The Morbid Details: You Decide or It Gets Decided for You

In the spirit of October, which is not only National Estate Planning Awareness Month but also the month of Halloween, it seems appropriate to think about what can feel like a gruesome topic: when we stop breathing.

Can You Answer These Questions?

What are the “morbid details” that you want to take place? Do you want CPR administered? Who do you want to speak for you when you can’t (we call these POAs, Powers of Attorney, one for health care and one for finances)? What are your wishes if you end up in the hospital? Or can’t stay living in your home? What are your financial resources in those circumstances? Does your POA know where/how to access them? Or what if you don’t breathe again, then what and who and how?

Do Not Resuscitate Details

The topic of DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) is especially tricky since each state in the US has its own requirement about what the EMTs arriving in the ambulance can do. One state looks for a DNR bracelet worn on the wrist, another requires a DNR order printed on an orange piece of paper (and another state requires it to be on yellow paper), or another state requires a physician’s signature for example. Do you know what is required in your area?

It Must Be in Writing!

It’s a little bit like the misinformed beneficiary comments I hear over and over again: “It doesn’t matter since I have it all spelled out in my will.” Or “It doesn’t matter because my son/daughter knows what I want.” Whether it’s beneficiary or DNR decisions, what matters is that you decide and you have it in writing and in the format required in your area.

Oh, How We Rationalize!

This is not a fun subject, and it takes strong intention to think about it, act on it, and then communicate what you have in writing. In general, we humans lack a natural tendency to overcome inertia and take action. I have heard the following comments for years from people rationalizing why they think they don’t need to hassle with the step of putting things in writing:

• My sons know what I want.
• None of my friends wear a DNR bracelet!
• I have my estate planning done, and I am sure my attorney would let me know if anything needed to be updated.
• I don’t want to pay an attorney, it costs too much.
• Estate planning is only for millionaires.
• I won’t care about any of this, I’ll be gone. (Never has a woman said this to me, only men.)

The Two Motivators

What seems to motivate people to put a will/trust and POAs in place (plus a DNR if desired in older age) is either upcoming travel or a recent personal experience with loss or incapacity. With a trip on the calendar, our brain begins to think “boy, what if I have an accident on this trip?” Or after we watch or help someone through a death or need for care, our brain starts realizing “that could be me someday!”

Reduce Stress with Resources

Not enough of us proactively draft the necessary documents, get financially organized, and communicate our wishes in the calm before the storm. That would be the wisest, least stressful approach. Afterall, this is NOT an IF situation, this is a WHEN situation… we will all stop breathing someday.

Whenever and for whatever reason you are ready to act, take advantage of resources that are out there to get yourself thinking, deciding, and acting on putting things in writing. I invite you to browse my resources, search online, or seek out local education opportunities offered by professionals in the field.

Morbid Details or a Final Gift?

One last aspect to consider. I wish this didn’t feel like morbid, unpleasant decisions for women. It is actually an amazing gift you leave your family/friends when you can clearly delineate your wishes in writing in advance so they are not left to guess during an already stressful moment.

Can you challenge yourself to reframe the task of putting your wishes in writing, according to your local requirements? Instead of a dreaded process, maybe it can become a relief, an accomplishment, a final legacy to your family that prioritizes your love for them so that they are spared additional stress and confusion.

Please Join the Conversation:

What personal experiences have you had with asset documents? Can you share any thoughts? What mindset do you have on this topic? I’m curious what those not in the US think about this subject? Let’s have a discussion.