Tackling the 4 Unsuccessful Dating Habits That Mature Women Develop
Mature women are not that much different than their younger counterparts when it comes to dating. They want to love and be loved. Yet, because they’ve had decades to master the art of dating, they often pick up some bad habits along the way.
Dating Habit #1 – Falling for a Bad Boy
Oh, those bad boys. They make you feel amazing, don’t they? And they have an exciting vibe about them which makes normal nice guys look boring, right?
The problem with falling for a bad boy is he knows how to charm you, but his words are rarely followed up by any kind of action. And that is a problem.
Bad boys are always on the hunt for the next conquest. And they can come back again and again between those conquests convincing you once again with their mastery of using words that they only want you. You forgive them. Things are good again, then they leave again and break your heart.
Nice guys may feel flat to you, but they will be the ones who bring you a glass of wine at the end of a hard day or go to the store and bring you chicken soup when you have a cold. You want a man whose actions follow his words. That man is a keeper for the long haul.
Dating Habit #2 – Thinking You’ll Know He’s “The One” When You Meet Him
First of all, this rarely happens. Yes, you’ll hear stories about women who’ve said they just knew he was The One when they met their husbands.
What you’re not hearing are the stories about women who thought they’d found the one. But then, after some time passed and the chemistry wore off, they found he wasn’t even remotely close to who they wanted to spend the rest of their life with.
This is why you want to take the time to get to know a man, especially if he’s nice and treats you well. And that’s pretty hard to do unless you give him a chance with more dates to see what he has to offer the relationship.
Dating Habit #3 – Falling in Love with a Man’s Potential Versus His Reality
Did you know men fall in love with the real you; quirks and all? But we as women fall in love with a man’s potential and that leads us to trying to mold him into his best self.
One of men’s biggest pet peeves is about women they’ve dated who were always trying to change them whether it was the clothes they wore, the food they ate, or how they did their job.
If you don’t like who a man is, do both of you a favor and let him go. There are other men out there who will be a better match for you just the way they are.
Dating Habit #4 – Looking for Chemistry or Immediate Attraction to Decide if He’s “The One”
This dating habit is the NUMBER 1 HABIT that can keep you from finding the right man to share your heart and life with. You see, instant chemistry is nothing more than the release of oxytocin, also known as the bonding hormone. It feels amazing, and that’s why we look for it.
But the thing is, you can have amazing chemistry with a man who might not be the right man for you. And the bonding hormones keep you from seeing that right away because being near him feels so good. Chemistry also causes you to trust men who might not be so trustable.
As you get to know a man, chemistry can grow, especially when you get clear on how he treats you and whether or not you share the same values in life.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What Dating Habits are you holding onto that are keeping you from finding love after 50? Are there other bad habits that you’ve developed over the years? We would love to hear your stories!
Tags Senior Dating Advice
Many older men are lonely but want a part time relationship only, the “good” parts… travel buddy, sleep together buddy, then back to your separate lives.
I have been widowed for about 9 years. We were married for almost 50 years. We had our ups and downs. I was only 17 and he was almost 22 when we married, so while I was a very responsible 17 year old, I wasn’t fully developed. We had our ups and downs as a result, but we were over all happy nd deeply in love. Now I find myself being ghosted by a man I have dated for over 4 years. It started out as just being a “companion,” because his wife had advanced Alzheimer’s and he was very social with people he knew, going to dinners and trips, and he wanted company. He has money. I never have, so I was awe struck by his seemingly disregard for the cost of a dinner or trip. He began to make comments about growing a relationship, not wanting to lose me, and so on, but I waited and waited for some show of true love. I had feelings for him, but I realize now, it was more sympathy than healthy love. I kept waiting. He would ghost me for a couple of weeks. I texted, asking if he wa okay. Sometimes he would not answer. I called his sister to make sure he was okay. His response is, “I’m going through something.” I understood that he had lost his wife, finally, to the disease. I gave him space. I waited, and waited. Worst of all, I never felt grounded when I was with him. I felt inferior, and he seemed to prefer to keep me off balance by comments he would make and Ponting out my deficiencies, which he called, “wrong perceptions,” which I knew were real, so he gaslighted me. We took a wonderful trip that I enjoyed immensely,
but more with the people we were with than him. Inspire of it, when we got back I thought we had a shot at a future together. He decided he needed his space. I left and other than one or two texts, Iright after I returned to my home, I have not heard from him. That has been nearly 2 months. This, invite of the fact we have two more trips planned. I decided this time that I would not cater to his emotional needs. I have not reached out. He has not responded to my last text, which was very benign, regarding a movie I had seen dn thought he might like. So there it is. No affection. No emotion. No holding me when I found out my dog was lost. Almost no attempt to do the things I enjoy. While I do not feel like I wasted the years, as I learned some things about myself, I now know what is valuable to me. It is not how much money anyone has. It is not a need to be the emotional support person who gets nothing in return. It is not to be silent, except when the person feels like listening to me. I am good enough as I am. Yes, I am happy to try to change irritating behaviors. We all have them, right? However, I am, at the core, who I am. I am a very worthwhile, loyal, trusting, honest, intelligent person with a complicated personality, like most of us, and a willingness to grow with someone who loves me for who I am. Someone who appreciates me for who I am. That’s what I have learned and I am very happy with that.
Hi Cheryl… it sounds like even though the journey with this man wasn’t easy, you’ve learned so much about yourself — and about your worthiness of having a man who loves and values you for who you are. That’s truly awesome. https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/16.0.1/svg/2764.svg
When you’re ready, hold onto that lesson — it will make such a difference in who you choose to welcome into your life next.