People leave our lives all the time. There are so many reasons why they leave, and these losses do have an impact on us, whether or not people pass away, move away or a relationship brakes down.
As we get older, the losses seem to build up rather quickly, and many find it harder and harder to handle. As I write this, two people that were part of my life for the past 30 years have passed away, and another is rapidly losing his battle with cancer.
One of my closest cousins has just had a major disagreement with her sister (also my cousin), so I’m being pressured to take a side or lose them both, not just one. And to top it all off, one of my dearest friends is moving away to be near her grandchildren.
The losses this month are verging on overwhelming. How will I handle it all? And how will I handle what is to come next? It seems that each month is becoming more and more difficult with all the losses I’ve been experiencing.
Being an optimist and a believer in our inner strength, I’ve been working on putting all the loses into perspective. I’ve been discussing this with many friends, family and acquaintances. I’m also discussing this with others who are experiencing similar losses, and also looking for answers.
Through my discussions and analysis, I’ve found that there are 5 things we can do to help deal with losing family and friends.
The most popular advice I’ve received was to acknowledge the loss, and I completely agree. The sooner we accept the loss, the easier it is to begin the healing process. It is also important to admit that it was hard.
Possibly the end dragged on for weeks, or maybe it was sudden. The loss may have been the result of a fight or a move. Regardless of the situation, usually there is no reversal. It will impact your life.
It will be hard to handle the gap in friends/family because some things will never be the same. Acknowledging the loss, even if it is painful, is a good first step in the healing process.
Understanding that there are going to be difficult times ahead allows us to progress. If we live in denial, it will only prolong the pain and may make it harder on us.
For some, change is always a challenge. However, the sooner we accept that difficult times will come, we are better equipped to maneuver around the obstacles ahead. The loss leaves a gap in our lives and we need to work at filling this gap.
By accepting that we are in a difficult situation, we are allowing ourselves to reach out for the support of others and for finding new people to bring into our lives. For example, if the loss was your walking buddy, or the go-to person for health advice, you need to find others for these needs.
You need to be able to get on with your life without guilt. Giving yourself permission to engage in new activities, and even to drop the old ones, does not detach you from the loss even though it may feel that way at first.
As we get older this feeling crops up all the time. We need to value the old, but also not be tied to the past and to people that are no longer with us. Others definitely improve our lives but when they are gone, we need to continue on, and find others that will also make a difference in our lives.
Feeling guilty about being attracted to a new person, or maybe a new interest, is not healthy. By giving ourselves permission to move forward, we are opening the door to new people, new interests and new experiences. This is not something to feel guilty about.
Keep your focus on the good that the person brought to your life, to fight the feelings of loss and detachment. Remember all the ways they improved your life.
Think about how they introduced you to new ideas, new interests and/or new experiences. Cherish the relationship and feel blessed that they were in your life.
Look for ways to celebrate and grow from the relationship. Don’t look back, but look forward with a positive expectation.
Our attitude plays a big role in how we experience life, almost like a self-fulfilling prophesy. We have a much better chance at successfully recovering from a loss, if we believe it.
We grow older, so naturally, we will continue to experience loss. To improve the quality of our emotional life, we really need to prepare ourselves to handle loss in stride.
While we can’t fight or ignore the inevitable, we can find ways to deal with it. By considering the 5 ways to deal with losing friends, we can better roll with the punches of life and improve our lives at the same time. All good!
How have you dealt with the loss of family and friends in recent years? How do you deal with experiences of loss and change in your life? Please share any tips you may have learned along the way.
I once had a good social life. Now I have close to none. What happened?
I feel abandoned.
I’m sorry to read this, Richard, I can understand you, I’m feeling the same right now… It hurts too… Wish both of us and all others who feel the same way, only the best…
I was very seriously hurt in a car accident. The ones I thought would be there for me just weren’t. There were 3 friends that were there for me though …. I’ll forever be grateful for them, however, after years of trying to get my life back, one by one they disappeared. And now I’m 50 ish and not quite sure where to go from here…. I too feel abandoned.