Recruiting Women to My Tribe
I have a group of women in my life I refer to as my tribe. Most women, like me, have a group numbering from a select few to dozens, who go by a variety of names – girlfriends, sisters, posse – all representing those with whom we share a connection of some type that makes our life richer, more secure and happier.
My tribe consists of women with whom I am engaged in some significant creative, professional, social or familial relationship that bonds us together.
Reconsider Some Old Friendships
Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the complexion and composition of my tribe, as I’ve noticed it seems to be in flux. Some intimate relationships are drifting away with the passing of time, as friends retire elsewhere or relocate to be closer to adult children and grandchildren, and sadly, some have passed away.
I appreciate those who are lifelong friends, who know my story and have been through the tough stuff with me, but I also recognize a growing need beyond what I share with them.
I discovered over the past few years, there were some long held friendships that no longer seem to fit. Mostly because I have put more energy into being different. My priorities changed, as did my lifestyle and with not much more than memories to hold us together, we drifted apart, and I let it happen. I sincerely miss them, but new interests, goals and perspectives have taken the place of what was once the foundation of our relationship.
Invite New Friends In
The result is a thinning of not only the number but the variety of individuals that make up my tribe and I’m beginning to realize how appropriate and necessary it is to consciously welcome women into my world, my life and my tribe who click with me, intellectually and spiritually, as well as fill my need to be with women who share my professional life, hobbies, leisure activities and satisfy my desire for deep connection. I am looking for women with whom there is a bond of shared experience, desire and motivation.
I am increasingly interested in cultivating a tribe that includes women who are farther along the path of growing into an older woman, who motivate me and support me as I explore new roles for myself. I find I want to add women who stimulate and encourage me as a writer, as a mature woman who prioritizes fitness and health, and in my desire to live an open hearted life that is meaningful, intimate and vulnerable within a select group of women with whom I belong, feel safe and am valued. I’m looking for soulmates with whom I can share it all.
It is also important to me to bring younger women into my life who I can support in their journey and share a little of my own knowledge and experience as a mentor and confidant. But also, who can teach me, coach me and offer me insight into our changing world views.
How Does This Actually Work?
But where do these women come from, and how do I overcome the feeling of awkwardness in recruiting someone when I come across her? Can casual friendships grow deeper with attention and time and can friendships from long ago be rekindled to become relevant in our current setting? These are the questions I find I ponder more and more recently.
Being the analytical Virgo I am, I actually wrote out a list of the types of women I might wish to engage. Not a bad exercise to get some clarity. This is what it looks like.
- Women who are long and treasured friends with whom I share precious memories and who have moved along into this new era with me.
- Women who are comfortable with intimate, candid conversation on the topic of what it means to be an aging woman.
- Younger women who offer a different perspective than my own.
- Women who enjoy the outdoors and getting out into it hiking, kayaking, and exploring.
- Women who cook and want to cook with me, or just talk about food with a sincere passion.
- Women who share my continuing and long reaching exploration of how to live a physically healthy and fit life into our future.
- Women who enjoy creative endeavors and want to delve into writing, music, dance and art together.
Actively Recruiting
If this seems to be shaping up into a help wanted ad, it might be because in a way it is. I have openings in my life for women in all these areas and am actively recruiting, hoping to enrich both our lives through the shared experience.
Living into the future fulfilled and surrounded by women who share my desire to live vibrantly is important to me, but figuring out how to do so isn’t always easy. However, I’m devoted to it and therefore will continue to look for the right path. Perhaps, I will find you along the way.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Do you have a tribe of women whom you can count on? How long did it take you to build it? What kinds of women are in you women’s circle?
Tags Friendships
Hi Fran – I have been running tribesober.com for the last 8 years and we’ve built an international community who are striving for an alcohol free lifestyle. We understand each other and have a common struggle – the bonds are deep! Yes we all need a Tribe! Janet
Not having a tribe has been one of my biggest adjustments since being laid off in 2013. Those I thought were my tribe turned out to be just people that I worked with. Not one of those people checked in on me to see how I was once I was laid off. Did they even miss me? Not that missing me was necessary, but it was a little surprising since I thought that we were close. I am at peace with everything, and my husband and I have travelled and know we always have each other. But, reading this article I feel it would be nice to have a few friends I could consider to be my tribe. They would need to possess many specific characteristics, but such people do exist and maybe I will be blessed enough to run into them and connect. I have a few on Facebook who seem to be my “tribe” type but they either live in another state or even too far away in my state for me to feasibly connect in person with them. I don’t drive too far and it has always been an issue if they want to go places or meet. So, I’m cautious and selective, steadily getting used to it being just me, my husband and God and anything else is a bonus.
i’ve known many people who have confused workmates for friendships – they can overlap, but i was in a manager’s position. i knew they didn’t like me
i enjoy my home time a lot. i craft and paint. i’m taking an online class through the local college (and it doesn’t matter the grade i get, so no pressure) there are chat avenues to interact with the other students – most are younger, but it’s still nice. and i will appreciate the class when i’m done
you sound interesting. i think if you put your mind to it and really wanted to meet folks, you could maybe just say hi to a few people walking in a public park or area; then it’s not like you’re alone meeting someone. maybe you could think of a public place in your range to suggest? it’s a good way for people not to stream through their homes (or yours!)
I’m pretty much an introvert, but I’m lucky to have five close friends. It’s comforting to have these wonderful women in my life to share, laugh, talk, and find unwavering support.
I am trying to find my new tribe, women who go deeper than just watching and being what the media tells them to, women who don’t shame you if you are different or have different perspectives on life. It’s hard, being older, and not being around a lot of people in general since I take care of my mom and often cannot leave the house. But I know they are out there and converse with some on social media.
Great thoughts. I work to perpetuate long-time friends from where i used to live, although I find, that, often, I am the one who continues to reach out. I’ve bonded with new friends of different ages.
If any connections remain intact, I am the one who needs to do the work. Most are content to have me, only in their memories. I mean, they are delighted when I connect, but will make no efforts on their own. That applies to my sister as well. . . if I don’t call her. . . Not sad or bitter over it. Still love everyone, but I find it a bit perplexing.
i’m finally seeing how i’ve been doing this for decades – being the one to reach out — i still do, but i would rather spend time doing something myself than waiting on someone else. often enough, when i do something myself and consciously seek to interact, i go to a painting workshop or walk my pup or drive to a museum, and BAM! people with a same interest foundation!
it’s there if you want it, but maybe do your style instead of trying to make up for someone else’s non-participation. i’m working on that myself, for sure
Hi, this year I joined OSHER LIFELONG LEARNING. It’s a national group through many universities. I went to many classes, events, clubs made some very nice connections. After inviting a few to my home, i notice there is no reciprocation. This has happened several times. I’ve finally stopped inviting. I’m so disappointed, disheartened and discouraged. I’m simply trying to make new friends…it used to be so easy, I’m in my early 70’s and very active. Are women in their 70’s not interested in making new friends or too lazy to make an effort?