Is Your Fear of Getting Hurt Preventing You from Living Your Dreams After 60?
Women over 60 are a resilient lot. We’ve had to be. Throughout our lives we have battled discrimination in the workplace and crayons on the walls at home. We have loved and lost. We have followed our dreams and encountered more than our fair share of nightmares. Now, as we reach our 60s, despite our natural resiliency some of us feel a bit battered and bruised by life.
The problem is, of course, not that we carry painful memories with us – this is just a part of life. The trouble comes when we allow our fear of getting hurt prevent us from living our dreams.
For example, many women that I talk to have encountered so many of the wrong kind of men that they have lost faith that “good men” even exist. Others have tried so many diets that they believe that their weight is just something that they need to deal with. Still others are so afraid of failing that they are unwilling to take the steps to make a little extra money in retirement by starting a business or being a freelancer.
Martha Rays once said “Don’t give up on the search for happiness because you are afraid of getting hurt.” I agree with Martha and I believe that this is one of the main issues facing women over 60 today. We are ending one phase of our life and beginning another. Unlike previous generations, we likely have decades of healthy life ahead of us. How we choose to spend the time that we have is everything. But, in order to get the most from life after 60, we need to be willing to get hurt.
I’d love to hear what you have to say about this. Please answer the following questions and don’t forget to “like” and share this article to keep the conversation going.
What is your greatest fear? What would you do with your life after 60 if you knew that you could not fail? Please join the conversation and reply to at least one other person to keep the discussion going!
Tags Finding Happiness
I need to decide where to live. I moved a lot in childhood and adulthood so don’t have any “home”. Then when I divorced, couldn’t afford the place I was living and loved (in Los Angeles), put all in storage then wasted two years of my life downsizing and cleaning out my unappreciative and abusive mother’s 45 year hoarded home with no help from siblings in better shape than me to help.
I’m terrified I’ll pick the incorrect place. Plus so much has changed in the U.S., I no longer feel safe in most places. In my years downsizing my mother in a suburb in a state I never lived and since then, I’ve learned that most women my age don’t have room in their lives for a new friend – especially an unmarried one without children who isn’t from where they live and who lived an somewhat unconventional life for a woman of my age (working in male dominated professional careers). I don’t want to live where I can’t make a friend or where I am “othered” because I’m different.
I’d go to the EU but my relatives came one generation too soon to get legal status. Any ideas anyone? Thank you, if so. My fear of moving to the wrong place is overwhelming but my time is running out.
I’ve been divorced three times. I no longer call these failures. I call them learning experiences. From each one I learned what I will no longer tolerate. I learned what I want from life and I’m going after it. I’ve learned that $30 a month in a savings account doesn’t add up to a lot but the end of six months I can afford a hotel room and a couple of good meals in a city I’ve never been to, but drove to. Do something for yourself because no one else will. We don’t get a do over in this life to start at the beginning so we have to decide how we spend our last third of life. Do something for yourself. If you’re single lean into it. If you’re married, you can still lean into it just ask your spouse if they want to go. If they come back and say no go anyway. 60 and me has allowed me to think outside my proverbial box. Starting from scratch in relationships to starting from scratch financially. I appreciate what Margaret has done for me and I hope she continues to do it as long as she wants to. Put a smile on your face and meet the world and say I’m here for me.
What is my greatest fear?
My greatest fear is that I will die alone and lift the rest of my life lonely. I was a single mom and I raised my kids by myself but now my kids are distant from me and I feel that I should fix myself before I look for a mate because of past trauma and some health issues that I need to make better. But I feel defeated, and it’s hard to hope for the future, but this idea of fixing myself before I look for a mate is probably keeping me from looking for a mate.
What would I do after 60 if I could not fail?
I would perform with my guitar and voice for weddings and funerals and get married and travel and fund all of this. I have a lot of gifts and talents, but right now they’re not being used because I’ve been in a stuck place.
I hear you, Wendy, and I’m sorry you are feeling so low. (me too with the past trauma). Just a thought I’ve been asking myself lately: why do you have to fix yourself before looking for a mate? I’ve been fixing myself and doing self-improvement my entire adult life. I’m finally accepted me as I am and that my flaws are what make me special. Per below, congratulate yourself on your resilience and strength. Your flaws make you more beautiful.
A quick AI concept: Japanese pottery that’s broken is often repaired using Kintsugi (or kintsukuroi), an art form where cracks are mended with lacquer mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum, making the repair visible and highlighting imperfections as part of the object’s history, embracing beauty in breakage. Instead of hiding flaws, kintsugi transforms damage into unique, more valuable, and stronger pieces, symbolizing resilience and acceptance.
Hi Jean,
One of our bloggers wrote an article about Kintsugi and how it helped her find resilience in her life. You can read it here https://sixtyandme.com/broken-things/.
I enjoy most all of the articles and tips on Sixty and Me but feel that it caters to or assumes that everyone has been or is still married, went to college and obtained a degree, had a fulfilling career, has money to travel, etc. but there are some of us who have not had all of that. Please be mindful that we come from all walks of life.
Hi Maria and thank you for commenting.
We appreciate your feedback. We do try to publish articles that cater to our diverse audience, including articles about women living solo, travel on a budget, savings, etc. You are welcome to explore our very large database!
I agree about the assumptions. Add to the assumption that every woman is a parent and/or grandparent. Patriarchal. Hopefully, Sixty and Me will see outside their own experience.