Defining “Old”: Grandson Approved

My 23-year-old grandson and I were recently chatting about the stages of life – one of many much-loved conversations where age meets youthful curiosity. When he asked me at what point someone officially becomes “old,” I paused. Then I offered him this:

“You become old the moment you believe the most important parts of your life are behind you. When you begin to feel irrelevant or as if you have nothing more to offer – that is when old age truly begins.”

“Old” Isn’t a Number

We all know this, don’t we? You might meet an 80-year-old who’s full of life and spark – and a 55-year-old who seems to have given up on joy. Aging isn’t about years; it’s about energy, spirit, and belief.

A Pew Research study found that younger adults think 70 is old. But ask people between 65 and 74? Only 21% of them say they feel old. Among those over 75, it’s just 35%. As someone on the doorstep of 77, I don’t feel old. What about you? Taking it a step further, 60% of centenarians say they don’t feel old, but at least 20 years younger than their age. Can you see the power of a positive mindset?

We’re living longer and, with attention, healthier. Don’t we want to relish all our years by living with community, meaning, and an optimistic outlook?

The Trap of Giving Up

I’ve seen some women in their 50s and 60s start to “act old.” They slide into a vicious cycle: feeling hopeless, neglecting their health, then facing more challenges, which only deepens the sense of defeat. But it’s not inevitable. Some of this may relate to the ageist stereotypes that surround us. Some may relate to a life circumstance where positive support is limited.

Yes, health challenges may come, I know personally. But I’ve seen women face them with resilience, hope, and heart – refusing to let their circumstances suppress their love of life. Those are the women I admire deeply. They remind me that how we respond to life is often more powerful than what life hands us. So, to a degree, conditions don’t need to define us; yet, conditions often change us in some way. Still, we have a choice regarding how we respond in terms of mindset.

My recent example is recovering from shoulder replacement. I had a bit of a surprise – I found that walking two miles was about all I could do once I had the energy to give it a try. I am a hiker with an 8-12-mile range, so I felt a bit dismayed. For heaven’s sake, they operated on my shoulder, not my legs! My point is that I am now up to almost 8 miles, and I plan to keep going until I am back on my game – and that is not letting the challenge convince me I am old and not able.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

In my coaching practice with women over 60, I’ve uncovered a puzzling-to-me mindset: some don’t see the point in striving for vitality or fulfillment as an older woman. Why “strive” for anything, after spending years stiving to be a good daughter, student, employee, parent? If things are “fine,” why stir the pot? Life is good just as it is. Might this be a way of saying that the important part of life is over, or is it something different? I’d love to hear your perspective.

I believe this is a very personal issue; it also merits serious consideration before deciding what approach to the years ahead is right for you. You may have 20-30 years of life ahead. What do you truly want for yourself in those years? Don’t they deserve the same intentionality as the decades that came before?

For some of us, meaning is through serving and growing. For others, it may be grandparenting, traveling, or fitness. For some, it is just to “be.” One woman told me her best days were spent under a cozy afghan, watching the world pass by. And if that genuinely fills her with peace and contentment, then wonderful. But for me, that feels like surrendering to the idea that life no longer has something meaningful to offer – or to ask of me. Then, I know that is my mindset and not hers.

I believe we each hold within us a unique spark that still wants to shine. Even now. Especially now.

Age with Awareness

There can be a difference between the life we’re told we should enjoy – and the life that lights us up. We see images of women playing with grandchildren, traveling, golfing, or living in a retirement community. What if these activities are not for you? Or maybe they are. The real question is: What feels alive for you?

We’ve earned the right to choose not just how we age – but who we become in the process. When we follow what genuinely energizes us, we shift the story – not just for ourselves, but for the generations watching us redefine what’s possible.

What if aging was less about doing what’s expected, and more about doing what stirs your heart?

What if relevance wasn’t defined by productivity, but by authenticity as we age?

I’ve had many cycles of life – and I know more are coming. What wants to be expressed through me today is entirely different from 10 years ago. I suspect what would inspire me in 10 more years will be different yet again. That’s the beauty of aging with awareness. We don’t shrink – we expand. We evolve.

I’d Love to Hear Your Thoughts:

What inspires you now? Do you feel old? Say more about that, you may LOVE it! And what if “old” is just a story we get to rewrite – what is yours?