Navigating the Threshold of Transition with L.I.F.E.
Your life is a STORY of transition. You are always leaving one chapter behind while moving on to the next. Some chapters are audacious and breathtaking. Some chapters are full of unspeakable joy and happiness. Others… well… not so much. There are turbulent chapters that leave you feeling like you’re in the eye of a tornado and there are chapters filled with sorrow and sadness. As mature women, we have transitioned through the ups and downs of life and we’re still standing!
When you really think about it, you start transitioning from the time you’re conceived. You transform from an embryo to a child to an adult. And ultimately, we all transition out of this world.
We All Transition from and to Something Else
Life transitions are periods that involve significant changes to your lifestyle. Over our life we start school, we get married, some of us get divorced, and most of us will change jobs.
Most, if not all, of you reading this have experienced a major life transition sometime in your life.
Many of you have experienced a major life transition that has PERMANENTLY ALTERED your life.
I know I have!
Some transitions we can prepare for. Having a baby. Retirement. Moving.
And then there are those transitions that KNOCK you upside the head. Being suddenly DOWNSIZED or even FIRED from a job. A health crisis that hits you without warning. A spouse who walks in one day and says he doesn’t want to be married anymore. And, in my case, having lived in Southern California most of my life, an earthquake can literally transition the ground underneath your feet.
Transitions Consist of These Three Shifts
Keep in mind that 3 shifts must take place in any transition:
- A Mindset shift
- A Heart shift
- An Action shift
When I think about transition, I think about life – L.I.F.E. Let’s take a deeper dive at that word LIFE for the next few minutes.
L – LET GO of Your Need to Know the Outcome
Hey, I know it’s scary to let go but practicing present moment awareness stops us from writing a detailed mental screenplay of how things will turn out.
Let go by ditching the what if’s because WHAT IF they don’t help you?
LET GO of the physical baggage in your life: During your transition, clean out closets and cupboards! Get rid of artwork that doesn’t ignite your soul and clothing that doesn’t make you feel like a rock star. In other words, STREAMLINE your life.
I – IMAGINE the Best Version of Yourself on the Other Side of Transition
You get to CHOOSE who YOU want to be on the other side of your transition! Nobody else. You have the FINAL SAY over your goals, dreams, and decisions. IMAGINE yourself COURAGEOUS because courage breeds confidence.
F – FREE Yourself
One way to free yourself is by doing what the Italians call dolce far niente – the sweetness of doing nothing. During your transition, take a few moments every day to do absolutely nothing without guilt and without anxiety – just sit still and breathe!
Another way to Free Yourself is by firing non-supportive people in your life – those who don’t celebrate you or your journey. And then after you fire them, FORTIFY the relationships that are VALUABLE to you, STRENGTHEN your relationship with those who DO celebrate you and your journey.
You Free Yourself by forgiving others. This one can be a tough one. I’ve had plenty of practice forgiving, especially family members. My dad grew up with nothing and died at 79 years old with a six-million-dollar estate. My mother died two years later in 2014 but not before she and my sister met secretly behind closed doors with the attorney and stripped me of my portion of my dad’s estate.
When I learned of the betrayal it felt like a sucker punch to my gut and a right hook to my jaw. I didn’t have some big, fat 401(k) waiting for me during retirement. The inheritance WAS my retirement. To say I was outraged at the time would be an understatement. My attitude stunk at first.
But… slowly over time… I CHOSE to transition through the process of forgiveness and finally release an expectation gone terribly wrong.
Because you see, transition isn’t just about moving to a new city or starting a new job. It can mean shifting to a new state of mind. Look, there’s no way around it, forgiveness is hard, but it’s the most significant way to free yourself.
E – EMERGE as the New You!
What do you want your life to FEEL like on the other side of transition? What heart adjustments will you make? What new ACTIONS will you take?
I’ll leave you with this, dear ladies. No matter what, honor your transition journey. Give yourself the kudos you deserve for still standing. And the next time you’re standing at the threshold of transition, remember to live life, L.I.F.E.
Let Go. Imagine. Free Yourself. Emerge.
Questions for Deeper Thought:
What major transition left you feeling so heavy that you thought you’d crumble under the weight? How did you navigate through it? How have you prepared for transitions you knew were coming? Move? Job loss? Children leaving home?
Tags Reinventing Yourself
So many great articles here. It hit me like a ton of bricks today when I blurted out to a married friend, “I’m not an US.” An us. Everything is about couples. I often feel like the odd person out at group gatherings. Maybe I have always felt like that and now that I am fast approaching 78 I see how single people are too often treated in group gatherings of couples. It is rare for anyone to take an interest in another these days. Maybe I notice it more now since I came out of the woods and into a city to live.
Even when I was married, I always thought single women were far more interesting. Many of my friends were single or highly independent, evolved people.
So how do I navigate through this? This week I would say not too well. This, too, shall pass. Curious how others feel.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and struggles through navigating a new life reality, Janel. And you’re correct in that you’re probably noticing it more now that you’re in the city. Oh how I know what you mean when it comes to singles and marrieds. It was quite an adjustment for me when I was first divorced 26 years ago after a long-term marriage. I didn’t feel comfortable with singles or with marrieds. I felt like a fish out of water! Sometimes I still do.
Married couples most often don’t want to buddy up with singles because of obvious relationship dynamic reasons, and singles are…well…sometimes not that pleasant to be around, especially if they haven’t healed from a broken marriage or haven’t worked on their personal issues.
I remember how dorky I felt when I first went to a nice restaurant by myself for dinner, thinking people around me would think there was something terribly wrong with me that I “had” to dine alone. And the first time I went to a movie by myself. I felt like everyone was staring at me, wondering what kind of loser I was that made me “have to” go to a movie by myself.
The thing that has helped me navigate is coming to know that people aren’t even paying attention like that; they’re too focused on their own selves to pay me any mind. I’ve learned to celebrate the internal strength I possess, and I urge you to do the same; think about how to share your gifts and talents with young people who are eager to learn.
The weeks you don’t navigate your new situation well, it’s okay, but don’t stay stuck there. I found the book, Changes That Heal by Henry Cloud, to be incredibly helpful in navigating a new reality of “I” and not “us.”
what advice can you offer for an adult son who lost his job ? He also bought a condo just before he was laid off.
Elli, sorry to hear about your son’s dilemma with the newly purchased condo and losing his job. That’s a double whammy! The tips I give in the article can apply to women and men, so let him read it and maybe some of the advice will be helpful.
Some tips I can offer him are things I’ve done in the past. Do one thing a day to move himself toward his next job. This could be to look on Indeed, ziprecruiter, and LinkedIn for potential job leads.
I would also encourage him to look into gig jobs to fill in the money gaps. My son door dashes 4-5 nights a week after working a full-time job during the day and makes some decent money. There’s also Uber, Uber Eats, and a host of other gig economy opportunities. He can work his own schedule to allow himself to seek his next full-time gig. There are also sites like Redballoon.work and workerbee.com.
Hope that helps.