When I first started dating in my late 40s, online dating was in its infancy. There wasn’t a lot known about how it worked. Since my friends didn’t know single men, I thought I’d better figure this new way of dating out if I was going to meet the perfect man for me.
So, here are 3 expectations I advise you to scratch from your book when it comes to dating online.
I do remember naively thinking I’d just put up a profile and my Mr. Right would show up in my email box. Kind of like in Field of Dreams where Kevin Costner says the famous line, “if you build it, they will come.”
And I do remember crying a LOT when the wrong men showed up in my inbox or sometimes even no men. Today, women still go online excited about the idea of meeting their Mr. Right, and when it doesn’t happen right away, they feel defeated, discouraged and often quit.
About now, you might be wondering why it’s so hard to meet Mr. Right. The reason is you are probably attracting the same type of man over and over again. Why? Because these are the men you feel most comfortable with, and that’s why you reattract them just with different clothes, a different haircut and a different job.
The relationship usually doesn’t work because he has the same issues you just left behind with the last guy you were involved with. Yet you keep drawing this type of man in because this is who you have the greatest chemistry with. The thing is, if this type of man worked for you, you’d be with him right now.
The secret to ending this cycle is to go out of the box and date men who aren’t your type. I find that when clients do this, they end up in a great relationship with a man who turns out to be the love of their life.
If you’ve had experience dating online, you know that men often write short intro letters that go something like this: “Hey beautiful” or “Great Profile.” This type of email leaves you wondering how you’re supposed to respond, and when you’re not sure, you pass a man by.
Why do men do this? It’s not that they’re lazy. It’s just men have been rejected so much online that they’ve stopped putting the effort in… until they get a response. What you can do in this type of situation is look at his profile. If you like what you see, write “hi” back and ask a question.
The other type of email you see is one with tons of grammar and spelling errors. My ex was one of the smartest men I knew yet he was dyslexic so his emails would have looked like he never got past third grade.
Beware of quickly making a judgement before saying, “next.” What you can do is take a look at a man’s pictures and profile to see what his world looks like before you make a decision.
And of course, some of those poor grammar emails may come from scammers, so do your research first.
The first time you go online, you may be shocked at how old men look. I’ve heard women say, “they all look like my uncle, grandfather, or dad.” Then they tell me they are so disappointed by the “QUALITY” of men they see.
Whether we like it or not, Hollywood shapes our view of how everyone should look. Men like Richard Gere and Denzel Washington are handsome, but remember, they have a huge team making sure they always look this way.
Men in real life don’t have this luxury. Men in real life have a paunch or thinning hair or are short, and this turns you off.
But some of these men might make great companions, boyfriends and husbands if you give them a chance. The best way to do this is to adopt the mantra, “I’m going on a date to meet someone new and interesting.”
Ask fun questions like what TV shows he liked when he was a kid. Or what’s his favorite vacation spot. These are the types of questions that bring out the best in a guy. You get to see his personality mixed with his looks and that can make him quite attractive to you.
Do you feel frustrated with dating online? Have you been able to find a nice guy to date? Or perhaps you have expectations that are simply impossible to keep when it comes to online dating? Please share your fun online dating stories or some tips for new beginners.
Tags Senior Dating Advice
I have been on sites for the last two years on and off. Patients is very important. Figure out what your personal deal breakers are like smokers or beer drinkers. So they want you as a purse or a nurse? Are they looking for someone to tie flies for them or be in a relationship that is beneficial to both? As yourself what you are willing to give up or accept and whittle that list down to just 3 or 4 items. That doesn’t narrow the scope so much that you lose a lot in the quality of men you view. Make sure they are either within a certain mileage or be willing to drive. I found a man I though was a fake and he turned out to be the best man I’ve ever dated. Love is out there just be open to the hunt.
So happy you met your guy Robin!
Dated online…If ANY interest, meet for coffee…quick size up. No corresponding. I ALWAYS let the man begin the contact. Living in a major city provided a large pool of prospects.
I met many men. I had a nonnegotiable check list: no kids at home/financially responsible/no xenophobes /around my age/and a few more.
I quit the project a couple of times, taking a break. Much disappointment. I really wanted to share my life, my bed, my vacations in a committed relationship.
A couple of years after I began (and after a couple of (sigh) false starts), I met my dear, short, smart, good-man husband. Like me, plenty of faults, but no dealbreakers.
That was 13 years ago.
Part of matching is luck. However, I would not have met him without the computer.
So glad you met your guy and love that you opened to dating a short man. One of my clients was really into tall men and she was about 5’4. She met an amazing guy who was short and nearly blew him off because of his height. He had everything else on her Quality Man Template which is a clear vision of what you want at this time in your life so I asked her to give him a chance. She is so happy now like you!!!! Congrats on finding love!
What a wonderful post! I’m already happily married, but enjoyed reading this interesting, well-written article.
Thank you Roxanne. And congrats on being so happily married!!!!