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4 Crazy Ways We Limit Ourselves When Dating Over 60!

By Sixty and Me December 06, 2018 Dating

The thought of putting yourself out there to begin dating again can be a daunting prospect at any age; however, dating for mature women can be downright terrifying! Dating has changed so much over the past few years – navigating the relatively new world of online dating while dealing with your own apprehensions can put you off trying in the first place.

If you have wanted to figure out how to move past these fears that are holding you back from having a try, you will be fascinated by today’s video with Lisa Copeland.

In today’s Sixty and Me video, Margaret Manning interviews author and dating coach Lisa Copeland to discuss how she helps her clients overcome their dating anxieties.

The 4 Big Fears Of Dating Over 60

Putting yourself out there in an unfamiliar situation can be difficult, but dating for older women can be downright nerve-racking! Believe it or not, most women share common fears when it comes to dating again, and all deliver the same result.

Lisa finds the fears many women have are based on a lack of confidence, and the top four she comes across are:

  • Women believing they are no longer attractive
  • There are no suitable men available to date
  • They feel they are too old
  • Men only want younger women

These fears are what hold women back from dating over 60 and unfortunately, Lisa agrees that it can make it difficult as “Men love women who love who they are.” A lack of confidence and focus on fears will not project self-assurance!

The Power Of Belief

Belief is a powerful tool to have at your disposal. Unfortunately, when it comes to dating after 60, we don’t always manage to keep our self-belief positive! We tend to focus our thinking on having nothing to offer someone rather than on what they have to offer us – Lisa calls this negative thinking “Limiting Beliefs.”

“Limiting beliefs narrow the focus of what we see,” says Lisa – we worry about whether he would like us, instead of seeing the power is in our hands – we should be thinking about whether we would like him! Because of this assumption of rejection, a lot of mature women do not have the courage to date.

Even if you decide to try, the limiting beliefs still cause issues – as Margaret observes, “It is kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy – if you assume you will be rejected, you’ll be rejected.” It creates a cyclical mindset of assumed rejection, so you get a to a point where you never give yourself a chance to be rejected!

A Sinister Side Effect Of Self-Doubt

A lack of confidence may not only scuttle any ideas you have of dating but can also put a dent in your bank account! Lisa has found scammers – online or otherwise – specifically target women with low self-esteem. Changing your attitude may empower you in more ways than one!

The issue stems from women who feel value when a good-looking man pays them attention. As Lisa explains, the attitude is “This guy wrote to me, I’m so special versus I’m really special let me choose who I’ll write with.” Being reliant on a man’s compliments to bolster self-esteem can leave you vulnerable to manipulation and trickery.

Whether or not you feel prepared for dating, make sure you take the time to educate yourself about what to look out for to avoid scammers!

What You Need Vs. What You Think You Need

Most of the time what we think we need is more likely what we want – two very different things! If you list the things you are looking for in a man, no doubt the first things that come to mind are attractiveness, chemistry, and financial security; yet, Lisa finds these things rarely come up when she breaks down what her clients really need.

Lisa believes the first step to successful dating for older women is to create a dating blueprint. Some of the items she addresses when doing this are:

  • To get in touch with the patterns of men you’re attracted to
  • Learn what the deal-breakers are to avoid settling in the future
  • Understand the qualities that are important
  • Come up with 15-20 values he will need to have – if he doesn’t have these, the relationship will not work!
  • Create an “Emotional guidance system” that helps you understand how you want to feel around a man

Instead of sticking to tired, old patterns that obviously haven’t worked stop being attached to an outcome – have fun, and just get to know a guy better before drawing conclusions! You need to get past the narrative you’ve created in your head about what the perfect man is and look at what will really make you happy.

What scares you about dating after 60? Do you find it hard to break old dating habits? Do you agree that confidence is the key to successful dating for older women? Join us for a chat!

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The Author

Sixty and Me is a community of over 500,000 women over 60 founded by Margaret Manning. Our editorial team publishes articles on lifestyle topics including fashion, dating, retirement and money.

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