Being “Old” Is When You Think You Are

“I just never thought I was old.” This is the wisdom shared by many older adults over 90. They say they don’t and never have considered themselves to be old. They really do not feel old, so why act that way? I read about a 102-year-old who was indignant that there are few birthday cards available for those over 100. Wouldn’t you love to meet her?

Contrast this with my friend at 70 years who said she has hit her “best if used by date!” This friend is active, younger than I am, and involved in many activities such as golf and book groups. To my knowledge, there is no expiration date stamped on her! When asked, she explained that she expects to decline and to become dependent on help. Thus, she is preparing for that scenario to define her older years. Of course, having a plan seems prudent. Yet, the plan should not define an entire phase of life before it is lived!

The reality is that each of us does have an expiration date. However, it can be found nowhere on our packaging! If we don’t know the number of years ahead, why not choose a perspective that brings us vitality? So, take a moment and reflect on how you talk about age. Do you convey that your expiration date is right around the corner or that age is just a number?

Good Genes or Good Thoughts?

Aging well into our 90s does rely on “good genes” to some degree. It is true that if your parents lived into their 90s, you are likely to do so as well. Still, the latest article I read indicates that our genes only yield a 25% influence to the quality of our aging. The other 75% relates to environment and lifestyle choices. So, it does take both to become a healthy, happy 100-year-old.

The good news then is that we have some influence over how we age. We all know to eat well, exercise, nurture friendships, and find activities that inspire a sense of aliveness. But, how in the world does believing you do not feel old make a difference?

What You Believe Is What You Get

Many of us are aware of Becca Levy’s research showing that positive beliefs about aging can give us an additional 7.5 years of life. At 76, I’d sure rather live to a vibrant 96 than 89. Time flies and I’ll take all I can get.

The pivotal question is what do you really, really, really expect will happen as you age? The 102-year-old incensed about the lack of birthday cards truly did not see herself as old, and so taps into her available vitality. She is not alone among the feisty 90-something women in our world. Assuming decline results in acting in ways that lead to decline, rather than finding ways to live fully adopting what is possible.

What underpins this kind of thinking is not giving any credence to the ageist messaging around us, and certainly not internalizing it. Ideally, ageism is not on our radar. We may not notice ageist input, leading to actions such as the honest indignation at few birthday cards for centenarians. Other responses to ageism include discounting it, and/or refuting by actions any external and internal ageist messages. Buying into ageist expectations about any particular age only serves to perpetuate the rampant ageism around us.

It does not cross my mind to not do something because of my age. I don’t know what being 65 or 75 or 85 means in terms of what is possible because we are all different. If I assume now that I won’t be able to hike at 85, I probably won’t! So, I choose to know that I will hike as long as possible and perhaps for all my days. That is all I can know. I may choose not to do something because it is unpleasant or too difficult to try for me currently, rather than I should not due to ‘my age’. Can you hear the difference?

Probably, the 102-year-old did not run up flights of stairs, climb mountains, or party the night away. Then, you never know! For inspiration, watch the world’s oldest gymnast, Johanna Quaas at 91. These women understand how to do what they can with what they have, see that as enough, and figure out how to do what they decide to do.

Fully Live Each Phase of life

Life is maturation. Every phase of life has its unique value. That includes us. What brings meaning and purpose to life shifts over the years. So, it makes little sense to compare ourselves to earlier phases. Think of young adults learning about their capabilities and how to use them. Think of the 40–60-year-olds hitting their stride as adults. Then, think of those of us 60 and beyond. We have emotional wisdom, probably the best vocabulary of our lives, and creativity. I like to think of us as the stabilizing force in our society.

The point is to value who you really are at your age, whatever number it might be. Then, do what brings you meaning and purpose now in life. More than any other time in our lives, we have the freedom to choose what we bring to the world. Life may include staying active in areas like family, community, helping others, learning, or pursuing hobbies. More and more of us are continuing to contribute professionally in some way. Our focus is on living life rather than on concerns about an impending expiration date.

Personally, I can’t wait to see what the next stage of my life brings. Maybe that will begin in my 80s. In the meantime, let’s make the most of this moment.

Also read, Looking and Feeling Young… Beyond 80!

What About You?

Do you have expectations about what you should or can do at your age? What do you think the future will bring? Is what you believe really what you want for yourself as you get older?