Are World Events Affecting Your Relationships?
Never have I ever experienced a time where world events trickled down to touch down on such a granular level as our personal relationships. You hear people every day expressing sadness and frustration at the chasm between them and those for whom they care deeply.
The Elephant in the Room
For decades the go-to rule of ‘we just don’t talk about politics or religion’ appeared to work just fine. The elephant in the room was in the corner for all to see but we could still ignore it by pretending it wasn’t there. Now it seems that it has eaten its weight in grasses, leaves and tree bark because when in that room with others who are on the other side of whatever side you’re on, said elephant takes up every square inch of air and space; impossible to ignore.
Some folks are able to side-step around the big guy hoping not to get smacked by his tail, and others are choosing not to enter the room at all.
So how do we handle the awkwardness? Do we put those relationships on hold until this big elephant poop storm blows over? What if it doesn’t? What if it leaves a permanent poop stain?!
WE-lationships
One of the basic core tenets of a relationship along with trust, communication, respect, and empathy, is having shared values. What I hear people expressing is, “If they agree with this and that, then they no longer align with me and my values, so how can we be in a relationship?” That in turn understandably affects their sense of respect, communication and other crucial cogs in the relationship wheel.
I was speaking with a dear friend on the phone recently and she was talking about what a relationship is to her, and I thought she said, “It’s a WE-lationship” so I asked her if I could steal that, and she said “Sure, but what’d I say?!” I told her what I’d heard through the phone, and she laughed. We had both inadvertently created a new term that I was going to coin!
To be in any kind of relationship it must be a WE-lationship. It takes two – or more as the case may be!
So How Do We Navigate These Unchartered Times?
To be honest, I’m not sure there’s a one-size fits all answer. I’m also walking this path that has no other footprints before me to show the way. Sometimes I feel like, “You can’t get there from here.” (A line often attributed to the Wizard of Oz, but it’s not!)
Are we in a stalemate with our fellow players on the other side of the field?
There are various versions for this to play out:
- You continue to schedule time for each other, agree to disagree and choose not to talk about it.
- You talk it through, listening to each other’s understanding of the situation, with the agreement that if it gets too heated you get out of the kitchen and revert to #1.
- You avoid one another because it’s just too damn uncomfortable, and you know that if you talk about it, it could become the expiration date on the relationship.
- You take the elephant by its tusks and say what you want to say, come what may.
Often, when we’re forced to look at ourselves and others in the mirror, we see what’s behind the glass, revealing that we don’t like what we see. Hence, another reason to avoid it. This can be especially hard when it’s someone we’ve been close to, sometimes for our entire lives.
Staying True to What Matters to You
It’s rough seas right now for many of us, and if you are also experiencing the severity of severed relationships, you are not alone. Lots of feels are surfacing as we try and maneuver through this time, and while we may mourn the loss of some people, I believe that the WE-lationships we choose will be stronger and healthier.
The bottom line is that we need to stay true to ourselves, whatever that means for you. Whether it’s vowing that nothing, no matter what, will affect your relationships, or if you just cannot have one with someone who would support what is happening in our country, or somewhere in between; I say be true to yourself and own it.
My fears, thoughts and feelings about all of this manifested recently in a spoken word poem, and if you’d like to hear it on my Loving Later Life Podcast, click here and if you’d also like to see the video on YouTube click here.
Let’s Have a Conversation:
Have you had challenges with friends or family because of global and/or domestic events? What are some solutions you have found to handle it all that work for you?
Tags Friendships
If opinions and thus votes, did not affect my life, then I would be OK with that and suspect that others might be also. It is the process of ‘voting that opinion’ about what could be or should be that impacts all of us. I tend to look at the reality and the outcomes of opinions and ideals (there really is not much new that has not already been tried), that I believe the divide starts. And if a persons mind is closed as to those former outcomes (ie, “this time it will be different”), then there really is nothing I can do to change that.
I’ve unfriended some people on FB who were acquantances, not friends. I couldn’t stand the blind anger they project without having any sort of open mind to even begin a discussion, or check facts. My closer friends are mostly on the other side of the aisle from me. We don’t talk politics. It came up with my bestie, but she too became rabid about it. So we talk about other things now. Politics isn’t everything.
Exactly Michelle. Glad you didn’t ditch your friend because of her ‘rabid’ views. She is human and you recognise that! Many people do not.
I have a kind, thoughtful, almost perfect man-friend but we differ on those two important subjects, politics and religion. I dislike not being able to discuss our thoughts and feelings on these matters but it doesn’t work. I’m not sure a relationship can work without discussing these important subjects. We’ve been close for 3 years but I always feel unsure.
I lost book club friends and a long distance lover due to the political divide. I’m ‘conservative’, ex-friends are ‘liberals’—I noticed it the so-called Liberals wo are intolerant. Conservatives agree to disagree more often than not. Very sad.
It’s hard to see pain and suffering and not speak out. I am Liberal but also Catholic. It’s very hard not to speak out when my beliefs say that I must.
Living in a place where my views are not the majority views, I never talk politics. My attitude is that everyone is entitled to their viewpoint, no matter how misguided and ignorant it may seem to me. What I find is that the people I used to consider true friends, can’t seem to help themselves stop talking. They belabour me with all the salacious gossip and false news they hear from the mainstream press about the side they hate, and take it for granted that I hold extreme views simply because I don’t think as they have been brainwashed to do. As I don’t make any comments, after a little while they stop. I make no comments about policies and their effectiveness, because this is a waste of my time as they don’t listen. I am reminded of, “Don’t cast your pearls before swine,” as Jesus said. Presently, I am seriously considering what my action should be. Do I allow myself to be attacked and insulted, or do I drop these people from my life?