It’s Ok to Be a Butterfly
When I was growing up, I was always a little different. Not weird or strange, just not quite fitting in to any particular box. I thought, When I get older, I will know who I truly am.
My friends at school varied enormously. I was never in the cool, middle or geeky group, but seemed to flit seamlessly between all of them. Whilst more a creative than an academic, I also loved learning, but would be as happy reading Steinbeck as Shakespeare, or Hardy as Hesse.
I would find my niche, I told myself… one day.
My Own Way of Doing Things
As I grew older, I did things my way, not conforming to the expectations that others had of me. I wore what I wanted, when I wanted. I thought, When I reach 40, I will know who I truly am. I will dress in a certain way, have friends who are a certain type.
I loved all different genres of music, when most of my friends preferred one or two. I enjoyed classic, reggae, pop, rock, blues, jazz, opera, Indian sitar. I loved ballet, musical theatre, street theatre, rock concerts, piano concertos, French films. I would spend time in art galleries, marvelling at works of Picasso, Klimt, Dali, then wander home through the streets of London, transfixed by graffiti.
The older I became, the further away from the mould I grew. One day dressing English classic, the next like a hippie. I wore long flowing skirts, smart suits, jeans, leather skirts, scruffy. What was wrong with me?
Truly a Life of My Own Making
As other people matured and settled neatly into their category, I just kept evolving, never really knowing who I was, or finding my place in the world. While longing to find my ‘true’ identity, I stopped wearing bikinis, cut my long blond hair short and tried to stick to a particular style of dress. I was miserable, and I felt less like the real me than ever before.
Now in my 60s, I know exactly who I am. I am a butterfly. Each day I am a new me. I dress how I feel in that moment. I feel more confident than at any time in my life and love being me. I am not waiting for others to say it’s ok any more. I eat pretty much what I want, drink red wine with my meal (I used to live in France!), and never beat myself up anymore… Oh, and I am back to wearing bikinis. 😊
Learning and Growing Every Day
I am open-minded and open-hearted, happy to listen to other people’s points of views at the same time as valuing my own. Being prepared to change preconceived thoughts and ideas is how you grow and learn as a person, and I learn something new every day. I love time spent on my own, but also in a crowd of people, talking effortlessly about anything and everything.
The Butterfly Style
Being a butterfly gives you a little insight into a lot of things. 😊
I fly around all over the place, taking time to smell beautiful flowers. I wander aimlessly through meadows, paddle along beaches and delight in the hustle and bustle of busy towns. I visit churches, cathedrals and monasteries, without clinging to any formal religion. I am seeing life from so many angles, and I am truly grateful to have such diverse and interesting opportunities.
As a writer, I am fortunate enough to be able to write about many things, academic courses in psychology and child development, poems, life stories, children’s books and articles for wonderful people like you to read! Every time I have a comment on an article it still makes me feel incredibly happy and humble.
Whoever you are, you are unique, special and have the right to be whoever you choose. I happen to think you are pretty awesome. 😊
Please Join the Conversation:
Do you see yourself belonging to any particular group of people, or are you a butterfly? Do you dress for others or yourself? Have you changed who you are to fit in with others?
Tags Finding Happiness
I’ve never shared my thoughts on anything on line, but I was so excited to read about your story of being butterfly that I wanted to share mine. English is my second language, so hopefully I can convey my thoughts as accurate as possible.
I’m approaching 70 in this foreign land alone, and started to reflect my life in both my birth country(Japan) and US where I live. I grew up feeling very different from others but I was told to be “just like everybody else” by my mom who knew that I obviously had high IQ(tested at 6th grade), which might have played the role in why I couldn’t relate to others growing up. In my birth country where structured society required us to be a “team player.” Just like everybody else thing….
Now after living in US, I was able to come out of old me and not to worry about what others think of me.
However, my 2 boys I’ve raised on my own have rejected me from their lives with their partners. I was sadden but I realized that they didn’t know who their mom was….so, I’ve moved on.
I’ve been exploring the world of archaeology, which has become my passion, and I’m determined to continue to be Unique Me wherever I chose to be. Thanks for reading!
Hi Yumi, thanks for joining the conversation. Thank you too for choosing my article to be your first :) I think we become the person we are meant to be as we age. Much of the other stuff was parenting, teaching, and other people’s view of who we should be. Now we can truly be ourselves :) Lily x
Hi LauraLee, What a lovely comment to make to Yumi and I completely agree Lily x
OMG! This is the best description of how I felt growing up and as a young woman. I realized that I was a butterfly in my late 20s and have never looked back. My Abuelo always called me “Mariposa” (butterfly) and in my 20s I discovered why!
Hi Dr Joyce, thanks for joining the conversation and your kind words. You discovered your true identity before me :) Lily x
Hello, This struck a note with me, as I read this blog slowly to myself, I realised it was describing how I have felt most of my life, if not all of it. Well, older now, and run the highs and lows of life, I’m content in my butterfly imagination, loving friends and family as they come and go but fluttering in the breeze of my life. Very grateful that I can.
Aye!
Hi Alice, thanks for joining the conversation. We butterflies are very lucky… it just took me a while to find out :) x
I can relate to this. I didn’t fit in either. School was a jump from group to group; I didn’t see the point of being part of a “group.” I never was in my early adulthood either. Just didn’t fit. As I homeschooled my child, I was far from women of the “you should be’s” and the “you need to be’s” and the busy bees for badges of honor. I am who I am. I’m proud to not be of the herd.
Aye!
Hi Ann, thanks for joining the conversation. I love the way you think! Who wants to be part of a one-size-fits all? I am proud not to one of the herd too! Lily x
You’re awesome too! When I was a child, I didn’t feel the need to fit in but being different was a challenge and kids can be cruel. I had migraines at a young age, usually at the end of the week, my mom has told me….even in Catholic schools for 12 years and the military, I embraced being unique and always kept learning….I could conform and spread my wings at the same time. There’s a power in that. I saw it early and felt the good I could create with my compassion and understanding of humanity. It’s never too late…fly!
I think it helped getting into acting and singing in high school though…
Love to hear there are other butterflies out there!
Hi Maria, thank you for joining the conversation. Thank you too for your kind words :) I think you were wise to get in to acting, a place where you can be anyone at all! Being compassionate is one of the most beautiful qualities anyone can have… Lily x