Recruiting Women to My Tribe

I have a group of women in my life I refer to as my tribe. Most women, like me, have a group numbering from a select few to dozens, who go by a variety of names – girlfriends, sisters, posse – all representing those with whom we share a connection of some type that makes our life richer, more secure and happier.

My tribe consists of women with whom I am engaged in some significant creative, professional, social or familial relationship that bonds us together.

Reconsider Some Old Friendships

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the complexion and composition of my tribe, as I’ve noticed it seems to be in flux. Some intimate relationships are drifting away with the passing of time, as friends retire elsewhere or relocate to be closer to adult children and grandchildren, and sadly, some have passed away.

I appreciate those who are lifelong friends, who know my story and have been through the tough stuff with me, but I also recognize a growing need beyond what I share with them.

I discovered over the past few years, there were some long held friendships that no longer seem to fit. Mostly because I have put more energy into being different. My priorities changed, as did my lifestyle and with not much more than memories to hold us together, we drifted apart, and I let it happen. I sincerely miss them, but new interests, goals and perspectives have taken the place of what was once the foundation of our relationship.

Invite New Friends In

The result is a thinning of not only the number but the variety of individuals that make up my tribe and I’m beginning to realize how appropriate and necessary it is to consciously welcome women into my world, my life and my tribe who click with me, intellectually and spiritually, as well as fill my need to be with women who share my professional life, hobbies, leisure activities and satisfy my desire for deep connection. I am looking for women with whom there is a bond of shared experience, desire and motivation.

I am increasingly interested in cultivating a tribe that includes women who are farther along the path of growing into an older woman, who motivate me and support me as I explore new roles for myself. I find I want to add women who stimulate and encourage me as a writer, as a mature woman who prioritizes fitness and health, and in my desire to live an open hearted life that is meaningful, intimate and vulnerable within a select group of women with whom I belong, feel safe and am valued. I’m looking for soulmates with whom I can share it all.

It is also important to me to bring younger women into my life who I can support in their journey and share a little of my own knowledge and experience as a mentor and confidant. But also, who can teach me, coach me and offer me insight into our changing world views.

How Does This Actually Work?

But where do these women come from, and how do I overcome the feeling of awkwardness in recruiting someone when I come across her? Can casual friendships grow deeper with attention and time and can friendships from long ago be rekindled to become relevant in our current setting? These are the questions I find I ponder more and more recently.

Being the analytical Virgo I am, I actually wrote out a list of the types of women I might wish to engage. Not a bad exercise to get some clarity. This is what it looks like.

• Women who are long and treasured friends with whom I share precious memories and who have moved along into this new era with me.
• Women who are comfortable with intimate, candid conversation on the topic of what it means to be an aging woman.
• Younger women who offer a different perspective than my own.
• Women who enjoy the outdoors and getting out into it hiking, kayaking, and exploring.
• Women who cook and want to cook with me, or just talk about food with a sincere passion.
• Women who share my continuing and long reaching exploration of how to live a physically healthy and fit life into our future.
• Women who enjoy creative endeavors and want to delve into writing, music, dance and art together.

Actively Recruiting

If this seems to be shaping up into a help wanted ad, it might be because in a way it is. I have openings in my life for women in all these areas and am actively recruiting, hoping to enrich both our lives through the shared experience.

Living into the future fulfilled and surrounded by women who share my desire to live vibrantly is important to me, but figuring out how to do so isn’t always easy. However, I’m devoted to it and therefore will continue to look for the right path. Perhaps, I will find you along the way.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Do you have a tribe of women whom you can count on? How long did it take you to build it? What kinds of women are in you women’s circle?