Our Complex Relationship with Time

The morning started as it usually did, with a cup of coffee and light conversation with my husband about the unfolding day. He headed off to his study to begin working, and I decided to put the finishing touches on getting our house ready for the dinner guests we had invited over that evening. No hurry because the lasagna was prepared, but I wanted to add a healthy salad, garlic bread, and a simple dessert.

Time is a brisk wind, for each hour it brings something new…

but who can understand and measure its sharp breath,

its mystery and its design?

— Paracelsus

As the hours passed, I’d also been able to tidy the living room and cut fresh flowers from the garden to decorate our table, all this while a soundscape I loved had played melodiously in the background. Suddenly, I remembered that I’d arranged a make-up piano lesson for one of my students. In fact, it was in 5 minutes!

Five Minutes!

Really not a problem because my studio was in good order and I was properly dressed, but this episode made me think about how different my morning would have been had I planned it around the lesson instead of the way it had happened of itself. And yet everything had gotten done in a relaxed and congenial manner.

Our relationship with time is complicated because time is elastic and can simultaneously feel like it passes slowly and quickly, depending upon what we are doing. It’s also enigmatic, because it cannot be exactly defined. Like the saying, “The wind bloweth where it listeth” – you can “see” the wind only by observing its movement across the land. The same with time. You can sense its passage by watching the changes that occur, but providing a perfect definition of it escapes us.

A Man-Made Concept

Comedians, among others, have attempted to define time. Take a few minutes to listen to George Carlin’s playful monologue whose premise is that time is a man-made concept. Carlin’s thoughts echo ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu who wrote in the 4th century BC: Time is a created thing, and the words of Albert Einstein: The distinction between the past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.

Carlin goes on to point out that for thousands of years cultures have tracked time using various kinds of clocks, calendars, and astronomical tools, and come up with disparate but workable solutions for following it, which begs the questions: Which method is correct? Is there a single, definitive way to measure and understand time or are the varied approaches valid in their own contexts?

Units of Time

Americans – and this, I’d wager, is universally true – describe units of time, short and long, in vague, indefinite terms. Carlin gives some examples (to name a few):

Which is quicker, a jiffy or a flash?

One of these days.

Before long.

Sooner or later.

Now and then.

In a little while.

Almost an eternity.

Forever.

And to grasp, to get a hold of time? He jokes:

Q. Pardon me, do you have the time?

A. When do you mean, now or when you asked me?

Our Relationship with Time

How we each relate to time says a lot about our behavior. We’ve probably met someone, typically with a highly structured background or upbringing, who is controlled by time. Always punctual to appointments (more so, early). Programmed to do a particular activity at a time and day certain. Never “wasting” a moment, an arbitrary judgment call, to be sure, because “doing nothing” can be considered productive from another perspective, having, as it often does, positive effects on creativity, mental health, self-awareness, and motivation.

On the other hand, you’ve likely known a person who is perpetually late and who is highly unskilled at gauging how long a project will take to complete, like your loveable but distracted friend who, having invited you for Thanksgiving, pulls out the turkey from the freezer as you walk in the door for the festivities.

And, of course, the whole spectrum of personal time-planning styles in between.

My Relationship with Time

In my 20s I realized I had a confused relationship with time. While I’d invariably arrive right on the dot, I would predictably leave too late and find myself rushing and frazzled. So, I made a resolution one New Year’s Eve to leave the house 10 minutes earlier than the time I’d reasonably calculated it would take to get me to my destination on schedule. This new habit, this new relationship with time, was a real game changer.

Let’s Have a Conversation:

Carrying this exploration further, do you find that you relate to time differently as you’ve grown older? Are you one who thinks it’s better to travel well, to take your time, than to arrive?

Someone who enjoys participating in the process unfolding naturally or an individual who’s busy tallying achievements and making new goals while blazing through the last ones because an internal voice tells you time is running out?

Do you believe that ultimately what matters most is not what you’ve collected or accomplished over time but how well you’ve loved, how fully you lived, and how deeply you’ve been able to let go … of trying to control time?