5 Things Men Don’t Want to Hear About on a First Date
Maybe these will surprise you. Maybe not. But as a top dating coach, I hear a lot of stories from my male clients. Please pay attention as they make up half of the people I work with on a weekly basis. Before you think I’m singling out the audience of Sixty and Me, keep in mind that these are valid things to consider in your own dating behavior. Also, stay tuned for my next article, which will be about things that drive women crazy about dating – online or in real life.
So, what is a first date meant to be? Only a chance to see if you’d like a second date, not a therapy session. A first date is meant to be light, fun and see if you have a bit of chemistry and topics in common with the person you’re meeting.
About 50% of men and women follow these “rules.” But the other half, oh my!
So, let’s get on with what men never want to hear on the first date:
Why You Have Split Up (Got Divorced) and in Particular, Who Initiated It
Think of it this way. You are meeting someone for the first time, probably over lunch or a coffee. Why would you ask this question? A first date is much like a networking event; would you ask such a question in that setting? Hopefully, no. Why would you care at this point?
Now, the question of divorce/separation can become much more relevant after 4 or 5 dates, but certainly not beforehand. This is a big first date no-no and a 100% guarantee you won’t be seeing a 2nd date with this person.
If there is mutual interest, you will learn more about each other over time, so exercise some patience.
Read more: 10 Online Dating Tips for Women to Nail That First Impression.
Complaining About… Anything
Remember, a negative attitude drains; a positive attitude energizes.
Complaining, in any form, about anything, will not bring about the positive outcome you’re hoping for. Here are some examples from the past week.
Example 1: Complaints as Excuses
Michael, 64, from NYC, met Lana for a lunch date. She walked in 10 minutes late and complained about her Uber driver and how the rain had ruined her hair. The date went downhill from there – she proceeded to tell him about her arrogant boss and that she was thinking of changing jobs/careers.
What were his thoughts? He shared this: “She will be a nightmare to be in a relationship with,” and he’s one of the most positive guys I’ve had the pleasure of working with. Even Lana’s good looks could not overcome her personality!
Example 2: Complaining of Your Date
Ok, here’s another one for the books! Tim, 68, from Boca Raton, FL, met Annaliese for a drink. She immediately said she was famished, and did he mind dinner too? (Yes, he did as he just wanted to grab a drink and perhaps an appetizer and go to his grandson’s soccer game after.)
He voiced he had another commitment afterwards, and guess what she said? “Well, then, I hope you are at least paying for this date as it took me over an hour to get ready.” Being rude will not gain you any points. And, by the way, I’ve come to realize that men don’t care how long it takes you to get ready.
Physical Ailments
You have upcoming dental surgery, have an upcoming knee replacement or just got over a bad flu? Do not share anything about your physical condition. You don’t want to sound like a hypochondriac, do you?
A Political Rant
I wouldn’t touch this with a 10-foot pole. Isn’t our country divisive enough as it is? Why would you want to start a fresh relationship and encounter a person over this topic? Yes, you may feel strongly about this and this, and it is your right. It just does not show you in the most positive light.
Please note, I didn’t say a gentle conversation about the country’s state of affairs – I said a political rant! You’d just come across as angry, and it’s not an appropriate conversation for a first meeting.
Problems with Children/Family Relationship Conflicts
I think we’ll just call this oversharing and inappropriate. This happened to Steve, a 71-year-old man from Boston, meeting Tanya for the first time last Monday. She shared how upset she was that her 43-year-old daughter had cut her out of her life and then went on to tell him why. Steve told me afterward, “Thank God it was coffee and I was out of there in 30 minutes.”
He called me Friday afternoon to tell me about Karina, 69 – the antithesis of Tanya – who was light and laughter. They made plans to play disk golf tomorrow, and he was excited.
The Question of “No Good Men Left”
One more thing I must address: are there good men out there in the online world? You bet – I meet them every week same as my female clients. So, take ownership of your dating life and if you are not meeting the quality of men you’d like, perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate how you are going about dating, the right online dating sites, the right photos… and the right attitude!
The section below is added by Sixty and Me.
What Men DO Want to Hear on a First Date
While there are certainly topics men prefer to avoid on a first date, there are also things they do appreciate hearing. A great first date conversation is all about creating a comfortable atmosphere and building a genuine connection. Here are some conversation starters that are sure to leave a positive impression:
Your Hobbies and Passions
Men love to hear about your interests and what excites you. Whether it’s painting, hiking, reading, or gardening, sharing your passions helps them understand who you are and what you enjoy in life. Enthusiasm is contagious, so talk about what lights you up!
