Are You Falling in Love, or Chasing a Feeling?

In the intricate dance of romance, it’s easy to get swept away by the whirlwind of emotions. Your heart races, you feel butterflies flutter, and your mind becomes consumed with the intoxicating allure of him. But are you falling in love with him, or are you in love with the feeling of being loved and in love?

Yes, at this stage of life, relationships move along faster than they do when you’re 30. But how fast is too fast? Studies show that at any age it still takes approximately 100 hours to get past the date-face and start to get to know the real person, and 200 hours to fall in love. So let’s talk about the pitfalls of moving too fast.

Halo Effect

The halo effect is that glow that makes you believe that because you like some things about him, you like all things about him, and he’s your perfect man. Shared experiences and chemistry can trick you into believing that you are more aligned with someone that you truly are. This can lead to overlooking crucial aspects of compatibility such as values, goals, and long-term aspirations.

You Tend to Overlook the Red Flags

Getting caught up in the thrill of emotion can blind you to red flags. Because you’re experiencing such a rush of excitement you may brush aside behavior or characteristics that are incompatible or even harmful in the long run. Do negotiations happen in healthy relationships? Absolutely. But there is a difference between creating workarounds in a healthy relationship where there is give and take, and ignoring something that you can’t live with long term.

Is it Love or Lust?

Feelings of infatuation and passion can be intense. But if they’re too intense they can also be fleeting. True love is what remains after the butterflies fade. Without a solid foundation built on mutual respect, trust, and emotional intimacy, the flames of passion will quickly fizzle out and you’ll wonder why you liked him so much in the first place.

Yes, it’s electrifying to feel that sizzle when you first meet someone. However, don’t confuse lust with love. Lust will keep you happy for a day, but if long-term love is what you are looking for, chasing the feeling will always leave you feeling wanting more.

Lack of True Emotional Intimacy

True emotional intimacy requires vulnerability and openness. These qualities are often overlooked when you’re simply responding to feelings and it’s difficult to make a real emotional connection without them. Emotional intimacy simply takes time. It’s not a question of whether he’s someone you feel safe with, it’s a matter of logistics. It’s having the necessary time to discuss the deeper, more intimate topics in your life.

Unrealistic Expectations

When you chase feelings, it’s easy to idealize your partner and expect him to fulfill all your emotional needs because in your heart, he’s the perfect man. No one is perfect and when you begin to see the real him, unfortunately you may be disappointed. Perception doesn’t always match reality.

Healthy relationships require acceptance, compromise, and a recognition of each other’s flaws and imperfections. You need to know each other so you can determine if his flaws and imperfections are something you can accept long-term.

Incompatible Romantic Goals

Chasing feelings often leads to mismatched long-term romantic goals. What initially seemed like a perfect match may later reveal significant differences in what each of you are looking for. You may find yourself with someone you thought was interested in a long-term relationship, when really, he is more interested in a sexual companion.

Chemistry can play tricks on you if you’re not careful. I’m not saying sex is a bad thing, it’s just hurtful if you go into a relationship thinking that you’re moving in the direction of building a life together then discover that he’s not interested in that at all.

You’ve Wasted Valuable Time

If you commit to a man too soon because the chemistry is off the chart, you’ll find yourself moving on time after time. And every day you spend with him is one less day you have to search for your true someone special. Even if you are the one to break things off, even if you didn’t fall in love with him; it still takes a little bit of time for your heart to mend. Your heartbreak isn’t so much about the man as it is about the feeling of being his someone special. You miss that most of all.

It’s hard to slow things down when you’re feeling that amazing connection. That’s a beautiful first step in creating a healthy, loving relationship. But it’s only the beginning. True love comes once you know him. If you can love him at his best and at his worst, you know it’s safe to commit your heart to him.

If you find yourself falling in love too quickly and don’t know how to create a more sophisticated dating style so you don’t get hurt or waste time, check out my blog for more info, or get on the wait list for my full-length Iron Tiara Masterclass, How to Find Love over 50 Without Losing Yourself. It’s coming again soon, and you’ll be among the first to be invited.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

How do you know when it’s time to commit to a man and become exclusive?