Treasures and Transitions – Overcoming the Emotional Side of Downsizing

When you reach your 60s, it’s not uncommon to start thinking about downsizing. The kids are usually gone or nearly gone, and the home that once housed many is now just for you and your spouse, or perhaps just you.

Regardless, it can often feel like too much space and too much stuff in that space. Hence downsizing.

But how do you pare down things that represent a lifetime of memories?

Between the kid’s old artwork and the accumulation of furniture and tchotchkes, it can be overwhelming. And that’s not even considering the home itself.

How do you leave a place where your child took their first steps, anniversaries and birthdays were celebrated, pets were loved, etc.?

It’s not easy, even if it’s necessary.

The downside of downsizing isn’t really the physical process of getting rid of things and moving to a smaller home. For many, especially for women, downsizing is a highly emotional journey layered with nostalgia, a sense of loss, the pain of closing chapters of life, and the possible excitement of beginning new ones.

It can feel like you’re losing part of your identity.

Understanding The Emotional Weight of Downsizing

For most of us, a home is more than a physical space. It’s the vessel that holds a lifetime of memories.

When you reach a point in life when that home is no longer practical for your needs and you have possessions you need to let go, that process can trigger feelings of grief and mourning.

In fact, an array of emotions can be triggered when you downsize.

Sadness

Sorting through decades of accumulated possessions can unleash a flood of memories. While many of these may be happy, others may remind you of loved ones you’ve lost along the way or challenging times.

Either way, it can seem like these memories create a neon sign in the back of your mind flashing, “ENDING.”

Endings are hard for most of us, even if the new beginning on the other side is positive. So, sadness and feelings of nostalgia are normal when downsizing.

Anxiety

Change generally creates anxiety in a lot of people. Sometimes this anxiety is a form of excitement and anticipation, but often it’s accompanied by fear of the unknown.

Downsizing means adapting to a new environment, routine, and possibly a new community. This level of change can feel overwhelming. So overwhelming in fact, that it can create avoidance behavior and make the process even more difficult.

Guilt or Shame

When you downsize, you let go of possessions. It may not be a big deal to get rid of some vases or clothes you don’t wear, but it can be extremely difficult to do the same with family heirlooms or items that have special memories attached.

The desire or need to part with some of these items can cause many women in particular to feel deep guilt or shame, even if those items no longer serve a purpose in their lives.

Feeling excited about the new experiences, on the other hand, can also cause emotional knots. When you’re downsizing and looking forward to the next chapter it can feel like a betrayal of your past and the life you created. How can you be excited when you’re leaving so much behind?

Give yourself some grace in this case and know that it’s okay to mourn what you’re leaving, while also being excited about what’s coming.

Understanding and acknowledging these feelings is the first step toward processing them.

Tips for Successfully Letting Go with Less Pain

While downsizing is almost always emotional, it doesn’t have to be torturous.

Consider the following tips for making the downsizing process meaningful and as painless as possible.

Start Early If Possible

Most of us will reach a point when downsizing makes sense. If you haven’t reached that point yet, or if you have and you just haven’t started, take advantage of the time you have and start early.

Going through things little by little without pressure can lessen the emotional impact.

Take Your Time

Again, if you have time on your side, give yourself permission to sort through things leisurely and tackle areas one at a time.

Note: This is an area where procrastination can really come back to bite you. Downsizing is an emotional and physical process and feeling rushed and under pressure will amplify stress and emotions.

Create Categories and Prioritize Them

A particularly beneficial strategy is to create categories to place items as you sort them. These will vary from person to person, but some examples are practical and purposeful, things with crucial sentimental value, and things that bring you joy (nod to Marie Kondo).

If something doesn’t fall clearly into one of your predetermined categories, consider donating, gifting, or selling it.

Note: This is a good time to think about family and friends who may have admired or valued certain things and begin passing them on. Watching them enjoy these special items from you can bring you both joy.

Involve Family and Friends

As mentioned above, involving family and friends in the process of sorting through things can provide an opportunity to share memories and provide oral histories and context. This will make the whole process more meaningful and less lonely.

Keep Looking Forward, Not Just Backward

Although the process of downsizing can keep your focus on the past and what you’re leaving behind, try to stop and look forward as well.

Often, downsizing has perks like less maintenance and responsibility, an opportunity to travel more, greater proximity to loved ones, or just a newfound sense of freedom.

Approaching downsizing with patience, intentionality, and an open attitude toward the future can reduce stress and set the stage for your next chapter.

New Chapter Can Mean New You

Once things have been sorted, gifted, or donated, and your move to a new space is complete (if your downsizing includes that step), the emotional work of adapting to this new chapter begins.

Know that ignoring feelings of loss or sadness doesn’t work. So, if that’s what you’re feeling, acknowledge it and let yourself mourn. This is a good time to journal about your thoughts and feelings. But then work to move on.

This new stage of life can be an opportunity for personal growth and reinvention. Embracing this idea will help you move forward in the most positive manner.

Make this transition a catalyst for new experiences.

• Try new hobbies or dedicate more time to old ones
• Join new groups or take classes
• Host get-togethers like book clubs, movie nights, or themed dinner parties
• Begin a new exercise routine

These are just a few ways you can make downsizing a springboard into a new, positive life and reinvent yourself.

However, if you’re really struggling and that neon sign in the back of your mind won’t turn off, it may be a good idea to speak with a counselor. There can be times for all of us when our journey requires a helping hand.

But remember, through it all, a house and possessions are just a backdrop to your life. The memories, love, and sense of self you carry with you are what truly matters. And those are things that should never get downsized.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

If you’ve already downsized, please share what that was like. Do you need to downsize but are feeling stuck? Got any helpful strategies to pass along? Please share and join the conversation.