If you are at the beginning of your senior dating journey, you probably have several questions. How can I write a great profile? Where are all the good men my age? Am I ready to deal with the emotions that will inevitably come as I get back into the dating game?
I’d like to tackle the first of these questions – how to write an amazing senior dating profile that get’s you the attention that you deserve.
One of my personal missions is to convince women my age that they do not need to be invisible. Gone are the days when “aging gracefully” was the only appropriate option for people our age. Baby boomers today are redefining life after 60 and setting an example for future generations. We are pursuing our passions, exploring the world and looking for new relationships of all kinds.
Since many women in the community are looking for a romantic relationship, I decided to write a series of senior dating tips, based on my conversations with our members. This first article will cover the first thing that most people see when they find you on any relationship-focused website – your profile.
Before you even start writing your dating profile, it makes sense to know what you are looking for. This could be as simple as writing down a list of the characteristics that you are looking for in a partner. Or, you could even come up with a name for your mystery man or woman and keep them in your mind when you write your profile.
During this phase, it’s also important to give your expectations a reality check. Many of our dating preferences are formed in our 20s and 30s and, as a result, we may still think that we need to find someone physically stunning or wealthy to be happy. The truth is that senior dating requires compromise in both directions.
Few men are going to look like Georgy Clooney and few women are going to look like Jane Seymour. So, try to focus on characteristics that really make a difference – like personality, character, values, and passions.
Once you have a good picture in your mind of the kind of person that you are looking for, get ready to tell your story.
The best way to write a dating profile that nobody pays attention to is to list what you like to do, or, even worse, what you are NOT looking for in a partner. The best dating profiles tell a story. They paint a picture of a unique person, with passions, experience and an abundant personality.
Try to write your profile as if you were talking to a friend. Don’t list what you like to do. Tell stories about the places that you have been and what they taught you.
Get excited about your passions and don’t be afraid to stand out. After 60 years on this planet, you can do better than “I like walks on the beach.”
One of the biggest mistakes that people make when they start dating after 60 is lying about their age or using a misleading picture. Don’t fall into this trap. Hiding who you are hurts you in two important ways. First, your partner is going to meet you eventually. When they do, they will immediately compare you to your younger doppelgänger. Worse, they will know that you were dishonest, ruining any chance for a good start to your relationship.
The second, and perhaps more important, reason that lying hurts your chances is that it prevents you from being proud of who you are. If your partner wants a younger man or woman, and they think that they can find them, no problem! There are plenty of sites for them. But, if they are looking for someone with life experience, passion, honesty and wisdom, they need look no farther than you.
Having written hundreds of articles over the last few years, I can tell you that people get bored easily. Writing a dating profile is no different than writing a poem, an article or a book – you need to catch the reader’s attention and keep it.
As you are writing your dating profile, use questions and mental images to keep your reader engaged. Tell stories that hint at mysterious possibilities. Ask questions that your ideal man or woman would find fascinating. Speaking of fascinating, if you really want to learn how to capture someone’s attention, in person or in print, check out Sally Hogshead’s excellent book, Fascinate.
Another comment mistake that people make when writing their dating profile is to list the activities that they enjoy without giving any context. Instead of saying that you like hiking, talk about the time that you climbed Machu Picchu and camped under the stars.
Some people are afraid to be too bold in their dating profiles. They think that they will turn people away if they don’t conform to what is “normal.” Nothing could be further from the truth! Talk about the experiences that have made your life unique. Be genuine and embrace what makes you a little quirky or different. You may not appeal to everyone, but, you don’t need to. You just need to appeal to someone special, like you.
Is there anyone out there who still says that they like “reading books” and “watching movies?” You’d be surprised! Once you have finished a first draft of your profile, edit it for wishy-washy language and clichés.
When you find yourself talking in generalities, look for a specific example, or, even better, a story.
Finding one or more clichés in your dating profile is a sure sign that you need to relax and open up about yourself.
Writing about yourself is hard. Are you being too humble? Or, are you bragging too much? Are you getting to the heart of who you are? Or, are you saying what you think other people want to hear? This is where a good friend is invaluable.
Ask one or more friends what they appreciate most about you. Get a friend of the opposite sex to read your profile and give you an honest opinion.
You may find out that the things that others find most fascinating about you are things that you never even considered.
If you have been out of the dating game for a while, putting yourself out there is a big step. The good news is that there are plenty of tools to make this process easy and fun. All you need to do is take the first step.
Do you agree or disagree with the tips in this article for writing an effective senior dating profile? Why or why not? What other advice would you give to a friend who is thinking about senior dating? Please join the discussion.
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