Most women our age can readily tell you which part of their body they are most self-conscious about or feel is their least attractive. For years we were deluged with stories, articles, and advice about how to fix whatever was wrong.
For me, it was my belly. I would read headlines like: “Flatten your belly in 10 days!” “Lose the belly weight,” “How to have a flat stomach,” and “How to dress to hide your belly!” And how many of us read the advice to always “hold-in your stomach”?
But things are changing. As part of being an entrepreneur in my 60s, I have contact with numerous millennials. Many of them are advocates of something they call Body Positivity. It has been a revelation to talk with them about this, so I thought I’d share what I learned with the Sixty and Me community.
Here are a few tenants of body positivity:
I thought about this for a long time and wondered how it would manifest for me, a woman in my 60s, having had a partial mastectomy, and still struggling with feeling good in my own skin. So, I created a list of my top 10 body positivity tips.
Many of us have gone down the negative thought spiral for way too long. Here are five things I suggest you stop doing:
In the past, we heard about photos of models being “air brushed” by the magazine. Today, images are changed in a myriad of ways.
We can no longer assume the images are an accurate portrayal of the person behind the camera. In fact, I think it is better to err on the side of assuming they have been enhanced in some way.
People seem to feel free to make comments and suggestions without being asked. Maybe they think it’s for “your own good.” I have decided I will no longer accept any unwanted advice or criticism. I don’t feel a need to push back. I simply ignore them.
We are often harder on ourselves than anyone else ever might be. I have recently adopted a self-listening practice. When I hear myself say, or even think, a harsh thought, I stop and remind myself to be affirming not harsh.
I buy clothes that fit and complement my body as it is. Do not wait until those extra 10 pounds are off before buying a new dress. Buy the dress now. If it is one size up, so what? Love that dress and rock wearing it.
Do not think you have to tone your arms before you can even think about wearing something sleeveless. Keep working on toning your arms to increase strength and enjoy the accompanying muscle definition, but go sleeveless now.
Again, do some self-monitoring. You might be surprised by how often you are criticizing other women. As you strive to be less self-critical, also strive to be less others-critical. If you are with a group that engages in this kind of critical talk, disengage.
Just don’t participate or change the subject to something more uplifting. If that doesn’t work, either leave the situation or speak up, saying something like, “I try not judge other women’s bodies.”
Eliminating the negative is best done by engaging the positive. Try reframing your mind around these five positive actions:
We are seeing more models in a broader range of sizes. We are also seeing commercials using real women as opposed to professional models.
Women of all sizes have started posting their photos on Instagram, and though sometimes there may be critical or cruel comments, there’s always pushback in support of the brave woman. Patronize companies that have a wide range of sizes available and promote body positivity. Let your dollars reflect your beliefs.
I will never be a size 10 or even 12 again. So what? I can still choose clothing that reflects and celebrates who I am as a woman right now. I no longer avoid colors or prints that might make me look “too big.” I love color and I love prints and have found beautiful pieces in each.
I practice turning statements around. For example, I take, “My belly is too big, nothing looks right on me. No one makes clothes that fit and flatter me.”
Then I turn it around to, “I am curvy in lots of places that can enhance my clothing style and so are many other women. There are plenty of options out there now. I am going to choose outfits that make me look and FEEL good.”
Instead of obsessing about my belly, I am going to celebrate my slim ankles and toned calves and buy some amazing shoes.
I have strong shoulders and a nice neck. I am going to show them off by wearing fitted sleeves and open necklines. I have gorgeous green eyes and will choose outfits that bring out that color.
I have adopted a new practice of speaking up when I see something lovely about another woman. It can be as simple as, “That scarf really complements your outfit.” Or, “I love your dress, you look beautiful.” Or “I love seeing a woman wear a hat with such style.” Or, “That necklace is so unique, how lovely!”
Or, if it is someone I know has been working out, I’d say, “Wow I can really see definition in your arms.” It is interesting to note the woman’s response. Some struggle with accepting the complement and want to brush it off. Some are surprised and pleased. So many return a big smile and just say, “Thank you!”
How do you view your body? Are you critical of your curves and try to mask them? What steps can you take toward being body positive after 60? After all, this is the time to be authentic! Let’s have a conversation!