9 Things I Wish My Married Friends Knew About Being Single Over 60
They say you never know what it’s like to stand in another person’s shoes. This is such a profound and true statement when it comes to the relationship between married and single friends in their 50s, 60s and beyond.
As a dating coach for women over 50, I hear the pain in women’s voices when they talk about their married friends, and the lives they miss being part of. They longingly wish they could share what it’s like to be single and alone at this time in their life without coming across as needy or unhappy.
My hope is that this article opens everyone’s eyes to being more compassionate and aware of what it’s like when life changes, you’re on your own, and no longer part of a couple.
We Need Your Encouragement and Love
We know you mean well when you tell us what a great catch we are and that we’ll be married again before we know it. But when it doesn’t happen right away, we feel like we’re a failure in your eyes.
Instead, we’d love if you could encourage us to go out and date when we’re ready and that you’ll be there to listen when we need a loving ear.
We Need You to Honor Our Choices
Please try and give the men we’re dating a chance. We know it’s hard for you to adjust to us being with someone else, especially when we’ve shared a long history together.
Whether he is in our life for six months or we marry him, if you and your husband could make an effort to get to know this new man, we’d so appreciate it. When you tell us that you don’t need to make new friends, what we hear is, you don’t care about our friendship anymore, and that hurts.
We Need Your Support When It Doesn’t Work Out
Please don’t share you thought a man was bad for us after we’ve broken up with him. Sometimes, even if you didn’t like him, we did. Our hearts are hurting, and we could use support at this time.
We Would Appreciate a Call
If you haven’t heard from us in a while, instead of asking all our common friends if they’ve seen us, give us a call to make sure we’re ok. It would mean a lot to know we’re still on your radar.
We Would Love to Be Included in Parties
Please consider inviting us back to the holiday parties we always enjoyed over the years. We miss connecting with our couple friends, both male and female. We were part of the group a long time and it hurts to be left out.
We Need Your Support in This Time of Change
Please understand we’ve had to experience a lot of change on our own such as downsizing, loss of people in our lives, and suddenly being single after being part of a couple for so many years.
You have a partner to share your emotions with. We are doing it all alone. This is a time we could really use some support.
We Miss the Friendship and Weekly Get-Togethers
We can spend a lot of dinner times on both weekdays and weekends alone, especially if our kids live far away. Let’s do dinner together sometime and bring your husband too. We’re not interested in them in anyway but as a friend, and we miss the friendship all of us shared.
We Appreciate Your Loving Ear
Many of us are strong successful women. We have a tendency to hide the pain we’re feeling and will act as if everything is alright.
Sometimes if we feel close and safe with you, we will dump everything that has been happening in our lives on you because we have no one else to share our thoughts with. We don’t mean to do that, but we are so grateful you let us express what is on our mind.
You Can Lean on Us Too
We so treasure our friendship and we’re here for you too when you need us.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
How do you feel around your married friends? Does it feel awkward to be in the company of a friend who has become single after 50? Why do you think you feel that way? Do you think you can keep an open mind and heart and accept your single friend for who she is now? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
Tags Senior Dating Advice
When I was single a few years back, one of the hardest things for me was not being invited or included in certain get togethers, because I wasnt part of a couple as before. Well at least thats what I sensed was happening. I missed conversations in a mixed group and liked to hear a man’s point of view as well as a womans. I wasnt imagining things when I started to suspect that perhaps some women felt that I was perhaps a bit of a threat? Maybe that wasnt the case in all situations, but I feel some women may have been on shaky ground in their relationships.
Whatever the case, quite often I wasnt included as I used to be, and that made me feel more alone and invisible and yes it hurt. Girlfriends are wonderful, but mixed groups are great too.
I’m 72. Been a widow since I was 51 years old. It was hard at first, being married was what we all were. Then Whammo you’re not. Tried a bit of dating about nine months in-thought a new man would be the answer to ‘my problems’. Meh. A little sex, some attention. It was sort of fun. But at one point not long after the last BF and I said our goodbyes, good luck, I resolved to figure out how to live life on my own. Has served me well. I noticed that some friends/ acquaintances were a bit envious of my freedom. Gave me a chuckle. I DO remember what it was like being married. Hahahaha.
I really don’t get it either. I know the difference between being married and single and I believe it is all about how you are as a person. If you care for your friends single or not you are part of the good things and challenges. I am married.and I have experienced the opposite like… “you have a husband so its all about me.. ” Its all about how you behave in a friendship.
I wish my friends would stop telling me how “lucky” I was that my husband died suddenly in his sleep. I understand many have suffered for a long time with ailing husbands, but the shock of a sudden death is like a trauma and my grieving lasted a good couple of years before I found peace. It is very painful not having had a chance to say goodbye even though I am grateful he did not suffer.
I hear you, Diane. My second husband also died very unexpectedly after we were together only 4 years. It’s devasting! He was only in his mid 50’s and not sick.
Interesting article but it seems to be written from the perspective of women who are widowed or divorced. What about those of us who have never married? I am 64 and never married though I dated a lot (mostly in my 20s, 30s and 40s – not much opportunity in my 50s and 60s). It can be even more difficult for those of us who have never married to be included by our happily married or partnered friends. I have pretty much given up on ever being married but I surely would have loved to have been – and I am especially sad about never having had children. There are a lot of us in this category and we still are sad when overlooked by our married and partnered friends. I do my best to reach out and include them in my activities but it would be so nice if it was more of a two way street.
I also thought the article would have included us never-marrieds. I’m 67 now. My last boyfriend was in 1999, the last century – yikes! I’ve come to terms with it all, learned to accept I’ll probably never be married. I’m a loner and few people accept that. It’s hard to make friends and always feel excluded because a man isn’t by my side. Maybe people think I’m crazy, a serial killer or just not worth getting to know. Still, we like to be included in the lives of the mainstream.