meet. I also have a great sense of humour. So, if I meet new friends, then great, but I’m learning to love myself. The sun is shining, I am at peace in my home living my best life and in the end that is all that matters.


I enjoyed the article… encouraging & inspirational… thank you.

The Author

Joan Moran is a keynote speaker, commanding the stage with her delightful humor, raw energy, and wealth of life experiences. She is an expert on wellness and is passionate about addressing the problems of mental inertia. A yoga instructor, Joan is the author of her wise and funny memoir, "60, Sex, & Tango, Confessions of a Beatnik Boomer" and "I'm the Boss of Me! Stay Sexy, Smart & Strong At Any Age". Her latest book, a thriller titled “An Accidental Cuban” is now available on Amazon. Check out Joan's website http://www.joanfrancesmoran.com and follow on Twitter @joanfmoran.

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