Travel Adventures
Travel stories are always a great icebreaker. Discuss places you’ve visited, your dream destinations, and any memorable experiences abroad. Sharing travel dreams or funny anecdotes from your trips can make the conversation feel more relaxed and adventurous.
Funny Stories and Light Humor
A little humor goes a long way. Sharing a funny, light-hearted story (perhaps from work, a night out with friends, or a travel mishap) can break the ice and show that you don’t take yourself too seriously. Men often appreciate a woman who can laugh at herself and enjoy the moment.
Shared Interests
If you know something about the man’s hobbies or preferences (based on your profile or previous conversations), bring them up casually. Whether it’s a love for a certain sport, movies, or music, discussing mutual interests helps build instant rapport.
Curiosity About His Life
Men appreciate a woman who shows genuine interest in their lives as well. Ask about his career, family, or passions, but keep it light and avoid prying too deeply. Men like feeling listened to and valued for who they are, not just for what they can offer.
Positive Outlook on Life
A positive attitude is always a winner. Men are often drawn to women who are optimistic and open-minded. Share your thoughts on the future, your goals, or simply the small joys you look forward to. A hopeful outlook can create a warm and inviting atmosphere on a first date.
Compliments (Genuine Ones)
Men, like anyone, enjoy genuine compliments. Praise his sense of style, his humor, or his smile. Compliments should feel sincere and not overdone. A simple, heartfelt acknowledgment can make him feel appreciated without feeling uncomfortable.
Talk About What You’re Looking For
Being upfront about your dating intentions can be refreshing. If you’re looking for something serious, casual, or just to meet new people, it’s fine to mention it in a relaxed, non-pressure way. Honesty early on can help both of you align your expectations for the future.
By focusing on light, engaging topics that allow both of you to get to know each other, you’ll set the stage for a fun and meaningful first date. Just remember to keep it balanced, be yourself, and enjoy the experience.
Happy Dating!
Read more: 10 Unattractive Dating Traits You Need to Avoid.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
What do you share on a first date? Do you keep the conversation light and fun? Have you blundered by raising any of the above mentioned topics?
Tags Senior Dating Sites
the title of this article is quite insulting and the article even more.
At 60 plus years old who cares what men want or don’t want to hear? If you flipping enjoy someone company and it is vice versa then great….
Please do not tell wise, strong older women what we should be talking about to please a man.
It is our time to please ourselves…
I’m think women don’t want to hear about this either on a date.
Yikes! I complained about my marriage, I’ve complained about my left knee arthroscopy, I’ve complained about my psycho landlady, I’ve complained that I despise the city that I live in (and where my dates live!!!). Oh, well, back to the drawing board! Thanks :)
I relocated to a new area – some 500 miles away. Never once mentioned my former spouse or his name. I got rid of just about everything I had during that 28 year empty marriage.
Every 6-8 weeks I would fly to visit one of my adult children who had also relocated. The suitcase was always packed.
Fortunately, one of my kids relocated to an area where I have vacationed over the years. Long winter, snowy (I’ve written about them recently on this site). We have 4-5 fabulous months. Maybe at some point, I will winter elsewhere. Trying to figure out a good place for a single, older snowbird.
I don’t date anymore by design. Never liked dating as a teen. Should I meet someone I enjoy I might spend time with them. No expectations. I am living my best life – with myself.
I just dated a widower, she has been gone 8 years and it was like the funeral was yesterday, even whipped out a picture of her and declared “here’s my girl”. I cannot compete with a ghost nor do I want to. He went on ad nauseum about his wants and needs, touch, kiss, cuddle, all about him and that he wanted to be “cherished” on and on. He then said he will not be pursuing me, I didn’t float his boat, he didn’t get excited about the thought of seeing me. A week later he sends a text asking how my week was going I had one action “BLOCK” Some men have no clue.
charmee, yikes. Aren’t you glad he told you right away all you needed to know? I went out with a lawyer who picked a very expensive place to lunch. Immediately, he told me all about his divorce. I sensed not only was he cheap financially, he was cheap of the heart. He handed me the bill, told me what my half was with a tip. I got up, put my coat on. Left the bill on his plate to his bewildered face and said, “You invited me. You have spent the last 30 minutes talking about yourself. I do wish you well.” And sashayed myself out the door.