Have You Ever Put Yourself First?

Like many women our age, for decades, I’d given everything I had to my family: raising children, helping to raise grandchildren, attending to countless medical issues facing both my aging parents, and supporting my husband through his long and stressful career. Don’t get me wrong – I adore my family. They are a perpetual source of strength, joy, and love. In a heartbeat, I would happily choose to live that life all over again.

Last Hurrah

But, as my fourth and final quarter of life came upon me, I know I needed two things:

1. a massive life change; and
2. a dedicated writing space all my own.

And, I knew, in order to accomplish those two changes, I had to put myself first.

Life, So Far

My husband, Rick, and I have been blessed. We lived and raised our kids in a nurturing, comfortable and safe neighbourhood; not unlike those of the ’50s. Then, 46 years into our marriage, our adult kids long moved out of the house, Rick, our two little dogs, and I, were left living in a house that was too big for us. It was time to bite the bullet, time to leave, sell, move on.

My husband did not agree with me. He wanted to stay put. He loved our home and our street and our neighbours. I loved it all too, but I couldn’t stem the tidal wave of change dominating my every thought. After months of persuasion, and several heated “discussions,” Rick finally gave in and consented to look at some houses with me.

The Beginning

Within several weeks, we found the small, walk-out bungalow we were searching for – or should I say, I was searching for. We made an offer. It was accepted. Our home went on the market and sold the first day, leaving a very short window for sorting, packing, and moving. I admit, I had no idea of what was to come.

The Enormous Cleanse

Realization of the impending move hit Rick pretty hard. Luckily for me, things were moving forward rapidly and there wasn’t much time for ruminating. A lifetime of marriage, three children and two grandchildren left us dealing with an abundance of accumulation.

We were neither pack rats nor were we hoarders, but, over the years, we still had amassed so much stuff… more stuff than I had ever imagined. But we dug in, keeping only what was important. As the chaos of the cleanse drew to a close, overwhelmed and exhausted, my husband heard me cry, “We’re never moving again!”

The Move

We hired a professional to paint the interior of the new house. Best decision ever. For the first time in our marriage, we hired movers. Second best decision ever. On moving day, we cleaned one section of the new house at a time, and then the movers placed the large furniture.

Boxes had been marked and left in the corresponding room. The kitchen was cleaned, unpacked and sorted in one day! So gratifying. Rick, caught up in the swirling winds of change, was amenable from moving day forward. I’m ever so grateful to him for that.

Discovering Bliss

On the walkout level of our new bungalow, was a freshly painted bedroom. It boasted a large window facing the backyard. I could see the Alberta oak trees and the poplar trees and the lilac bushes.

I could watch red-winged blackbirds and northern flickers and chickadees flit and fly from branch to branch. In the forested area just beyond the backyard fence, there was a walking path lined with a freshwater spring. When the window slid open, I could hear it bubbling and gurgling its way downhill.

I could hear the voices of children playing with friends or walking home from school. I could hear the unmistakable squawk of the blue jay looking for its mate. Moving in a desk, filing cabinet, bookcase and shelving, I was all set. I had found the dedicated writing space, all my own.

Was It the Right Decision?

Rick is settled in our new home. He was afraid his memories of our kids and our grandkids were wrapped up in the home we left behind. But they weren’t. Our memories live in both our hearts and our minds; they will be carried there for the rest of our lives.

This move, a massive change, a clean slate, a fresh start, was truly good for the soul. I knew putting myself first in this instance was the only thing to do. We’re looking forward to celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary, and making brand new memories in our sweet, little home.

Questions for Reflection:

Have you ever put yourself first? If so, what was the result? Are you craving a big change? Does your life meet your expectations?