4 Bad Reasons 60-Somethings Vow Never to Date Again
For every woman in the 60+ age group who responds to one of my articles, hopeful about dating again, an equal number write back with a heavy sigh: “Never again. I’m done.”
I understand. Dating in this stage of life can feel like a big set-up for disappointment, and sometimes like too much work.
But before you walk away from the dating scene completely, I want to point out four of the wrong reasons women give up – reasons I hear every day as a coach.
At the end, I’ll also share one very good reason to actually be “done” with dating.
Reason #1: Your Past Mistakes
Maybe you chose the wrong relationship, ignored red flags, or stayed too long in a marriage that no longer made you happy. I hear this from women who feel burned and afraid of repeating history.
Every one of us carries what I call “hauntings,” life’s wrong turns and painful chapters. Especially if your last relationship or breakup was messy, you need to detox.
The hard times have to be turned into “the right lessons” in your own mind. Mistakes aren’t proof that you can’t find the right person. They’re a chance to learn a better way.
Coaching Tip: I map out the healing work from your past here. I wish it were simpler, and I am sorry that it is not.
You will need to write up the lessons learned from past heartbreaks and create a clear list of deal breakers for the future. Keep it short, because overloaded “deal breaker lists” can push good potential partners away.
Good news, most people only have 1 or 2 bad “picking” habits that need to be kept on a leash, not dozens!
Reason #2: The Belief That No Good Ones Exist
I often hear, “All the great guys are taken.” Or, “Online dating apps are full of con artists.”
I can validate that the dating market has its challenges, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t quality single men looking for you. Of course there are. Many men over 60 are divorced, single, or widowed, and they are lonely too.
The belief that nobody good exists is just your fear talking. There are millions of singles on dating platforms and dating websites, in addition to infinite chances to meet new people in real life.
Finding a potential partner has to start with believing they exist. And good news, the fact that people find new love every day, proves it’s possible.
Coaching Tip: Examine your belief that there are no good men out there. You are a good one, and you exist; doesn’t it make sense that your counterpart exists, too?
Every day, people “get over themselves” and get back out there to try again. And remember, you only need one great man, not a dozen.
Reason #3: Your Age
Some women tell me, “It’s too late,” or compare themselves to younger women in the dating scene.
But here’s what relationship experts and even the occasional clinical psychologist will say: age also brings wisdom, clarity, and emotional depth.
The dating process in your later years can feel different – both slower/harder and more urgent. You may feel out of touch with how to manage the technology of it all. What happened to good old-fashioned phone calls?
But here is one thing I know. For every man who is looking for a younger woman, there are two who are definitively not looking for that!
Coaching Tip: Reframe age as an asset. You already know what’s actually important in a new partner, and you’re more likely to build a lasting, healthy love based on whether or not you are a good match head, heart, and hoo-ha vs. just superficial things.
Reason #4: Your Location
“You don’t understand, Laurie, there are no good choices in my town.” I hear this all the time from men and women all over the world: no matter where people are, they are discouraged by their location when it comes to dating.
While the dating pool is in fact smaller in certain places, it’s NEVER going to be the reason you can’t find a new relationship. New people are becoming single in your general vicinity each and every day!
Coaching Tip: Be skeptical about your theory that you live where you live, but a perfect match for you couldn’t possibly exist. Look for examples around you of people finding love and use them to encourage yourself not to give up.
The One Good Reason to Quit Dating
As promised, here is your one good reason to quit dating: if you genuinely prefer your own company, if the single life brings you joy and peace, then by all means – quit the dating scene.
That’s not giving up; that’s choosing what’s right for you, right now. Falling in love with yourself is a worthy cause!
But if what’s holding you back is bad theories about your worthiness, ability, or the dating pool, please don’t let those stop you. There is plenty of opportunity (and time) all around you to find the right person for you – someone who wants you for who you are and the quirky package you have to offer.
You are not too much or too little to attract a great mate; you’re perfect for your perfect match. You don’t need to be everyone’s cup of tea; you just need to learn to date in a way that helps you find the right person for you.
Coaching Tip: If you want to learn that way of dating, watch my free webinar where I’ll guide you through the best way to start dating again, with hope.
Also read, What Do Older Women Think Men Want – and Are They Right?
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Was there a moment in your life when you vowed never to date again? What was the reason? Have you since changed your mind?
Tags Senior Dating Advice
Would love to date, but most men don’t approach me and whenever I’ve approached them I found myself brutally rejected. One guy went so far as to complain to mutual friends about me “daring” to think he would be interested in me. I was like wow…am I really that ugly? sheesh…so now I no longer bother. When I was 58, I had a relative tell me it was “too late” for me and perhaps she is right. I’m now 64, and have had to accept the reality that no one wants me. There’s more to life than romance, I guess…
As I read all the responses, there was a similarity and many women are looking for a companion, friendship trusted relationship and not so sure men want this. Many older men seek the prize of a woman 10-15 years younger and maybe the woman is looking for financial support but these VERY OLD men still want a sexual realtionship if possible. Not a good life situation for the woman-I guess this is the nurse and purse. I think a lot of men have to change how they think of women as too many think only of the bedroom. Even younger women in Japan have a movement to not date or marry. Younger men (despite raging hormones) and older men would do well to rethink their attitude toward women as more and more women are choosing to live alone.Physical attraction is an intial part of a relationship but it becomes less important as time goes on and trust, kindness, helpfulness and enjoyable companionship become the most important needs.
Dating and meeting new people later in life isnt all about having a serious intimate relationship with those we meet along our journey.
At my vintage (age), its no longer always about sexual attraction, although it maybe for some.
Ive dated quite a bit over the years and through that have got to know myself a lot better & to trust my intuition.
As we age we often just want a little more companionship, someone who might want to accompany us to the cinema with a coffee and a chat afterwards. We may need a friend to accompany us to a function when we dont feel comfortable going alone etc.
Not all men or women want/need sexual intimacy in their later years, sometimes its needing someone who we trust who will listen without judgement.
I met my partner nine years ago who is a decade younger than me. We tried to have an intimate relationship initially but it fazed out over time mainly with me realising i was “over it!”.. We do live together but now have different bedrooms, but are best friends.
He is my trusted friend, companion, travelling partner, my confidant, my emotional support partner.
Not all men are out to ‘just get us into bed’, some need what we need, friendship and companionship etc.
There’s still many MANY mature aged singles out there, most of us with ‘baggage’, and we need to look outside the square sometimes instead of trying to find our perfect match because inside we know WE arent perfect!
I live with a lovely man who is very high up on the spectrum. He loves me, let’s me do my own thing and is always there for me unconditionally. I stopped trying to find my perfect match because I knew there wasn’t one..
these are wise and hopeful words Tessa, thanks for sharing them
They all want sex right away. Seems it is all they want. At this point in my life sex is on the bottom of the list and many attributes need to be shown first. I’m not interested in jumping into a sexual relationship I want a friend and giving partner first!
that makes total sense and I understand that many men push sex before a woman is ready but for every man like that there are also men who want to wait also. Don’t give up!