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8 Common Dating Mistakes Women Make Online

By Andrea McGinty June 02, 2023 Dating

As a dating coach with experience of over 25 years, I have heard and seen quite a bit.

When Carol, 67, an architect in Texas, came to me last month, she asked me why she hadn’t yet met The One yet, despite being online for a year.

  • Issue #1: Each man she had met in the last 6 months, she thought was The One – after the first date!
  • Issue #2: She so much wanted to find love, she told me she was falling in love after each first date.

Carol is a positive, smart lady – and I could go on and on with more she shared about her first dates, but falling in love after or during the first date? Uh-Uh. No way. That’s Hallmark movie stuff. Or desperation. Or many more adjectives.

So, let’s just jump in and talk about the mistakes women make when dating online:

Looking for a Perfect Partner

Often, when I am online working with a client, and we’re looking together at potential online dates, they find something wrong with every single man. He’s an inch too short, he rides horses, his hair is receding, she doesn’t like photo #5 he posted…

My solution? Rarely do you look at someone online (come on, it’s a photo and a written dating profile) and say, “Wow, there’s a 95% chance I’m going to (like) love him.” No, it’s the ones you are on the fence with – the 50/50’s – that sometimes turn into great first dates!

Talking About Medical Issues

Yes, people do that, but still can’t comprehend the why of it. Unless you are showing up with an arm cast from a pickleball incident, there’s absolutely no reason to talk about your health past. Remember, this is to be fun date, not a medical consult.

Pretend Interest in Things You Have Zero Interest in

Lauren, 59, went on a date last week with Jerry, whom she liked. He had just gotten back from a golf trip to Scotland and was super excited talking about it. She told him she loved golf and was thinking of taking lessons. He texted for a second date – and she texted me in a tizzy: “Andrea, how am I getting out of this golf thing? I hate golf.”

Trying to Change Him

Do you want him to change you? Like my daughter’s first grade teacher said about lunch, “You git what you git and you don’t throw a fit.” If you really like him, why would you want to change him? Carmen told me she wished he was more outgoing. You can’t do a darn thing about that. I always say the only thing you can change is some of their clothing!

Trusting Too Fast

Trust takes time. You don’t even know him yet, and we try to put our best foot forward on the first date. Trust is not about words, but actions. Does he call when he says he’ll call? He mentions planning something for July 4 weekend. Does he come through? Those are actions that inspire trust.

Too Many Drinks

Trina gets nervous on first dates. So, she pre-games with a cocktail. On her last date, she had three glasses of wine. You don’t want to be sloppy, so come up with a better way to deal with nerves on a first date. I think my idea is better – just go on lots of first dates and your confidence level will skyrocket.

Inviting Him Over Too Soon

Most likely, a second date is too soon to invite a man over to your house. That is, unless that date is a party at your home. A second date invitation, cooking him dinner is too much, too soon 99% of the time.

Not Being Positive

Your attitude on a first date should aim to charm, so be positive. This means no bashing an ex, bashing the dating site you are on, complaining about the weather or anything similar. Negativity is a major turn-off.

Bonus Tip: Be gracious! Thank you is a big turn-on.

Happy Dating!

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you get nervous before a first date? How do you deal with your nerves? How many dates would you go on before inviting a man to your home for dinner? Have you ever successfully “changed” a man? Do you think mood matters on a first date?

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i’m 61. i don’t enjoy ‘dating’, but i do enjoy finding people with like interests. sadly, my interests are adjusting as my capabilities adjust, so table games are about the only interactive thing i can think of. i walk slow. movies are a shared experience, but not very interactive. i have a few friends, but i use dating sites on the off-chance i’ll find someone to just pal around with. been married 3 times (i guess i’m not that good at it – lol), and i have all the kids i want. my physical drives are taken care of by me, so there’s no hurry to ‘scratch an itch’. i don’t need the security of someone else’s income. 

friends first? friends is top-end for me anymore; i don’t have the time, energy, and resources to regroup from a scammer or a player. and i find that i’m much more generous with my tolerance with friends. i think my expectation of someone in my more personal space is too high – always has been. since i’m happy with myself, i only search for friends online.

good luck to each of you in finding what’s perfect to enhance your lives.

The Author

Andrea McGinty is the founder of It’s Just Lunch dating service. She sold it and founded so she could help singles navigating online dating. In the 2020s, she knows the best way to meet people is through online dating using a professional coach and specializes in singles in their 50s-70s!

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